#1 Benefit of Not Giving a Fuck What People Think About You

And why you need to stop falling for the “advice” that prevents you from actually feeling this way.

Picture it:

You wake up in the morning and you sincerely don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about you.

You’re not worried about what people say about the things you did yesterday, the day before, or even years ago.

You share your opinions freely (even the controversial ones). You dress how you want (even when it’s out of style). And you openly explore your interests (even when those interests are weird).

Why? Because…

You’re living life on your terms. You don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about it. And it feels fucking amazing.

BUT…

You’re also 87.

So, at this point, there’s kind of a limit on how much you can do with this newfound no fucks attitude. Sure, it’s not a self-imposed limit. But, you know, a limit on time. Because, like most people, you waited too long to start not giving a fuck what people think about you.

And, then, you find yourself answering, “What advice would you give to your younger self?” in the same way as so many others before you.

You’ll say: “I wish I would have worried less. I wish I would have cared less what people think about me.”

And, ironically, you’ll share that answer as if it’s that simple. You’ll say it as if you didn’t spend years, decades even, trying to achieve the carefree attitude you have right now.

I don’t know about you, but I think about that scenario a lot.

I imagine a much older me full of regret. I imagine hating that I let caring too much about what people think prevent me from living the life of my dreams. That I, like so many others, waited too long to truly stop giving a fuck and be unapologetically myself.

BUT…

I don’t want to wait. I want that now. Don’t you?

I think that’s why while watching a clip from a Q&A with Gary Vaynerchuk, I had to pause and really listen to his response to:

“What’s the ROI on not giving a fuck and being unapologetically yourself?”

His response was not what I was expecting. But it’s stuck with me ever since as I’m currently learning how to give less fucks. And, because maybe you are too, I wanna share it.

You’ll Stop Doing This When You Actually Stop Giving A Fuck

Now, I know Gary Vaynerchuk isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. So, please know, I won’t spend time here trying to convince you to like him.

But his response was so spot on, insightful, and important to keep in mind . At least it was if you’re still not sure you should commit to the process of learning how to actually stop giving a fuck what people think about you.

Yes, it’s a process (I’ll explain a bit about that soon). But, first, here’s what Gary said:

Speed. When you’re not spending any time worrying, you’re spending time on executing. — Gary Vaynerchuk

You get it? According to Gary, speed is the real benefit of not giving a fuck what people think about you.

But why speed?

Because giving a fuck what people think about you slows you down.

It makes you second guess all your decisions — even the ones you know could be good for you.

It makes you stop to think about who your next move could hypothetically disappoint.

It makes you worry what people will think about the thing you plan to do instead of actually doing it.

Giving a fuck what people think about you wastes your time.

Think about it: I’m sure there’s some action that you’ve been meaning to take. You know, that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for a while…

Maybe it’s posting your first story on Medium. Maybe it’s asking for a raise at work. Maybe it’s something as simple as asking someone new out for coffee.

Whatever it is, you know all you need to do is take the first step. Write the draft. Schedule the meeting. Send the text.

But you don’t.

And then you lie to yourself. You say it’s because you don’t have time. That you’re not ready yet. That you’re [insert your random excuse].

But the real culprit: you’re avoiding the pain of caring what people could think about you for taking action.

Of course, it’s normal to feel this way. It’s normal to want to avoid putting yourself in situations where you give a fuck. It’s not just you. It’s a common problem.

In fact, it’s so common that it seems like everyone has advice on how to stop giving a fuck what people think about you.

Unfortunately, most of that advice is… kinda bad and kinda lazy. I’ll explain why.

The Lazy Advice That’s Slowing You Down

“I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.” — Coco Chanel

Now, I’m a fan of Gary Vaynerchuk. But he occasionally spews the lazy advice told to people who give a fuck what people think about them.

I’m sure you’ve heard it. Hell, there’s a good chance you’ve even shared this lazy piece of advice…

It tends to go something like this:

“Just stop caring what people think about you. It’s amazing.”

OR

“No one else thinks about you as much as you think about you. So, why care?”

Now, to be clear, I agree with the intention behind that advice. But does hearing it have an impact on my behavior, confidence, and self-esteem?

Honestly, not really…

Why?

Because that advice ignores the fact that, if it were truly that easy, most people would’ve already stopped giving fuck what people think about them.

It also ignores the fact that there are so many people out in the world who claim to not give a fuck what people think about them. BUT, when you watch how they interact with others, it becomes obvious they actually give many fucks what people think about them.

“No name-calling truly bites deep unless, in some dark part of us, we believe it. If we are confident enough then it is just noise.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

Worst of all, that advice ignores the sometimes slow process that leads to you actually stop giving a fuck what people think about you.

The Slow Process That Leads to Sustainable Speed

Gary Vaynerchuk may disagree with me here. But learning how to not give a fuck what people think about you isn’t as simple as declaring, “I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about me!”

Learning how to not give a fuck what people think about you is a process. And, for some of us, that process is slow.

Because you have to gradually desensitize yourself to the pain of giving a fuck what people think about you.

How do you do that?

By intentionally putting yourself in situations where you give a fuck over and over again. By giving yourself the opportunity to learn that this feeling is manageable and that giving a fuck stings less over time.

This process can be slow in the beginning. You have to convince yourself to do things you really don’t want to do.

You have to put yourself at risk of embarrassment. You have to find enough energy to take action with courage. AND you have to manage how you may feel about the potentially negative outcomes of your actions.

Getting comfortable with all of that could take days, weeks, or years…

And then you may need to go through this process in several areas of your life. Not giving a fuck what people think about you at a bar is not the same thing as not giving a fuck what people think about you at work.

Here’s the good news:

Whether you commit to this process, you’ll likely reach a point where you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about you anymore.

And when you do, you’ll move fast as fuck while you execute on creating the life of your dreams.

There’s no question about it. The real question is…

Are you gonna wait until you’re 87? Or are you gonna do what your heart really wants you to do and start working toward it today?