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d these lessons an easier way?”</p><p id="addd">I wasn’t nuts and I couldn’t have learned an easier way. Without the extreme pain and despair, I would have continued living what I thought was a typical, successful life.</p><p id="98bc">I would never have known my life was ruled by fear, scarcity, and unworthiness.</p><h2 id="8d28">I’d choose this path again</h2><p id="d0fc">I see it clearly now. And if I had it to do all over again, I’d choose the same.</p><p id="ce01">Why? Because there are things I would never have learned if not for my experiences as a victim of narcissistic abuse.</p><p id="b0fa">The imprints and beliefs transformed, transmuted, alchemized by the healing process wouldn’t have been identified without the profound pain, yet they were subconscious scripts ruling my life.</p><p id="a5af">We all have those subconscious scripts running in the background. If we didn’t, 90% of the population wouldn’t have some degree of codependent traits. All people wouldn’t experience trauma.</p><h2 id="093a">16 brilliant life lessons I’ve learned from being targeted by more narcissists than I can count</h2><ul><li>When someone shows you who they are, believe them.</li><li>Actions speak louder than words.</li><li>Brilliant, successful people often find themselves in an abusive relationship.</li><li>Holding someone in potential isn’t good for anyone.</li><li>Expectations and attachment to outcome (ie celebrating a 50th anniversary) are disastrous.</li><li>People are not projects.</li><li>Just because I can help someone, doesn’t mean I should.</li><li>I can love someone without letting them continue to hurt me.</li><li>The intent of throwing someone under the bus is harmful. The intent of speaking the truth is healing.</li><li>Setting boundaries is my responsibility.</li><li>I choose how others treat me.</li><li>No is a complete sentence.</li><li>My self-worth is in no way dependent on what others think of me.</li><li>That voice in my head that says, “you’re not good enough” is gaslighting me.</li><li>When I get knocked down, I get back up.</li><li>I have nothing to prove.</li></ul><h2 id="1996">These 16 lessons are priceless</h2><p id="b68b">I wouldn’t have learned these lessons without being a victim of narcissistic abuse. Let that sink in. The lessons you are learning now would not have been possible without the n

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arcissistic abuse.</p><p id="ba9d">It’s one thing to cognitively know and understand them.</p><p id="30e5">It’s an entirely different thing to truly embody them. Kind of like the difference between acting indifferent and truly being indifferent.</p><p id="0c17">My greatest challenge has become my greatest gift, my greatest blessing. I am truly grateful.</p><p id="5a65">Where have your challenges been your greatest gift? What have you learned?</p><p id="5662"><b><i>Disclaimer: </i></b><i>This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.</i></p><p id="daee"><b>Dr Melissa Kalt, MD</b> is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, <a href="http://narclesslife.com/">3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist</a> and find information on working with her on <a href="https://melissakaltmd.com/">her website</a>.</p><p id="2559">Recommended for you: <a href="https://readmedium.com/listening-to-the-voice-of-fear-9ac78b53a75a">Listening to the Voice of Fear</a> and <a href="https://readmedium.com/7-audits-4-weeks-a-spiral-and-one-woman-17e700863313">7 Audits, 4 Weeks, a Spiral, and One Woman</a></p><p id="f6ed">Are you new to Medium and want to keep reading? <a href="https://medium.com/@MelissaKalt/membership">You can subscribe here</a> for as little as $5 a month for unlimited access.</p><div id="9d48" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@MelissaKalt/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Melissa Kalt, MD</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*g5ZHai_WcVo3IOFk)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

16 Brilliant Life Lessons I Would Never Have Learned without Narcissistic Abuse

Sometimes your greatest challenge was the gift all along

You’re out of the relationship now, trying to heal, trying to make sense of your life. You have so many questions.

Why are there narcissists in the world?
What purpose do they serve?
Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?

Those questions so easily flow into judgments.

It’s so unfair.
It shouldn’t be this way.
This isn’t right.

I’ve been right there with you

Said in my head, or out loud, these statements, full of angst, were like thieves in the night. They snuck into my consciousness (or rather, unconsciousness) and hijacked my mind. They stole my energy, my bandwidth, my present moment.

My war with what was created my suffering. It stole my peace.

We are all Souls having a human experience. Our Souls are here to evolve, awaken, and experience life.

I believe that we choose from the ethers, the bardo space, to come in with certain people to have certain experiences and learn certain things.

Kind of like choosing a cooking class to learn how to make soup, we choose experiences that force us to clearly see, then unhook our false, limiting beliefs.

We unhook beliefs like

I’m not good enough.
I’m not worthy.
I need validation and approval from others.
I must put others’ needs first.
I must prove myself.

This is how our Soul evolves.

When I was in the depths of pain, it was a complete mindf**k to think that I could have chosen this. “Was I nuts? Who would choose this? Couldn’t I have unhooked these beliefs and learned these lessons an easier way?”

I wasn’t nuts and I couldn’t have learned an easier way. Without the extreme pain and despair, I would have continued living what I thought was a typical, successful life.

I would never have known my life was ruled by fear, scarcity, and unworthiness.

I’d choose this path again

I see it clearly now. And if I had it to do all over again, I’d choose the same.

Why? Because there are things I would never have learned if not for my experiences as a victim of narcissistic abuse.

The imprints and beliefs transformed, transmuted, alchemized by the healing process wouldn’t have been identified without the profound pain, yet they were subconscious scripts ruling my life.

We all have those subconscious scripts running in the background. If we didn’t, 90% of the population wouldn’t have some degree of codependent traits. All people wouldn’t experience trauma.

16 brilliant life lessons I’ve learned from being targeted by more narcissists than I can count

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Actions speak louder than words.
Brilliant, successful people often find themselves in an abusive relationship.
Holding someone in potential isn’t good for anyone.
Expectations and attachment to outcome (ie celebrating a 50th anniversary) are disastrous.
People are not projects.
Just because I can help someone, doesn’t mean I should.
I can love someone without letting them continue to hurt me.
The intent of throwing someone under the bus is harmful. The intent of speaking the truth is healing.
Setting boundaries is my responsibility.
I choose how others treat me.
No is a complete sentence.
My self-worth is in no way dependent on what others think of me.
That voice in my head that says, “you’re not good enough” is gaslighting me.
When I get knocked down, I get back up.
I have nothing to prove.

These 16 lessons are priceless

I wouldn’t have learned these lessons without being a victim of narcissistic abuse. Let that sink in. The lessons you are learning now would not have been possible without the narcissistic abuse.

It’s one thing to cognitively know and understand them.

It’s an entirely different thing to truly embody them. Kind of like the difference between acting indifferent and truly being indifferent.

My greatest challenge has become my greatest gift, my greatest blessing. I am truly grateful.

Where have your challenges been your greatest gift? What have you learned?

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Are you new to Medium and want to keep reading? You can subscribe here for as little as $5 a month for unlimited access.

Join Medium with my referral link - Melissa Kalt, MD

As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…

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