10 Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Attract Positivity into Your Life
These are my tried and tested tips
I don’t put positivity on top of my to-do list all of the time. After all, we are meant to experience the whole of life, including its challenges, which aren’t always fun. Sometimes, we learn a great deal from mistakes. That said, there’s no reason not to lean toward positivity when we can.
Being positive brings rewards like vitality, joy, and a sunny attitude, even when the skies are grey. It also draws others to us and helps us make friends. It’s uplifting, not only for us but also for those around us.
We can’t force positivity to enter our lives, but we can encourage it. Our mindsets, thoughts, and behaviors make a massive difference in what happens and, most importantly, how we perceive the world. With this in mind, I often consider what attracts good fortune and a happy mood and what makes them run for the hills. It turns out that what you don’t do is as important as what you do regarding magnetizing positivity.
My what not to do list
I’ve identified 10 things to avoid if you want to enjoy more optimism, lightheartedness, and contentment.
Focus on what goes wrong
Because I recognize how focusing on what goes wrong, especially when you can’t fix things, is unhelpful, I sigh when around negative folks. Some people concentrate on whatever ails them or doesn’t go to plan, and it ruins their day, week, or even months (or years).
I’m sure I went through phases of concentrating on unfixable difficulties before I knew better. Looking back, I can see that honing in on what went wrong made me unhappy. It stopped me from moving on and enjoying the present.
For example, I recall not getting along with a relative who said she didn’t like me because I had more friends than her. I guess she was jealous. She wanted what I had and maybe felt lonely. I wanted her to be happier and for us to be friends. I couldn’t see why she didn’t want me as a pal if she wanted more chums.
Anyway, I spent far too long trying to fix our relationship instead of accepting it wasn’t down to me to make amends. I was upset by the problem and talked about it repeatedly with those close to me, searching for answers.
Going over the problem only made it worse. If I had done something wrong, I could fix it. But I didn’t cause the relationship fracture, and no going over it would heal the wound.
If only I knew then what I know now; there’s no point in playing the same old record if hearing it isn’t music to your ears. All that happens is you make the groove in the record deep. Then, the next time you play it, the needle gets stuck, and it’s hard to stop the song from repeating on autopilot.
My thoughts? If something’s wrong in your life and it’s not down to you to fix it, leave it alone. Let whoever caused the problem handle it, and even if they don’t, it will stop being a problem. As soon as you stop playing the record, you’ll be free to listen to happier music that uplifts you and makes you feel terrific again.
Think about what you hate
I’m not much of a hater. I can’t think of anyone or anything I hate. There are a few people I wish were more compassionate, for sure. However, I accept that they are what they are. If I didn’t, I’d probably think about them a lot, and it would make me unhappy.
To increase positivity, it helps to stop thinking about whatever you hate. I have a friend who always veers toward talking about her pet peeves, and it can take all day and then some. Listening to her is a mood destroyer.
There will always be things we find unpleasant and want to change. We can’t make everything go our way to please us. But we can control what we talk about and think about to a great extent.
Negative things will pop into our minds without our consent sometimes. However, we don’t need to pour attention into them. Instead, we can turn our minds to things we love.
We love certain people, events, and experiences, don’t we? Thinking about them gives us pleasure and is far better than turning what we hate into brain fodder. After all, what will constant focus on hateful things do to our mindsets? It won’t be a pretty outcome, I’m sure. Think love, like a 60s flower child, and forget hate if you want a positive life.
Be with negative people
Sometimes, we have no choice but to spend time with naysayers, grouches, and other negative folks. The rest of the time, though… I learned that hanging around with negative individuals rubs off on me, even though I imagined I was resilient to their gossiping, doom and gloom, and other forms of negative talk.
You can’t help but be affected by people who radiate unhappiness, anger, and fear. We all experience these things occasionally ourselves and want advice and support. But mostly, we get over our negativity and move on. Those who stick to a negative theme exude mental pain that we catch like a virus. It doesn’t necessarily make us negative but can lower our joy and increase stress.
If I can’t escape pessimistic people who grumble, I turn a deaf ear. It is different if they are pals going through a hard time. But if someone has turned negativity into regular conversation material, I tune out or do my best to change the conversational tack or leave as soon as possible.
Endure a disharmonious environment
What’s your environment at home like? You can adapt it to create an atmosphere that makes you happy. You might be able to do the same at work, to an extent, too.
Disharmonious places often don’t meet our basic needs for peace, calm, and comfort. They are laden with problems. But we can do our best to make them habitable and reduce unpleasantness.
I once worked from home in a teeny dressing room just off the bathroom. The wind whistled in through the uneven window frame, the floorboards jumped when I walked on them, and being so close to the loo… Well, you can imagine.
I made plenty of changes, although I didn’t have much of a budget to work with, and soon made my workplace more comfortable and joyful.
