11 Surprising Characteristics that Make You the Ideal Narcissist Victim

Common characteristics nearly all narcissists seek in a victim

You’re breaking through the fog.

The narcissistic relationship has ended.

First, you feel so victimized, so betrayed. You struggle to understand, “Why me?”

Later, you shift into a place of anger, followed by empowerment. You are determined to NEVER be a target again.

You want to understand why you were a target, no longer from a victim standpoint, but from a position of strength, of saying, “No more.”

You want the target off your back.

Characteristics that make you attractive to a narcissist

1. Being a person of high value: Look, everyone has value. It’s true. But a narcissist will find you highly valuable if you’re physically attractive, successful, wealthy, connected, and/or highly educated. The narcissist is looking to you to elevate their status — simply by being with you.
2. Honest: Those who are truthful, who put honesty as top priority, assume everyone is truthful. They don’t notice red flags nearly as quickly as someone who deceives others for personal gain — which is great for someone who regularly deceives.
3. Willingness to accept blame or self-blame: Sounds crazy? You’re excessively responsible, even for things outside of your responsibility. You beat yourself up for small and large things. You’re an over-achiever, a perfectionist. You inherently believe that every situation is somehow your fault, that something is wrong with you. You perseverate on conflicts with others wondering what you did wrong.
4. Need for approval and validation from others: You need and seek others to tell you you’re smart enough, pretty enough, successful enough. You ask for reassurance about whether you sounded harsh or rude. You ruminate over silence from others. You’re a narcissist’s dream come true.
5. Poor boundary setting: You are not skilled at setting and enforcing boundaries.
6. Empathic: You feel what the narcissist is feeling. You feel when they’re angry and know to walk on eggshells or apologize. You feel their fear, their sadness, their low energy. They are an energy vampire and you give of yours freely.
7. Caring and compassionate: You have a big, beautiful heart. You want the best for everyone. You hear about the narcissist’s traumatic life and want to help them learn to trust again, learn to love again, to love life again.
8. People-pleasing: When you care more about pleasing others than taking care of yourself, you write target on your forehead in Sharpie. How often do your wants and needs take a backseat — or even make it into the car?
9. Trusting/gullible: You take people at face value. Those who always see the best in people and are very trusting never expect someone to lie or deceive them. It’s not even on their radar. They make excuses when they do see it, because it doesn’t register that someone would lie intentionally.
10. Easily manipulated: This is similar to being trusting with a subtle difference. You trust the narcissist to know you better than you know yourself. You believe you’re too controlling, too sensitive, too lazy, or whatever it is they project on you. You internalize it as if it were true. This is like putting on a dog collar and handing the narcissist a leash.
11. History of narcissistic or other abuse: The relationship feels familiar — kind of like a well-worn shoe. The narcissist’s tactics and behaviors have been normalized. You’ve been groomed to devalue yourself and to tolerate their devaluation as if you deserve it. The heavy lifting has been done for the narcissist.

How do I prevent being a narcissist target again?

It’s so easy to look at this list and fall into despair, feeling like a victim.

• “How could they use my compassion and empathy against me?”
• “How can valuing honesty be bad?”
• “Can I never trust anyone again?”

With healing you keep all of your amazing qualities and tighten up your weak links.

• You learn to set and enforce boundaries.
• You learn to look for honesty in actions, not only words.
• You take responsibility for the things that are yours, and let others take responsibility for the things that are theirs.
• You learn to validate and approve of yourself so deeply that approval and validation from others is completely unnecessary.
• You learn how to harness your energy and power for the things that are important to you and become immune to energy vampires.
• You treat everyone with kindness and respect. Whether they are happy or pleased is up to them.
• You surround yourself with people you can trust.
• You learn to see what’s real and what’s not about yourself and others so clearly that it’s impossible to unsee it.

Want help with this?

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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