AND THE WINNER IS
#1 — You Know You Are With The Wrong Person If…
Relationship advice from a self-proclaimed expert
A traveller came to a fork in the road.
A signpost pointed down either fork. The left said ‘Green Haven’ and the right said exactly the same, ‘Green Haven.’
The traveller scratched his head, not sure which one to take. He noticed an unsophisticated country person stereotype nearby, leaning on a gate and chewing on a straw.
“Excuse me. Does it matter which road I take to Green Haven?”
“Not to me, it doesn’t.”
And that is the way of your relationships. People don’t care about the decisions you make if it doesn’t affect them.
You have to choose your own path and often that is a guess or just a feeling. There is no equivalent of Google Maps to guide you on your dating way.
So how do you know if you are with the wrong person?
Read on.
The type of people you should avoid
There are tell-tale signs you are with the wrong person. Some are subtle, some smack you in the face — literally.
Jack Torrance types
Jack has a strange way of showing his love. Turns out, he’s a homicidal maniac — but he started out going on a quiet break with his family hoping to cure his writer’s block.
Quick observations:
- Avoid writers with writer's block.
- Don’t isolate yourself from your family and friends — and listen to their advice, they have a vested interest.
- If the person you are with makes you scared, you are with the wrong person.
- Run away, get away, drive a snowcat if you have to.
T-1000 types
They look normal, handsome even. They appear presentable on the surface. Underneath, they are a heartless machine. They will alter their personality to get what they want — and what they want is not good.
Quick observations:
- They don’t have a backstory.
- You never see their family or friends and therefore learn nothing about them.
- You get a strange feeling they are lying to you — and you are probably right.
- Run away, get away, keep a shotgun under the bed and a time machine in the cupboard.
Scar types
They are scarred with envy. They are failures who want power and will to do anything to get it. They are lifelong rogues.
Quick observations:
- Expect to be trampled, set upon, or thrown to the hyenas.
- They have no pride in themselves.
- They show no loyalty, even to their family.
- They gossip about others behind their backs.
- Run away, get away, and you’ll go through life Hakuna Matata.
Jabba the Hutt types
Jabbas try to give you the impression they are harmless, but they are ugly on the inside. They exemplify lust, greed, and gluttony. They have vile vices. They will amuse themselves by torturing and humiliating you.
Quick observations:
- Check their internet history.
- They get grumpy when you make plans that don’t include them.
- They point out all your faults and exaggerate them to others.
- They are expert gaslighters, you’ll never feel adequate in their company.
- Run away, get away, and delete all the questionable photos they took of you before you go.
Michael Corleone types
They are ruthless in their pursuit of power. Often wracked with guilt, but unable to express their feelings, they explode into acts of violence — even towards their family.
Quick observations:
- They don’t like dogs. Who doesn’t like dogs? I’ll tell you — people who were once cruel to a dog and got bitten.
- They make you feel insecure.
- It has to be their way or their way — the highway isn’t an option.
- They press you to pledge your abiding loyalty.
- Run away, get away — choose life, choose witness protection.
Hannibal Lecter types
They get inside your brain and take a slice at a time. They can appear sophisticated and highly intelligent. But they cloak their deviant behaviour from you.
Quick observations:
- They won’t let you look in their freezer.
- They know what you are thinking, they can smell it.
- They torment you.
- They were probably traumatised as a child.
- Run away, get away — avoid one-on-one dinner invitations.
Darth Vadar Types
They are the easiest to identify. They want to take over the world and destroy anyone and everyone in their path. They have a turbulent history and were maimed in the past, which they try to keep hidden.
Quick observations:
- They play mind games.
- They dress to impress.
- Their ideology has corrupted them.
- They betray their friends, family and eventually you.
- Run away, get away — fly an X-wing down the Death Star’s trench, and make an impossible shot.
Or you may prefer to use reverse psychology.
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