10 Reasons to Get Fired up and Reframe Your Midlife Joyride
and stop being dumpy about it
“Midlife, the years between 30 and 70, with 40 to 60 at its core, is the least charted territory in human development,”
according to psychologist Orville Gilbert Brim, Ph.D.
Brim is the head of a decade-long research project on Successful Midlife Development, carried out by the MacArthur Foundation Research Network. The research uncovered data on stereotypical midlife woes like the midlife crisis, menopausal distress, and empty nest syndrome.
Most of the news is good, and I’m fully bought in because I’ve decided I’m not going down without a fight.
Psychoanalyst Elliot Jaques coined the term midlife crisis in 1965. He believed that the achievement of midlife is to move beyond “youthful idealism” to what he called “contemplative pessimism.” He argued that middle-age is when we reach maturity by overcoming our denial of death.
That doesn’t sound glamorous at all, but it doesn’t seem too far off either.
Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung offered a different point of view, which I like even better. He argued that midlife is when previously suppressed aspects of our human psyche may become more integrated.
Men could recover their more unconscious feminine side, or anima, which has been buried, and women come alive to their hidden opposite, that animus.
Jung described the animus as the unconscious masculine side of a woman, and the anima as the unconscious feminine side of a man, each transcending the personal psyche.
That sounds like a lot of fun and I believe it to be true for me.
The idea of being free to allow yourself to tap into the otherwise buried parts of your psyche is intriguing.
I didn’t realize that’s what was going on for me as I began my midlife awakening, but it’s the truth.
Among other things that have changed, I do feel like I’m tapping into unbridled confidence and a sense of strength and resilience. And I like it.
Here are some other truths that may help you flip the script on what you may fear midlife may have in store for you.
Able to meet challenges-Getting older means you’ve gone through your fair share of stuff. In the moment, they may have knocked you down or caused a little ding in your self-esteem, but what those roadblocks were really doing was putting notches in your coping belt.
As you get older, you’re much more able to go with the flow because you’ve raised your tolerance threshold through dealing with the variety of cards life has dealt you.
An insignificant decline in cognitive skills-The evidence on declining cognitive skills in midlife is very slim. Psychologist Sherri Willis wrote in her book, “Life in the Middle”-
People at midlife score higher on almost every measure of cognitive functioning than they did when they were 25. Verbal ability, numerical ability, reasoning and verbal memory all improve by midlife. The only ability that declines between 25 and midlife is perceptual speed — the ability to quickly and accurately perform such tasks as deciding whether two ZIP codes are identical.
The bad news is that there may be a hint of decline in cognitive functioning by the second half of middle age, from the mid-50s to early 60s. Although these very minor declines weren’t statistically significant, the finding conforms to people’s own sense about their abilities. Even with the declines, however, people’s abilities are still well above what they were in young adulthood.
That’s encouraging.
Wisdom is real-It’s not that you ever would have denied this, but with all the negative press aging gets out there, it might be easy to forget. With age definitely comes wisdom, and much like coping skills, wisdom develops from going through a variety of experiences and having to learn a few things the hard way.
Life is a great professor, and in turn, so are you.
You appreciate the irony- This comes from a better ability to be able to laugh at yourself. Not only is this attractive, but it’s fun and takes all the stressful air out of life’s comical balloons.
Things happen in life that are stupidly ironic, and as you age, you’ll see the humor and appreciate how God occasionally likes to toss in a few unexpected plot twists. Just to keep things fun.
You don’t sweat the small stuff-Not everything is a big deal, and you know that by now. That makes you more fun, and it makes others come to you when they need to dial down their own heightened emotions.
Cue the offspring in your life.
It’s a great feeling to know how to quell the inner firestorm before it even starts, especially if that may not have been your strong suit in your youth.
You’re not afraid of bucking the status quo-What used to matter, doesn’t really matter anymore. In other words, if you used to care what other people thought of your actions, the way you dress, or your personal beliefs, you won’t care that much anymore. And that’s part of the beauty of growing up and getting comfortable in your own skin.
You’re okay with lowering your expectations- There’s nothing wrong with being realistic, especially at this stage of the game. Why not keep things attainable? Easily attainable. That way, your life is full of little wins, not the pursuit of things that are harder to get.
Setting easier goals and reaching them is a great boost to your mindset, and keeps you moving with forward momentum.
More waking hours- You’re likely sleeping less, giving you more time to tick things off your bucket list.
Hopefully, that list has plenty of creative, fun, and outside-the-box things for you to do, because, with a couple of extra hours a day not wasted on pesky sleeping, you can get to more of them.
Past setbacks are colorful parts of you- Mistakes and past fails are just parts of your story. You no longer seek to hide them, but you’re more likely to tell your story because you’ve overcome them, and are still here to tell the story.
Stories of resilience and overcoming obstacles are much more interesting than those of people who got everything right, had no challenges to face, and had no battle scars. Wear those struggles like a badge of honor.
Others will appreciate that kind of vulnerability and humility.
You’re more confident than ever- Whether this is you tapping into your animus or anima, something is changing and you’re probably feeling more at ease letting yourself uncover it.
You have no problem showing up in new and more vulnerable ways. You now recognize that you no longer have to fit into a certain box or set of defined behaviors.
Midlife can be a glorious time, and it took me a minute to realize it. For the longest time, I felt like being on the downhill slope of life, living the second half, just meant just waiting to wither away.
Not anymore.
Allow yourself to explore, be open, and have some fun.
Especially now-just jump in the car and drive.
🎉 P.S. More musings on 🔥 🎧 The Badass Midlife Podcast 🎧 🔥
🎉Hey, my friend! If you like reading stories like this and you’d like to support me, why not sign up for a Medium membership? It’s only $5 a month and you’ll be able to access all the writers on Medium! 🙌🏼
I’ll earn a small part, but if you’d rather just stay updated when I write a new article, ✅ sign up here for my free newsletter.
