15 Things I Can’t Stand — SReese

The gloves are coming off for this one. I’ve been mainly operating clean for six months, but I will let loose if you get me on the pet peeves, complete with F-bombs. Most of my pet peeves come in three major categories.

Language And Grammar

1. They (and conspiracy theorists who refer to “They”) Define your “they”? Why is your “they” more reliable than any other “they”? How do you know this? Did “they” tell you? Are you smarter than “they” are? How do you know? Yet you tell me “they” can’t fool you. “They” say it’s going to rain tomorrow.

2. Them “I was with them guys last night.” No, you weren’t. You were with THOSE guys, you fucking moron that didn’t pay attention in 4th grade English!

3. Unique A nod to sportscaster and MENSA member Jim Lampley. “The word ‘unique’ does not need a modifier.” Unique means one of a kind. Nothing can be “kind of unique”, “sort of unique”, or “more unique”

It’s unique or it’s not. Period.

4. “At” is too often a wasted word. I had an English teacher that drilled this one into me, and I drank her Kool-Ade. You do NOT need to throw “AT” after a question about or a declaration of placement, for the LOVE OF GOD!! Correct examples include “I wonder where they are?” “Where are you?”. “Behind the shed is where it is.” “This is where the Yankees are as they head out for the road trip.” You understood those examples without the waste of an “at.”

I live in Western New York, where we get enough “AAAAA” with our accents. Nobody needs to add to it here, or anywhere else English is spoken. Have I made myself clear?

5. Poor grammar in media. I hear #3 above in the media too often, especially from news personalities. I won’t call them journalists if they don’t have a command of grammar.

5A. Poor grammar in sports to make people sound more like a particular demographic. My example is Randy Moss, who was excellent on Fox Sports. He used proper grammar, unlike many Fox analysts. He moved to ESPN, and he was instructed (prove me wrong) to sound more like a particular demographic. His grammar went into the toilet. Why can’t media (sports and news) provide instruction on the proper use of the English language? Note to the writers and editors of Medium sports pubs. We have a duty here. Insist on good grammar and well-written content.

Food

6. Peanut Butter Enough said here:

7. Mayonnaise Yuck! And don’t ask about Miracle Whip because it’s equally as gross. Don’t put any white slimy, disgusting shit on my sandwich. I don’t care to eat your potato or mac salad; you can have my share FOREVER! Don’t tell me there’s “only a little bit” or “I’m not going to tell you the recipe,” and then expect me to eat whatever you concocted that has been glued together with something that looks like baby batter.

8. Bananas I’ve got nothing against them. I just hate the flavor. I wish I liked them.

9. People On Diets That Never Complained About The Menu Before Going On Diets But Do Now. What, no low carb alternative? Why yes, there is. SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE AND DON’T EAT. You’re on a fucking diet anyway! You never complained about pizza before at the company lunch, but now it’s against your religion. Have you ever noticed that people with gluten or peanut allergies rarely complain about the menu? They deal with it and appreciate it when there are alternatives. They always have. (Their friends and family are the ones bitching. Tell me I’m not right.) Somebody trying to lose five pounds tries throwing their weight around as if it will come flying off by bitching about the menu.

Politics and Personality Traits

10. Lying I’m not talking about fiction writers; I’m talking about idiots. Don’t make stuff up to make somebody look bad or to make you look good. It’s wrong. Don’t lie to make your story good unless you really have the intent to create a work of fictional art — a written story, a song, a film, stand-up comedy. Sometimes we lie to protect peoples’ feelings. If somebody lies to me about something to protect me from further hurt, I can live with it, appreciate it, and welcome it. God bless you. I thank you for your kind intention. But I better not fucking find out you lied.

11. Political Ads With No Substance Currently, ads are running in New York for a Republican gubernatorial candidate who says things like “Losing is not an option” and “It’s a parent’s right to have an interest in their child’s education.” Okay, you might lose the race, and you might have to come to grips with that reality. And whoever said parents should have no say in their children’s education? There’s another guy that says the first one has it all wrong. This one tells us he’ll fire elected officials who disagree with him. He can’t do that autocratically. If you run a political ad, please tell me what, why, and how. Don’t tell me you’ll do the impossible all by yourself. Don’t lie. It’s not going to get my vote.

12. People who will not admit they have an agenda. If you only care about yourself and yours, admit it. If a law passes that benefits you financially, admit it. Don’t make up false narratives and flimsy excuses. Be honest. I know it’s tough when talking politics but have a moral backbone. If you are a racist and have what you think are valid reasons for being one, admit it. Don’t say “I’m not a racist,” and then use a phrase that begins with “All of them {fill in a race or demographic}. This leads me to….

13. Generalizing All Democrats are not this. All Republicans are not that. All Russians are not this, and all Ukrainians that. All Americans are not this, and all Americans are not that. Be specific or STFU.

14. Needlessly wasting my (or anyone’s) time. We only have so much time on this planet. Use it as you wish, but don’t waste mine. An example is a store that closes at 8:00. It closes at 8:00 for a reason, and you have no clue what the folks working there have to do afterward. So don’t walk in for “a few things” at 7:55, fill your cart until 8:15, then say, “It’s nice when the store is quiet.” It’s quiet because it’s SUPPOSED TO BE CLOSED, ASSHOLE! People want to get on with their after-hours lives. Sometimes that means staying at the store for four more hours, you dick.

15. Because I Said So I don’t recall my parents ever using “because I said so,” and I never used it with my kids. Only actual deities can use “because I said so.” You are not God or Allah; you’re simply being selfish. You want control; you want to think you’re a master of something or someone. You’re not. There’s always a reason, and you may not be able to explain it when you give an order to do something. You need to convey that to the individual you are instructing. You aren’t a leader, just a dictator if you don’t. I had a boss who used “because I said so” often at home and work. We couldn’t do anything about it but talk amongst ourselves. He never found out that not only his subordinates but all his coworkers thought he looked and sounded foolish and was more boss than a leader.

Phew. Maybe I’ll sleep better tonight.

Maybe some of these folks have things to get off their chests If they haven’t already: MarkfromBoston, Margie Willis, Oluwatomisin Awe, Suzanne Pisano, RGomez, You,Reece Reid, Michael L Butler, KiKi Walter, Scot Butwell, Scott Younkin, Jameson Steward, Rodrigo S-C, Judy Derby BSc., Janin Lyndovsky, Adrienne Beaumont, Victoria Gregg, David Perlmutter

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