Summary

The website content is a satirical article humorously listing signs that may "indicate" someone is a cannibal, complete with a quiz to assess one's risk of cannibalistic tendencies.

Abstract

The article titled "19 Subtle Warning Signs You May Be a Cannibal" is a tongue-in-cheek piece that uses humor and exaggeration to poke fun at the idea of cannibalism in modern society. It presents a series of playful and absurd indicators, such as referring to people as "flavors of human" or having "The Silence of the Lambs" in one's Netflix queue under "romantic comedy." The piece also includes a mock quiz where readers can score themselves based on how many of the listed behaviors they identify with, ranging from being a picky eater as a child to cancelling a subscription to Omaha Steaks because the meat's texture is off. The article is not meant to be taken seriously but rather serves as a creative and humorous take on a taboo subject, using hyperbole to entertain and engage readers.

Opinions

The author uses satire to address the topic of cannibalism, suggesting that it is an absurd and humorous concept rather than a serious issue.
There is a subtle critique of societal norms and the humanization of different races, as indicated by the quiz item that alludes to referring to other races as "flavors of human."
The article pokes fun at the obesity epidemic in the United States by jokingly claiming cannibalism is a leading cause, as well as at the carbon footprint concern by suggesting cannibalism has a greater impact than Western Europe.
The author playfully mocks the popularity of certain diets, like the Keto diet, by implying that cannibalism could be considered the "original" version of such trends.
The piece humorously references pop culture, such as movies and TV shows like "The Silence of the Lambs," "Dexter," and "The Bachelor," to add a layer of relatability and humor.
The author lightly mocks social media ineptitude, suggesting that being bad at Twitter could be a sign of cannibalistic tendencies.
The footnotes at the end of the article add another layer of satire by pretending to provide legitimate sources while admitting to not verifying the statistics and using a playful tone to comment on the death of the singer Meatloaf.

Satire

19 Subtle Warning Signs You May Be a Cannibal

Take our self-help quiz to determine your risk factors

Actor’s Portrayal of Nora. Lousy Photoshop by Author on Canva

I think my friend Nora is a cannibal

“I work with kids and other flavors of human” — Actual Quote from my friend Nora*

It was the smirk after her comment that made me wonder. Was she using language playfully or is she an unchecked menace? If she has become a devious purveyor of Carnivore Sapiens, then she’s not alone.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine*, cannibalism is the third leading cause of obesity in the United States and has a carbon footprint greater than western Europe. Are you in danger of resorting to cannabilism? Take the test today! You owe it to your friends and neighbors to stop the spread of this societal faux pas.

Give yourself 1 point each time you answer yes:

· Your mom said you were the “pickiest eater” as a kid.

· You refer to people of other races as “flavors of human.”

·The Silence of the Lambs is saved in your Netflix queue under “romantic comedy.”

· The secret ingredient to your famous BBQ ribs is “Frank.”

· You get a glassy-eyed stare when someone says, “Let’s go out for Chinese tonight.”

· You are a member of the 1972 Uruguayan rugby team that crashed in the Andes mountains.

· You get inconsolably sad when your friend Marsha loses 20 pounds. All that beautiful fat wasted.

· This is your favorite music video:

·You cancel your subscription to Omaha Steaks because the texture of the meat is just a little off.

· Watching the horror show Dexter makes you hungry.

· Watching The Bachelor also makes you hungry.

· You are an evil warlock and need to absorb the powers of your enemies.

· You suck at Twitter

Let’s Suck at Twitter Together

#Calling_on_Everyone_Who_is_Inept in_the _Twitterverse

medium.com

· You turn your head and look when someone shouts, “cannibal!”

· You understand the logic, “If Vegetarians eat vegetables, then Humanitarians must eat….”

· You are a Zombie. Yes, eating brains counts.

· During holidays, you ask your grandma to make Meatloaf. After dinner, you check TMZ to see if a certain 80’s singer* is still alive. *

· You refer to the ride queues at Disney World as “the buffet line.”

· You respond to every non-food Instagram post with “Looks delicious!”

Scoring:

0–5 Points: Non-Cannibal

You are regular hungry but still may be a lousy friend.

6–10 Points: Pre-Cannibal

Your friends are safe for now. But watch out for bumps on the savory-sweet road to the original Keto diet.

11–15 Points: Active-Cannibal

There is no doubt that you are a cannibal. Cancel your Blue Apron subscription and move to a private island. You are dangerous!

16–19 Points: Hipster

Quit trying to pretend like everything unpopular is cool.

Footnotes:

*Not her real name, but the quote is genuine.

*My subscription to the NEJM expired, and I cannot verify this statistic.

* Meatloaf passed away in January 2022. His cause of death was ruled “not cannibalism.” RIP Meatloaf.

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