10 Mind-Blowing, Ultimate, Self-Help Advice That Is Worth A Million Bucks If You Happen To Read Them On Friday.
Because I am serious about humor. And Self-Help.
No one needs self-help. Everyone needs a Friday. Fridays are the best inventions that humankind has dreamt of and implemented successfully.
Weekends are like summer. Fridays are like spring. We are finally alive when spring comes around.
Let me show you 10 magnificent self-help tips that would blow your Friday mind away.
Are you ready?
Self-Help # 1 — On Karma And Retribution.
Many do not believe in Karma. Many people deserve it.
A-Hole: “I do not believe in Karma.”
Me: “Hahaha, well f**k you!”
As I say, feedback must be genuine and timely.
Self-Help # 2 — On Friendship.
We have many best friends. No, that is not poor English.
Man’s best friend is a dog because the dog never argues against a smelly owner.
A Girl’s best friend is a diamond because the rock stays in shape for years while her husband’s figure continuously evolves for the worse.
The Working Adult’s best friend is Google, not social media. Google is the tool that solves their problems. Social media only tells them that they are living a miserable life on Fridays.
The child’s best friend is their grandparents. They are natural allies because they are thinking hard to squeeze one more additional dollar of pocket money from the family’s breadwinner.
How many friends do you have?
Self-Help # 3 — On Getting (More) Money.
We need more money every now and then. Interest payments on credit cards are expensive.
This is what you can do.
Borrow from a mature pessimist.
They are mature enough to know that you will not return the money.
They are pessimistic enough to know that you will not return the money.
You can help them make their Friday wishes come true.
Self-Help # 4 — On Working Hard On Fridays.
We have to work hard for our future.
That means working on Fridays and over the weekends.
Indeed, working hard never killed anyone.
But hey, do you want to be the first casualty?
Why take that chance?
Err on the side of safety. Knock off on time. That pint of beer is waiting for you.
Self-Help # 5 — On Becoming Witty.
Wittiness is actually cynicism in disguise.
Doctor: “A healthy person has pee that is transparent.”
Me: “What is the color of your first pee of the day, Doctor?”
Doctor: “Dark yellow.”
Me: “You must be unhealthy.”
Doctor: “I mean, throughout the day.”
Me: “Oh, what is the color of your pee after a 3-hour operation?”
Doctor: “NEXT!”
Self-Help # 6 — On Being Precise.
When we are precise, we know exactly where we are, and we can improve from there.
It applies to everyone else, never to us.
Terry: “What is your height, Will?”
Will: “I am 1.50 meters tall. You?”
Terry: “Oh, I am 1.51 meters.”
Will: “How can it be? I am looking down at you as we stand. Okay, I am 1.55 meters tall today.”
Terry: “That is utter bullshit, Will. My actual height is 1.58 meters. You cannot tell because you are short.”
Will: “I am 1.60 meters.”
Terry: “I am 1.70 meters.”
Will: “I am 1.90 meters.”
Terry: “I am 2 meters.”
Step aside, puberty. We only need 2 boys squabbling to qualify for the National Basketball team.
Self-Help # 6a — Being Precise. Revisited.
Height kills the guys. Weight buries the girls.
Teacher: “What is your weight, Leona?
Leona: “I am 43 kilograms.”
Teacher: “Got it. Stand on the scale now.”
5 minutes later.
Teacher: “Thank you, Leona. You can step down now.”
Leona: “Am I accurate, Teacher?”
Teacher: “Of course, little darling.”
Leona left the room happy.
The teacher changed Leona’s comment from I am 43 kilograms to I am a Lightweight Liar.
Being precise is tough. That is why such self-help books sell like hotcakes.
Self-Help # 8 — On Divine Help.
Always listen to our inner conversations. They spark moments of delight.
Voice: “Go ahead and take charge of your life. I will be there for you whenever you lookup for assistance.”
Mum: “Thank you, God.”
The Ceiling: “Welcome.”
Self-Help # 9 — On Creating Social Safety Net.
Everyone wants to know that there is a safety net for us when we fall. It gives us the confidence to keep trying new things.
This is the best motivation quote I have found on Social Safety Net.
“Do not afraid to fail. Do not afraid to die. Do not be afraid to fight for your life in a battle of your lifetime. Be fearless, Be tenacious. Be absolutely ruthless. I will be here for you when you fall from the skies. — The Floor.”
Self-Help # 10 — On Becoming Laser-Focused.
Only a crazy guy never changes his mind when he failed a million times.
Only a boring guy, drowned in the sea of self-induced endorphins, never changes the subject even after all the attractive ladies have walked away.
Be flexible!
My Friday Summary.
What summary are you expecting here?
It is Friday, damn it!
Go get a life!
Aldric
About the Author:
As a content contributor, I write my observations from daily life and my business exposure.
Because our life experience is the bedrock of our unique perspectives.
