14 Secret Reasons Guys Lie (And How to Deal with Them)
Some truths about why men lie.
Living with a guy means you’re bound to hear at least one lie during your time together. It’s just something that comes with the territory.
But what can make things a little tricky is trying to figure out why he lied in the first place.
Is he trying to hide something from you? Or is he just trying to save his own skin?
If you’re not sure how to deal with guys who lie, then read on for fourteen secret reasons why they do it — and how you can handle them.
1 — He’s shy about who he really is.
If your guy seems a little too perfect to be true, there could be a reason behind it. Sometimes guys seem like they have their lives together, they’re totally in control, and they never make mistakes — but that’s not actually the case.
This is because they’re trying to protect themselves from being judged by you. They know there are some aspects of their personality that aren’t ideal, so instead of facing up to the truth, they lie about it instead.
How to deal with it: The best course of action here is to help him open up. If he feels safe enough with you, then he’ll feel better about being himself around you, and the lying will slowly start to stop.
2 — He’s hiding something.
Some guys lie all the time because they have some form of addiction that they’re trying to keep hidden, or they’re keeping something from you because they don’t want to lose you.
How to deal with it: If this is the case, then there’s no use in confronting him. He’ll just lie again. Instead, try to spend time with him when he’s not under stress or pressure that might cause him to slip up.
3 — He doesn’t want to hurt you.
It sounds like the oldest trick in the book, but some guys will lie because they think it’ll spare you from feeling bad (and they’re probably right). If he’s your boyfriend and he thinks that you’re about to get into a fight with someone, then he might tell you there’s no reason to be angry.
How to deal with it: Don’t ask him for help unless you’re absolutely desperate. He’ll probably end up lying anyway. Asking him for advice on how to handle the situation will only give him the opportunity to say that everything is fine.
4 — He wants you all to himself.
This one is more common than you think — you know that saying: ‘Jealousy is a sign of love’? Well, it’s true. If your guy doesn’t want to share you with other guys, then he might lie about his whereabouts so that it looks like he was doing something really boring when actually he was out meeting someone new.
How to deal with it: The most important thing you can do here is not accusing him of cheating. He’ll get angry and defensive if you say that he must be lying because no one would want to spend time with him. So just let him know that you trust him without being overly paranoid about his actions.
5 — He wants to impress you.
A guy who is trying to impress you might lie about his past relationships. If he was in a six-year relationship with someone really gorgeous, then, of course, he’s not going to want to tell you that she broke up with him because he was bad in bed. Instead, he’ll say it ended for another reason entirely.
How to deal with it: Just remember, there’s a good chance that his past relationships were more impressive than the reality. Guys know we like to hear about their wild and glamorous lives, so they’re likely to exaggerate.
6 — He doesn’t want you to see who he really is.
If your guy has been hiding something from you for a while, then he might be feeling guilty about it. He doesn’t want to tell you the truth because he’s afraid that you won’t ever forgive him or that you’ll leave him if you find out.
How to deal with it: Try not to bring his secret up as an accusation — instead of saying ‘you lied to me’, try something more subtle, like ‘I feel a bit upset that you didn’t tell me this sooner.’ It’ll make him feel better about opening up.
7 — He doesn’t know the full story.
If your guy is new to a family or group of friends, then he might have been told some stuff by people who are on the ‘outside’ of whatever is going on. They might have told him that you’re really picky about who you date, so he’ll say something along the lines of ‘I don’t think my friends like me hanging out with you’ because he doesn’t want to be called a liar if they end up hating you in real life.
How to deal with it: Just let him know that you don’t mind if his friends don’t like you. He’ll see that you’re being honest and might be more willing to do the same.
8 — He’s ashamed of his past.
Some guys lie about their past to make themselves look like better people now. They want to forget what they were like when they were younger and party a lot, for example, so they’ll say something along the lines of ‘I haven’t been out this week because I have a huge assignment to work on.’
How to deal with it: If you’re in the early stages of dating, then let him know that everything he tells you will stay between you two — if he’s open and honest from the start, then he won’t feel the need to lie.
9 — He doesn’t want to lose you.
If your guy gets angry every time a certain topic comes up, then he’s probably hiding something that relates to it. It might be that he has a child from a past relationship or that his parents have been out of work for ages. But either way, talking about it makes him feel insecure so he avoids the subject.
How to deal with it: You need to get him talking about the issue so that he knows you still want to be with him. If there’s a good explanation for his behavior, then it will soon come out into the open.
10 — He’s testing you.
If your guy lies about something really silly, like whether or not he went to the gym last week, then there’s a good chance that he wants to know how much you trust him. If you get angry when he tells you that he went for a run when you know he didn’t, then he’ll be able to tell that you only see him as your boyfriend and nothing else.
How to deal with it: You need to stay calm and let him tease you without getting upset. Try not to mention the lie again when you’re discussing what happened when he got home from work.
11 — He’s trying to protect you.
We all know the big, bad world is full of predators and lowlifes who try to take advantage of innocent women. So, when your guy senses someone might be out to get you, he wants to step in and protect you from them (like when a dodgy car salesman is trying to scam you, and your guy steps in to say they can’t afford it).
How to deal with it: A quick thank you and a smile should be enough. Don’t make a big scene of it or he’ll realize that this is something you do all the time.
12 — He’s afraid of commitment.
If your guy claims to have ‘loads going on at the moment, then there’s a big chance he’s trying to convince himself more than you. In reality, it means that he wants out of the relationship but doesn’t know how to tell you.
How to deal with it: You need to ask him if there’s a problem between you two and let him know that a bit of time apart might be what he needs in order to figure out what he really wants.
13 — He forgets.
It’s not that he forgets on purpose, we’ve all been caught out by those random brain blanks where you can’t remember something very important (like your anniversary date) and it takes a while to come back to you. This is especially common with dates you’ve had for years (like, say, your wedding anniversary date) where it’s easy to forget the exact year.
How to deal with it: There’s no point getting annoyed. Just ask him for a reminder and let him know that you’re not nagging.
14 — He thinks he can’t help it.
If your guy isn’t very good at expressing his emotions or dealing with awkward situations (like when you bump into his ex), then he might think this is just the way he is.
How to deal with it: You need to be patient and let him know that everyone has feelings — even if they don’t always show them.
Takeaway
Sometimes guys lie because they feel like they don’t measure up.
Maybe you’ve told him about a past relationship where the guy treated you like a princess, spoiling you with thoughtful gifts and romantic gestures. What your man doesn’t realize is that you’re just telling him these things to brag.
And yet he still feels inadequate when he thinks about what it would be like to be in another guy’s shoes.
Or maybe you’ve raved about your female friends who are all slim, gorgeous, and successful — basically everything he wishes he could be.
And while some guys would just shrug it off, others would worry that you’re comparing him to them every time you hang out with them. This is why he tells little lies to make himself feel better about the way things are going between you two.
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