10 Signs You’re the Office Villain and How to Change Your Ways

Navigating workplace dynamics: from toxicity to team player

Many moons ago, I had a career in retail.

It was never intended to be a long-term plan. Still, I was a practicing makeup artist then, and the allure of a staff discount called me to apply for jobs in the beauty retail industry.

Back then, Australia didn’t have Sephora, and online shopping wasn’t a big thing

If women wanted to purchase makeup, they headed to department stores, where they swanned around from brand concession to brand concession, acquiring all the different eyeshadows, lipsticks, blushes, and creams that they desired.

This all changed when a very clever woman opened a luxury cosmetic and skincare store with the only Australian rights to sell the world’s top brands to women down under.

Brands such as NARS, Stila, Charlotte Tilbury and more were finally available, and it wasn’t just the brands that had women browsing in masses; it was the customer service experience that a shopper could not find anywhere else that brought them in, rolled out a red carpet, and nurtured their every desire.

As staff members in one of these stores, it was our job to be the most personable and knowledgeable employees in the retail beauty industry, which was intended to be ten steps up from the department store beauty employees.

The company had an incredible staff training program to support our employees with the skills and knowledge we were to impart to our customers

All of us staff appreciated the opportunity to come together, learn about the features and benefits of the products, and squeal with excitement over the new products and future brand promotions we were shown.

I didn’t particularly enjoy that these staff training nights were compulsory and held every second Wednesday night. However, we had large personal budgets, and any extra information was useful when jumping on the shop floor.

I digress. As the company grew and opened many more stores, the teams of employees became like small families, and attending the staff training nights became somewhat like attending a massive family reunion.

There were hugs and kisses, giggles, and gossip, and because the company was in the beauty realm, almost all the staff were women.

So along with the giggles and gossip and hugging and kissing, there was bitching and whining, plotting and scheming, as well as jealousy and resentment.

Most of us loved our jobs and drank the Kool-Aid the company was pouring.

However, like in every large family, some members simply turn up to bring the others down

It might have been a bad day, there might have been problems in their personal lives, or there might have been repressed annoyance and contempt for a team that a bitchy ex-schoolgirl was in charge of.

It could often be excused as exhaustion, but those who turned up with their sullen faces and negative attitudes permeated the air with hostility.

This negativity would spread from team training nights into the stores, growing and festering among the staff like cancer.

There are people like this in every workplace, not just retail

In offices around the world, outdoor construction sites, school faculty tea rooms, and even in the air amongst pilots and flight attendants, there is always cancer in every industry and environment.

We have all seen them, heard them, and frustratingly had to work with them.

But what if the cancer is you? What if you are the very person who has sprayed the stench of disdain around your work environment? Or do you need clarification on whether your negativity has become the reason why your workplace is no longer fun?

Here are ten ways to tell if you are the company’s cancer

If you nod and agree with any of these positions, check yourself and smarten up!

1. You’re the The Meeting Hijacker

You know you’re the beating heart of every meeting. Why stick to the agenda when you can reroute any discussion to your favourite topic—yourself?

Bonus points if you can turn a simple five-minute update into an hour-long monologue. Remember, a meeting is not a successful meeting unless you’ve successfully derailed it!

Your team despises you when you open your mouth.

When they see you are attending the meeting with them, they try discreetly to send emails and messages to move forward with other commitments they had planned until later in the day. This is because you monopolise all the time talking about yourself.

The solution:

Shut up.

Write down your comments and questions.

Ask them privately when your colleagues have left to get where they need to be.

2. You’re the The Email Blizzard

Ah, the art of sending emails! You’re not just cc’ing; you’re cc’ing your way into corporate legend. Your emails are like snowflakes—unique, frequent, and often causing a complete shutdown of productivity. Are you even trying if your colleagues’ inboxes aren’t overflowing with your “urgent” updates?

You, my friend, are annoying.

We all receive enough emails daily and need help keeping up with them. Stop including everyone in your emails with your CCs and BCCs. You are distracting and need to go away.

3. You’re the The Feedback Black Hole

Constructive criticism? Never heard of it.

You prefer your feedback, like your coffee — dark and bitter.

Your ability to demoralise a colleague with a single comment is legendary. After all, you’re not here to make friends, but to make a point.

The only point you have made is that you are a pain in the ass. If your feedback or opinion is not asked for, keep it to yourself.

