10 Things I Absolutely Can Live Without

Here I Go Again

Tagging me in a rant is like asking King Herod to babysit: you can anticipate swift and enthusiastic acceptance, but it’s possibly an all round bad idea.

I couldn’t open a new page fast enough. Thanks chaps :)

Those who have been playing along at home may know I’ve already got an entire list dedicated to ranting. I’ve even written articles as a response to various items of fact-free wibble that were irritating enough for me to make a point of debunking.

I often rely upon pesky facts and bothersome reality to back up my claims rather than just the currently fashionable feelpinions.

But on checking the archives, I find I haven’t ranted about traffic much. “O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” On this topic, there’s so much to say.

So thank you for the opportunity to get frothy about the meanderings, wanderings and dangerous blunderings of the average Queensland dipstick. Here are 10 things I could definitely live without:

1. Tailgaters. No, I don’t drive under the speed limit. But even if I did the lunatic beclowning himself behind me has no idea why someone is driving more slowly than suits him. He has important drug deals and bottle shops to get to. And he also lacks any way to prevent the accident he will surely cause if anybody anywhere near him has to brake, not an unusual happenstance on the road. Tailgaters are dangerous, over entitled, witless fuckmuppets and should be forced to ride an electric scooter everywhere with a fluorescent orange helmet and vest, till they learn to drive.
2. People who think they’re great drivers when actually they’re cockwombles. See above.
3. Drivers who don’t merge till the last minute no matter how much entry space they’re given. Stop doing that.
4. People who slow down to merge onto freeways. Mary, Mother of God on a pogo stick, if you cannot enter the motorway at roughly the same speed as the traffic you are trying to merge with, get off the motorway and don’t come back until you can.
5. As alluded to by Paul Combs, urban planners who don’t design a world we can actually live in, ensuring that we all have to endure horrifying traffic standstills wasting years of our precious lives for no good reason at all. Once, driving from Ipswich to the GC, we were at a standstill for so long I started to actually lose my tenuous grasp on sanity and realised I was making bizarre noises and swaying from side to side in my seat. I wish this were hyperbole.
6. People who don’t argue logically, use words disingenously, argue from emotion instead of rationality and try to weasel their way around arguments instead of just dealing with the facts. So, the majority of Medium.
7. Manpanderers. Vomitous fawning quislings to a woman. No, I realise that women are not their own worst enemy, but women who carry the grovel torch for men give me the absolute boke.
8. In a swift lane change: Americentrism. I can feel a revision of an ancient article coming on.
9. Anyone who ever instructs anyone else to be kind. Your discomfort with appropriate levels of irritation or refusal to submit notwithstanding, being kind can get women (and men too I daresay) harmed, injured and killed.

Can I cheat with number 10 and just share my favourite rant? Well, I’m going to anyway.

10 — Synthetic Leftists

Reminder to the beige brigade: If you find swearing offensive, don’t.

Thank you for offering me the rare opportunity to air my opinions. I wonder, is there a top writer badge in Ranting?