I’ve lived in various places; some were gorgeous and pleasing, while others had flaws that I patched up and adjusted. It’s helpful to remedy your environment if it’s not conducive to comfort and positive feelings. Even the smallest, darkest abodes can be filled with light and features that improve your mood.
Feed yourself negative fuel
I quit regularly watching the daily news years ago. I might tune in if something monumental is happening, but other than that, I avoid it. The same goes for mindless movies. If I begin watching a film and signs that it’s not inspiring, uplifting, or mind-expanding arise, I change channels or read a book.
We’re bombarded with media every day, but we can be selective to a great extent, choosing helpful brain fodder. This doesn’t mean we must only come into contact with bright and sunny data. I recognize some harrowing true movies teach me valuable lessons, so I don’t avoid them.
Likewise, it’s helpful to understand what’s going on in the world at times, which is why I still watch the news if something I need to know occurs. But tuning into negativity on auto-pilot is unhealthy. Instead, I prefer to be mindful of the content I feed my brain.
Have no clear intention regarding your mindset
I intend to make a hot drink when I put the kettle on. I know what I want and why I carry out the action. When it comes to my mindset, though, in the past, I’ve not always known what I wanted to achieve when it comes to filling time or having difficult conversations.
Life became easier when I got to grips with creating intentions before acting. It’s difficult to get favorable results, no matter what you do, if you aren’t clear about what you want. This sounds obvious, I know, but like me in the past, so many people are mindless when going about everyday behaviors. Perhaps they have a sketchy notion about their needs, but they don’t have clarity.
I particularly pay attention to the outcomes I desire when communicating because it makes conversations more productive. After all, how can I help others to understand me unless I understand myself first?
Whether I write a story, make a phone call, or choose how to spend my evening, I often pause to consider my intention. Then, I can match my behavior with it to help me get the outcome I want to achieve.
Let what you dislike distract you for too long
Have you ever found yourself going over things you dislike when you’re supposed to be doing something more productive? Our inner banter has a habit of streaming on and on if we let it, sabotaging whatever we’d prefer doing, like working or resting.
I’ve learned that there’s little point in attempting to shut out distracting, unwanted thoughts, so I do this: I acknowledge self-talk like I would anyone who tried to get my attention as we passed on the street. Doubtless, they would shout louder or follow me if I ignored them. The only way to stop that from happening is to allow them to catch my attention momentarily. The same goes for critical self-talk.
Next, I observe the unwanted inner chatter, like I might observe a bird chirping on a branch. I see and hear the bird, but I know the bird isn’t me. Its song is an action in progress that will fade from my perception as I walk past it far enough. I do the equivalent of “walking past” self-talk by changing focus.
If I stood next to a singing bird rather than moving on, its song would fill my head and capture my attention. You get the picture; it’s the same with negative inner talk. You can acknowledge and observe it lightly and then mentally leave it behind you.
Complain a lot
I’ve discovered that complaining takes energy. When sharing disgruntlement, I might experience relief for the first few moments. But if I go on about something that makes me frown for too long, my dislike of it grows, as do the painful symptoms of disliking it. Positivity plummets. I also know it’s rotten to hear others’ complaints, even about someone else or something that has nothing to do with me.
No one enjoys listening to grievances for more than a moment or two. Initially, as long as you agree with the points made, you might be unperturbed. After a couple of minutes, though, the negative outpouring turns sour and drains you of energy. I don’t want to bore anyone or lower their mood (or mine), so I remember not to grumble for long!
Hold resentment
Resentment is painful and usually unnecessary. Again, before I was wiser, I occasionally let it fester in my psyche. I rarely displayed it because I already had an inkling it was unhelpful. Later, I learned I could only resent somebody if I didn’t understand them. I didn’t have to agree with their view, but acknowledging that it was legitimate and just as vital as mine stopped me from feeling resentful.
The bottom line is that if you resent someone, you blame them for behaving in ways you disagree with and want them to act differently. But you’re not in control of what they do or how they think, and what a burden it would be if you were, anyway. It’s healthier to accept that some folks have different ideas from yours and move on, mentally or physically, if you dislike them.
Don’t forgive
I understand that forgiveness and blame are related. You don’t need to forgive anyone if you don’t blame them for something initially. Hence, it’s helpful to reduce blame before you get to the point you need to apply forgiveness. Of course, people are responsible for their actions, yet I note they gather their perceptions from various factors relating to happenstance.
Maybe they had a painful past, for example, that set them on a negative track. Remembering their childhood, background, and even genetics play a part in their personality and behavior can prevent bitterness.
It’s wise to forgive if you find yourself in a position where you’ve already built anger. Otherwise, you hang onto painful memories and repeat them until they damage your psyche and keep you awake at night. Mostly, getting upset about others’ actions hurts you, not them. By forgiving them, you help yourself heal.
I don’t need positivity 24/7. I’d never learn anything new if my life was pure sunshine and songbirds. Nonetheless, I’m happy to encourage a positive flow of compassion, understanding, and joy (all positive qualities) into my life by being mindful of the points I mention.
