1 Root of Grief That Many Fall Into

And advice on how to heal from loss.

Anyone who has known me or knows anything about the current me knows that I have known many people who are now dead.

Many people struggle with grief. They think about the things they missed out on, or they wish they had gotten to know the person who passed away better.

Instead of healthy healing, we feel bad for ourselves.

The root of this is simple: we believe we have not lived a worthy life. When someone dies we feel that grief, understanding that life could be short for us and if that deceased person was us, we would not leave a legacy. If we were the ones who died, would we be satisfied with what we have already accomplished?

At times, grief brings out selfishness. This can even be assigned as blame, such as when we blame ourselves for someone else’s death.

We are the center of that. That’s not what healthy grief is.

I invite you to follow my steps to get through grief. These are steps to acceptance and life.

Step 1: grieve for the deceased.

Allow yourself to be broken down to release your emotions rather than bottling them up. This will help you shed the immense pressure of someone passing on.

Step 2: Celebrate the life they had, as though you are celebrating a co-worker who had a promotion.

A lot of us can’t celebrate with someone else after they have a baby, buy a car, get a promotion, get a bigger house, or any other positive event. We get jealous. But as friends or family, we should celebrate their stepping stones. So step two is celebrating the life of the deceased and not being jealous.

Step 3: Acknowledge that you are jealous that they are no longer struggling on earth and their race is over.

They have done well, and you might be jealous of their accomplishments. Use their accomplishments to inspire and mentor you. They live on through you — it’s just a way of looking at it. They’re watching you as you use what they have taught you. They want to watch you build, not worry about the past.

Step 4: Continue to build your life like they would like to see.

Grief lessens when you direct action to positive living and follow steps to release negative emotions.

Do not let other people’s seasons be a deciding factor in your season. Continue to build your life while being supportive of the family of the deceased and even coming alongside someone else. Whether this is a younger person at work or a stranger, be who the deceased was to you to someone else (if they were a mentor). One day, that stranger might be in your shoes grieving for you and they might go through these steps too.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Could these steps help you or someone you know?

Is this a good way of looking at the situation?