10 Things You Don’t Know About Me (and One We Have In Common)
Islands, ink, random Germans, and legos — insights into a man with a life well wandered
I was a writer, illustrator, and publisher at age 6. That summer, I drew funny pictures on sheets of paper and sold them as comic books to our neighbors for a nickel. That counts, doesn’t it?
Well, there was no second edition. I got distracted with a new toy and my publishing empire collapsed like a tower of legos.
Fifty years passed before I put pen to paper again. Wish it hadn’t been so long — this writing thing is a hoot.
Hi there! Nice to meet you.
Hi, I’m Brian Feutz. For those of you who aren’t native Germans, my last name is pronounced: “Foits.” At best, one in a hundred people get it right and it’s a riot watching people attempt to pronounce or spell it. I’ve considered using a pen name for my writing, but all the good ones are taken (like Lemony Snicket and Iceberg Slim) so I’m stuck with the original for now. I’m open to suggestions.
I’ve been happily married for 32 years to a nurse practitioner (aka hero). We have two lovely daughters and a cat that was raised by a dog who thinks he’s a dog. We live on an island in the Pacific Northwest with a stunning panoramic view of the San Juan Islands. When I’m not writing I’m staring catatonically out the window.
I took a slightly early retirement last summer and enjoy my life-after-work more than you can imagine.
I’m famous (or would it be infamous?)
Andy Warhol supposedly said, “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.” What was your 15 minutes of fame?
Mine was from a short video in 1998 when I was caught standing on an elevated walkway at the mall talking on a cell phone. Television studios picked it up and used it for B-roll footage whenever they did a piece on the link between cell phones and brain damage. So yeah, I’m a TV star and the poster child for brain damage.
A random career
My dad was a computer hobbyist in the ’70s and taught me how to build computers. But stupid me, I got sucked into the printing industry instead of computers (I could have been rich). A random encounter in college was the cause of that peculiar career path.
Then a long string of more random encounters got me into my own business, then insurance, then sales, then marketing, then Internet, then more printing, then software development, and now writing. I wonder where I’ll wander next?
The book that explains all this is by a philosopher and scientist, Leonard Mlodinow: The Drunkard’s Walk — How Randomness Rules Our Lives. He was a co-writer with the brilliant Stephen Hawking on a couple of other books too. You should read it.
Close encounters with fortune
Okay so I missed the boat on a computer career, but I ultimately did get into a tech startup and had zillions of dollars in stock options right before the dot-bomb collapse in 2002. Didn’t get a penny.
But then Bitcoin came along, and I bought in at $250. If I still had it today it would be worth $50,000 or so. But no, I sold it at $450 because I needed a new waffle iron or something. Idiot. Funny story though, I did give my dad a tiny fraction of that same bitcoin as a birthday gift way back when, and he forgot about it for a decade. We just sold his little crumb for almost $1,000. Buy and hold they say.
Dancing with death
Dad was an aviator too, and he used to fly sailplanes and small powered aircraft. One of my favorite memories was a flight in a small Cessna (with an engine) and the unimaginable feeling of freedom that came with it. I wouldn’t feel that freedom again until I retired (more on that later).
Flash forward a few years to a backgammon tournament in a bar (randomness again) where I beat a guy in the finals. He was a good loser and offered to take me on a flight the next weekend. Turns out he was an aerobatic instructor with a plane that was practically transparent. He took me straight up into the sun, stalled, and fell back into a spin toward what I knew would be my tragic and untimely death, but he pulled out of it at the last minute with 4 g’s of force. He laughed at me as we flew upside down hanging from our five-point seatbelts for the next twenty minutes looking up at the countryside below. Cruel bastard. I should have let him win.
The great American nothing
One day I came up with an amazing idea for a novel. It was so great I had to keep it under wraps or someone would surely steal it and make a fortune. I said to a friend that I needed to take some classes to learn how to write and he said “Screw that, write it now! Dickens and Twain never took lessons.”
Good point, I thought. So, I spent about a year huddled in the basement pounding on the keyboard, shaping up what I knew would inevitably become a best-selling blockbuster. I got most of the way through it before I realized it was a piece of shit. It’ll never see the light of day, but I must say that the process of writing it was cathartic and educational.
I’m a better writer today because of that experience. But I don’t recommend it as a training method — there are better ways to polish one’s craft.
Young on the inside
Last summer I retired from a job herding software developers. It was a great job with talented staff, good management, and highly ethical leadership. Retiring was a difficult decision. It was the proverbial “bird in the hand…” question: Will the uncertain post-work life be better than a pleasantly comfortable job?
The answer is yes, emphatically yes. No matter how rewarding work is, you’re always working for someone else — either a customer or a boss. In retirement, your allegiance is to yourself and whatever capricious whims strike your fancy. You can start and stop anything at any time, and you’ll never get fired for it.
Retirement has reignited that youthful spirit I had when I was a 6-year-old comic book publisher. I feel young inside, with adventure and excitement bursting out in real life and in the words I write. It’s an amazing feeling. Invigorating.
Now I’m a medium writer on Medium
Originally I thought I’d write novels and short story fiction in my spare time, but then I discovered Medium. It’s a perfect place to share stories and articles that aren’t a gigantic investment in time. I wrote pieces about my travels and the research I was doing on retirement and what do you know, people started reading them, clapping, and commenting. I was truly humbled.
I’ve been at it for a couple of years now and have published over 100 articles. I’m branching out, making a little money, and growing a modest following.
I’m resigned to the fact that I’ll never be an Orwell or a Vonnegut, but I enjoy writing as much as I imagine they did. And like all writers, the best reward comes from readers — their attention, comments, and claps.
Audience accolades are now my drug of choice.
The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
I’m not one of those retirees who said I’d “quit my job and just sit back and relax.” Hell no! I’m working harder than ever. But I’m working at the things that I want to do. Things that bring meaning and reward.
- Writing — I have you to thank for that
- Travel — everywhere I can afford to go
- Family — they’re everything to me
- Hobbies — creativity is a pent up compulsion
- Love — it makes the world go ‘round
Maybe as I get older and frailer I’ll have to slow down, but right now I’m living the dream. Just like that trip in the Cessna with my father with the unbridled feeling of freedom and power to do anything I set my mind to.
The one thing we have in common
We both love to read.
I know that because you’re logged into Medium and are reading this right now. Thank you for going so deep into my wandering chronicle.
Maybe you are a writer too — that’s another thing we have in common. If you’ve written an article about yourself, post the link in the comments so I can learn more about you (I’ll bet we’ll find we have even more in common).
If you haven't written about yourself, consider trying the “10 Things About Me” challenge. It feels awkward at first but when you get into it it’s a lot of fun. And it’s a good way to meet people that are a lot like you.
Until we meet again!
Won’t you join me?
If you’re considering joining Medium you can sign up here (https://brianfeutz.medium.com/membership) and I’ll get a slice of your pie. No additional cost to you and it’s a great way to support independent writers. Thank you!
Oh, and thanks for reading!
Connect with me here on Medium and in my blogs: the Life After Work Zone and brianfeutz.com. Stay in touch by subscribing to my newsletter or emailing me at [email protected].
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