And unless your job is to be the person conducting performance reviews, you have no business commenting about anyone else.

Perhaps it’s time for some feedback from others. You are rude and obnoxious, and no one is interested in your feedback.

4. You’re the The Break Room Bandit

Your reign of terror extends to the sacred realm of the break room.

Whether you "borrow" someone’s clearly labelled lunch or use the last of the coffee without refilling it, your escapades are the stuff of office folklore. Remember, sharing is caring, but taking is career-making!

You may think you are clever clogs, but rest assured, one day, one of your colleagues will plant a lunchbox smithed in diarrhea-inducing medication, and they shall lay in wait for you to help yourself.

You will have earned the ring of fire for being a selfish asshole.

5. You’re the The Oscar Winner

Are you constantly embroiled in gossip, stirring up drama where there was none before? Do people start whispering as soon as you walk by?

If so, honey, it’s time to check yourself before you wreck everyone else.

If office politics are starting to resemble something straight out of reality TV, chances are things aren’t going very well behind the scenes.

Your colleagues come to work to earn money and support their families. They have enough going on at home without having to come to work and endure your energy-sucking behaviour.

You must stop running your mouth and start getting your work done.

6. You’re the Negative Nancy

We all have our bad days; it happens! But if you’ve got a permanent storm cloud hanging over your head like Eeyore on his worst day ever — well, darlin’, that negativity is contagious.

Constantly complaining about everything from deadlines to coffee quality doesn’t just bring people down; it also reduces productivity.

Remember what your mama taught you: if you haven’t got something nice to say, don’t say anything.

7. You Think You Know Everything

Sure, confidence is great, but nobody enjoys working with Captain Know-It-All, who never shuts up about how much they know about everything under the sun.

If your colleagues are rolling their eyes when they see another unsolicited lecture coming their way… well, sweetie pie, you might want to dial it back a bit.

If you were as clever as you think you are and, in fact, do know it all, then you should be running your own company and not sitting in the position to tell other people every single thing you are the expert in.

8. Your Teammates Go MIA Around You

Ever notice how people suddenly remember urgent meetings or need to use the bathroom whenever they see your approach?

Yeah…it might not just be cosmic timing at play there.

If folks are avoiding team projects or conveniently ghosting group emails once your name pops up, I hate to break it to you. But, sis, something's amiss!

Your colleagues are too nice to tell you to your face that they find you beyond irritating. The best thing you can do is stay quiet, keep to yourself, get your work done and go about your business.

9. The Boss Side-Eyes More Than Laughs With You

Let’s face it: even managers with alligator skin dread dealing with certain employees more than others.

While light-hearted banter is part of any healthy workplace relationship, every word you say shouldn’t sound like nails on a chalkboard.

Again, quit talking so damn much! Put your head down, do your work, and leave everyone else alone until the sound of your voice no longer drives the people around you to more therapy.

10. You’re the Chronic Complainer

This is, by far, the worst cancer in any workplace.

My pet hate, and this person will always become, the hated pet.

In every workplace, there lurks a character more persistent than the aroma of microwaved fish—the Chronic Complainer.

Your primary habitat? The boss’s office, where you can often be found detailing the latest “catastrophes” caused by your colleagues.

You are a master storyteller, turning a simple oversight into an epic saga of betrayal and incompetence.

“Did you hear that John submitted his report five minutes late? This is clearly a sign of the impending collapse of our entire organizational structure!”

You have a sixth sense for detecting faults, whether small or hidden.

You are convinced that without your vigilance, the whole place would descend into chaos — or worse, mediocrity.

You may often highlight areas that genuinely need improvement, but kill the theatrics and find the kernel of truth that could lead to positive changes you have identified.

You could be disrupting harmony without even realizing it

Perhaps you genuinely do struggle to read the room. The good news is that these patterns are flexible. You can take these revelations as an opportunity to turn things around!

Just being aware already puts you ahead. Resetting these habits will only make work profitable personally and professionally!

It takes guts, but sometimes, stepping back and evaluating our own actions is what keeps us humble enough to reevaluate.

Remember, there's nothing wrong with self-improvement, but if you cannot make these changes and instead choose to remain the company cancer, remember, sometimes the best way to treat cancer is to cut it out, and you may find yourself on the cutting room floor!

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