10 Things Black People Wish White People Would Stop Doing
Author’s Note: I published this as a comment elsewhere, but thought some of you might appreciate the read.
I find it interesting that there’s so much that White people don’t know about Black people and our culture. How is it that we live next door to each other, work together and regularly engage in all sorts of settings, yet so much about Black people remains invisible to Whites? Guess it all goes a long way in explaining why there’s such a divide in so many other areas of our lives. I’m of the belief that there’s little that Black people don’t know about Whites, mainly because part of our survival involves studying and knowing the dos and don’ts of White culture. Stepping on White toes has historically meant the difference between life and death for us. Conversely and, again, historically speaking, White people haven’t had to be too concerned with what is and what isn’t offensive to Black people and so here we are and please take notes!
It’s impossible to cover every single way there is to offend Black people, but here is a short list (and a part 2 is dropping tomorrow, so stay tuned):
- Don’t try to use a Black person to be your “token” Black friend. Be genuine with your friendship or be gone.
- Do not mention Black on Black crime in discussions about police brutality. Black on Black crime is about as relevant to those discussions as White on White crime or Asian on Asian crime whenever someone from one of these groups is harmed by police. Besides, Black people absolutely care about crime in Black communities and fight against it every day. For anyone to even suggest otherwise indicates an intent to avoid the real issue. It tells us (Black people) that the person mentioning Black on Black crime is largely out of touch with what happens in Black communities. It further gives us to know that the person making the comparison really doesn’t care about Black people either way. To them, Black lives absolutely DON’T matter! If it’s true that a person doesn’t care about Black lives, that’s fine, but civilian on civilian crime still has no place in a discussion about paid civil servants using excessive force in communities where they are dispatched to keep peace.
- Do not ask why Black people would prefer Whites not to say any form of that word we’ve asked you not to say. See, I don’t even have to type the word because you know exactly what I’m talking about. If Whites really want to know why this is, Google it! And if one still cannot process the reasons found, then just chalk it up to one of life’s mysteries. But puhleazzzzzzzze leave us alone on the subject. Lastly, if a White person just really wants to say it, no one is stopping them. Anyone can use the word until their heart’s content… just be willing to accept any and all consequences for doing so!
- White people, please do not return from vacation and place your tanned arm next to our black skin and jokingly say, “Hey, I’m as dark as you now.” No, you’re really not. And even if you’ve gained a few shades, our Blackness is not relegated to skin color… you don’t get any points for being close to the hue you’re comparing to. Black is a culture! Besides, some of us have heard that tired joke a million times over and it is beyond annoying. Like tall jokes, short jokes, fat jokes, skinny jokes… this one has been done to death. Please don’t be that corny person… let it rest already.
- Don’t tell us not to see color or to ignore race. And if you choose to be color-blind, please keep that to yourself. It is disrespectful to flaunt your privilege in our faces. We MUST see color. We live in a system that is not only NOT color-blind, but that constantly seeks to make us an ‘other’ type of human when compared to you being the assumed default. So, when you proudly assert that you don’t see this, what we hear you saying is that we are simply imagining an unbalanced system, that you are ignoring the injustices we are forced to face and that you have no intention of doing a thing about any of it.
- Do not try to tell us about race being a social construct. As those whom your race was deliberately constructed to oppress, we know this. Created by society or not though, reality is that it impacts our lives from the womb to the tomb.
- Do not ask a Black woman with long hair if her hair is a weave. For starters, there is a misconception that Black women’s hair doesn’t grow. The truth is that many Black women do have long hair and have never had a weave. For those who do wear wigs and weaves, they do so for a variety of reasons unique to each person. No woman wants to be called out on her beauty secrets. If she volunteers that info, fine, but don’t ask. It’s just rude. Furthermore, many White women wear extensions (weave by another name) for fullness and length. Oddly enough, they don’t get asked if their hair is real or not. Considering the misconception discussed at the beginning of this point, the question comes across as something akin to racist whether intentional or not.
- Do not tell us that we don’t look Black. Our people come in many different hues and features. We are able to produce children from light to dark. Remember that all people groups trace back to Africa.
- Do not tell us that slavery didn’t happen to us. It did. Because while we may not have been enslaved, we nonetheless live with the mental and real-life effects of slavery every day. From our European last names to the ways in which society views us, we are constantly reminded that our entry to America was through a Bill of Sale. We also feel a sense of hurt and loss over what our enslaved ancestors suffered…and a sense of pride for all that they managed to endure and overcome. Our stories have been passed down through generations. We feel connected to our ancestors in ways that can’t be explained to those who have tried to distance themselves from theirs. The plight of our ancestors touch our lives in ways that you can never imagine. Please be respectful of this. And even if you cannot, do not expect us to forget that it happened.
- Do not associate Ebonics with intelligence. Ever. Our use of African American Vernacular English is cultural, not remedial.
While this list could literally stretch to include hundreds more, I’ve got just 10 more ready for you right here:
And here’s a bit of history I’m sure you didn’t learn about in school: