10 Positive Thought Habits to Adopt

These thinking practices keep me positive and lift my mood

Many years ago, a beau said I had a naturally sunny disposition. I’d never thought about my temperament before. But I had been around many other people who thought about their mental disposition a lot. Some experienced poor mental health that adversely affected their mood.

They wanted to improve their mental well-being and didn’t know how. I learned that depression and a low mood were different when training as a counselor, and I discovered that the latter could often be amended with a change of thought habits.

It turns out that plenty of people suffering from a low mood think in ways that keep them in a downward spiral, causing their temperaments to plummet. But wait. You might be wondering whether some folks are born happy and their innate positivity influences their level of joy.

If so, you’re partially correct. According to researcher Jeremy Sutton, Ph.D. writing for Positive Psychology, “Research suggests well-being and life satisfaction — closely connected to happiness — are between 30 and 40% heritable. The rest is down to the life we lead and the environment in which we live.”

We can’t change our genetics, but we can look at ways to lead a lifestyle that supports happiness, including how we think. Mayo Clinic suggests people adopt positive self-talk to help them better manage stress and lead happier lives.

They state, “If you tend to have a negative outlook, don’t expect to become an optimist overnight. But with practice, eventually, your self-talk will contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance. You may also become less critical of the world around you. When your state of mind is generally optimistic, you’re better able to handle everyday stress in a more constructive way.”

I can attest to the fact that positive thought habits increase my well-being. I might have been born happy to an extent. But even if this is true, my thoughts contribute to my healthy mental state. These are my top ten ways of thinking that might help you become happier, too:

One: Think about solutions, not problems

Did you ever notice that people often focus on what goes wrong instead of what works? Sometimes, they spend a lot of effort ruminating without considering solutions. I’ve been guilty of doing the same a few times and found my outlook burdensome on each occasion.

Looking at difficulties negatively fills me with gloom. However, concentrating on solutions puts a spring in my step. It helps me figure out what to do when facing challenges and lifts my mood. Once I realized this, I did my best to ensure I turned this way of thinking into a habit I carried out frequently.

Two: Don’t take things personally

My friend Gail asked me why I don’t get angry when somebody disrespects me. For example, a delivery guy recently had a surly attitude when he came to my front door to give me a parcel. I imagined he’d had a bad day and was letting off steam. While I didn’t condone his gruff demeanor, I didn’t take it personally. After all, he didn’t know me.

However, even when someone’s offhand who knows me, I’m unlikely to take offense. Partially, I can put this down to my habit of focusing on positivity.

But it’s also because I value my mental health, happiness, and energy expenditure. I know I feel drained if I get mad at somebody when they have a poor attitude. Plus, my being defensive doesn’t change their mindset. It makes the experience last longer when it could be over in a flash.

Not taking things personally gives me freedom. It means I don’t get tangled up in people’s negativity, add to their angst, and bring myself down. I’ve no incentive to take things to heart that needn’t worry me. As far as I can see, if I get affronted, I hurt myself and don’t change anything for the better. So, I don’t mind if anyone thinks I should be angry when I’d rather be happy. As a bonus, my laidback attitude helps turn other’s moods around fast.

Three: Put yourself in other people’s shoes

Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes when they upset you is challenging. Nonetheless, perhaps you can develop the thought habit of imagining what it’s like to be that person, living in their situation with their troubles. It will help you feel softer toward them.

I find it easier to empathize with people if I take a few moments to check what they might be going through. If there’s a chance, I might ask them questions to help me see their side of things. I’m not perfect. Occasionally, I slip up and feel my hackles rise. But because I’ve made considering others’ points of view a habit, I get back on track, and it saves me a lot of stress.

Four: Detach from damaging thought spirals

If there’s one rule that proves to be true repeatedly, it’s that you can’t, and need not bother, to try and get rid of damaging thoughts. Putting effort into stopping them gives them more power. I’ve learned to detach from unwanted thoughts like worries that arise late at night.

Because I practice meditation, it’s not too difficult for me to witness my thoughts as though I’m observing them and they don’t belong to me. This takes the sting out of them and helps me move on.

If you’re not used to meditating, you could take a different approach to help you detach. A simple yet highly effective method is to change the language of your thoughts. First, you can make your worries impersonal. So, if you initially think, “I’m so stupid,” change the thought to “They are so stupid.”

Next, change the emotive words in the sentence to make them less intense. “Stupid” might become “unaware.” Each time the negative thought “I’m so stupid” pops into your mind, change it to “they are so unaware.” Then, get rid of qualifying words like “so.” In the case of my example, we’re left with “They are unaware.” It may seem odd, but it works because it distances you from judgment.

Another example is “I have such a terrible memory,” which becomes “they forget things” or “their memory is hazy.” Regarding the latter, you could also change the word “their” to “the.” “The memory is hazy” works for greater detachment.

Notice the exercise isn’t the same as creating affirmations (positive statements). I like affirmations, but changing your language by making it less personal and intense does the trick when you want to detach. If nothing else, giving yourself the task of altering how you word your worries is an intriguing experiment.

Five: Forgive easily

It’s not my place to say you should forgive anyone. You might not feel ready to let go of some grievances, and that’s your prerogative. But can I suggest that letting go of minor objections with ease is worthwhile? It certainly works for me.

Little annoyances, like a neighbor mistaking your dustbin for theirs or someone pushing in front of you in a queue, can ruin your day if you hang onto them. While both incidents I mention might make me raise my eyebrows momentarily, I remind myself to stop worrying.

Such hiccups happen often, so I’m bound to meet them, and once I’ve quit thinking about them and forgive, I’m liberated to enjoy the rest of the day.

Six: Put things in perspective

Here’s what I do if I catch myself inadvertently making mountains out of my concerns. Do you remember the example I gave earlier about detaching from your unwanted thoughts by changing your language? The same works when you want to put things in perspective; only you can do it slightly differently if your aim isn’t to detach. (It’s probably to find a solution or make an improvement).

Stress can cause us to emphasize whatever concerns us and take it out of context, and when we overemphasize, we make our challenges seem insurmountable.

For example, “ I’ll never amount to anything” sounds final and leaves no room for change. However, alter the concern to “I feel limited at the moment,” and your worry is lighter. You address your situation as temporary and recognize it’s a feeling, not a fact.

Another example is, “Everybody always lets me down.” In this case, it helps if you are specific rather than generalize. Most likely, someone let you down. You could name them and remove the qualifying word “always” from your statement.

Now, the wording changes from “everybody always lets me down” to “Jack (or whoever it was) let me down.” The statement doesn’t aim to pretend you don’t feel let down. Instead, it addresses the facts without overemphasizing or generalizing, leaving you with a more manageable concern.

This positive thought habit can stop you from falling into the trap of excessive, unrealistic worrying. I learned it over the years after studying counseling and neuro-linguistic programming. Now, I do it on autopilot, and it helps keep me positive.

Seven: Know why you do things

Knowing why you do things is vital for several reasons. I realized some time ago that understanding my intention before having difficult conversations greatly impacted their outcome. When I knew what I wanted, I had a goal and stayed on track. This positive thought habit has helped me on other occasions, too.

For example, I found it beneficial to check my routine occasionally and ensure it still works for me. I started to walk my dog at about six every morning in the summer. It was terrific to begin the day by greeting the sunrise and listening to the early morning birdsong.

But these benefits weren’t evident when I continued my routine into the winter. It was dark, the birds weren’t singing yet, and the sun hadn’t risen. Reminding myself why I had been walking so early helped me see it was better to adapt to the seasons.

Knowing why you engage in routines, what you want to get out of conversations, and what you hope to achieve by doing other things will help you clarify your goals and adjust them when necessary.

Eight: Remember people want the same things you want

When it comes to the big things people want in their lives, you can be sure they are similar to what you want. Knowing this can help you feel connected and understand them better so you get along with them.

When I realized everyone desired the same things, like love, happiness, and health, it helped me a lot. It provided insights into their possible motivations and intentions. Also, understanding why they did the things they did added to my compassion for them.

Whether a checkout assistant is snappy, a friend’s grumpy, or a neighbor’s thoughtless, my annoyance melts when I consider these people do what they do because they want to fulfill shared needs.

Nine: Run through a gratitude list

You can be forgiven if you don’t recognize the magnitude of gratitude. The idea’s been tossed around so often that you might not pay it much attention anymore. However, take it onboard, and you’ll be astonished at the difference in your mood.

Gratitude can increase your positivity because it uplifts you. For instance, my friend died recently, and initially, I thought about what a waste it was that they left when still relatively young. Then, I remembered their positive character traits, and my pain lifted. I felt grateful for what they contributed to the world during their lifetime.

Even turning to gratitude when grieving, rather than only to remind you of your daily blessings, can transform your mental state and increase your well-being.

Ten: Don’t compare yourself to others

Who hasn’t compared themselves to others at some point? We all do it, yet it can be a painful experience, especially if we judge ourselves harshly. It’s natural to compare to an extent, but you can take it too far. When making comparisons upsets you, you know it’s time to put on better spectacles and look at the world differently.

It took me a long time to change my specs. However, I stopped focusing on others and reflected on my goals instead. Now, I compare myself to my previous performances to help me improve. This doesn’t mean I don’t notice how other people are doing. It means I can feel glad for them when they do well and celebrate their achievements. Instead of thinking, why haven’t I achieved what they accomplished? I think good for them. And when I improve, I pat myself on the back.

My old beau was right. I do have a sunny disposition. However, it’s not only a quality I was born with. I cultivate it with these positive thought habits. Perhaps my ideas will increase your well-being, too.