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Abstract

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.</h1><p id="38cc">— Yeah, but, you can’t eat it without having it, so now what do we do?</p><h1 id="e136">3. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step.</h1><p id="60ba">— Followed by millions more. Next time we’re taking a jet.</p><h1 id="50fc">4. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.</h1><p id="a87f">— But they should cover up when sitting on their thrones.</p><h1 id="4aed">5. All good things must come to an end.</h1><p id="15ce">— Are you <i>sure</i> you don’t have any more money I can spend?</p><h1 id="d416">6. Good things come to those who wait.</h1><p id="2e1e">— Except in the emergency room, where you risk another fate.</p><h1 id="0a00">7. All’s well that ends well.</h1><p id="dfe0">— Say those who live until the end to tell.</p><h1 id="cfb9">8. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.</h1><p id="4744">— While the tools of lust are found a wee bit lower.</p><

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h1 id="0223">9. Fall seven times. Stand up eight.</h1><p id="6d89">— This was much easier before I gained all that weight.</p><h1 id="462c">10. All that glitters is not gold.</h1><p id="d3d3">— Said the bitter miner, insolvent and old.</p><h1 id="1a28">11. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.</h1><p id="8c6d">— Count them after, and knit them sweaters that match.</p><h1 id="9ac8">12. All’s fair in love and war.</h1><p id="9e31">— Though both can end with pain and gore.</p><h1 id="8300">13. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.</h1><p id="9990">— Well, even if it wanted to, it couldn’t, it’s frozen, now it’s a rink!</p><h1 id="0a15">14. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.</h1><p id="ab0b">— …and since he’s not here, I’m on my third pass at the buffet.</p><h1 id="3933">15. Better late than never.</h1><p id="f637">— Say the unpunctual — hmm, very clever.</p><p id="56cb">@ 2022, Rob Dods</p></article></body>

15 More Alternate Endings to Famous Proverbs

Necessity is the mother of invention.

— Who its father is — is still a bone of contention.

A follow-up to my 25 Alternate Endings to Famous Proverbs.

1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

— Or is it “Out of sight, out of mind”? — something to ponder.

2. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

— Yeah, but, you can’t eat it without having it, so now what do we do?

3. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step.

— Followed by millions more. Next time we’re taking a jet.

4. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

— But they should cover up when sitting on their thrones.

5. All good things must come to an end.

— Are you sure you don’t have any more money I can spend?

6. Good things come to those who wait.

— Except in the emergency room, where you risk another fate.

7. All’s well that ends well.

— Say those who live until the end to tell.

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

— While the tools of lust are found a wee bit lower.

9. Fall seven times. Stand up eight.

— This was much easier before I gained all that weight.

10. All that glitters is not gold.

— Said the bitter miner, insolvent and old.

11. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.

— Count them after, and knit them sweaters that match.

12. All’s fair in love and war.

— Though both can end with pain and gore.

13. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

— Well, even if it wanted to, it couldn’t, it’s frozen, now it’s a rink!

14. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

— …and since he’s not here, I’m on my third pass at the buffet.

15. Better late than never.

— Say the unpunctual — hmm, very clever.

@ 2022, Rob Dods