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Abstract

I’m going to use a family-friendly picture of a pea in a pod. See:</p><figure id="d1b8"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*raijwqLVrdykGgYfO61PSQ.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo from <a href="https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/green-peapod-drops_1234215.htm#page=1&query=pea&position=30">Freepic</a></figcaption></figure><p id="0bd0">Fun fact: I used to do PowerPoint as a freelance gig, and even sold a presentation used in front of Sir Paul McCartney. (Speaking of, I wonder if Paul can locate the clit? Paul, if you’re reading this…stand by). I once again will use my (hashtag) <b>amazing PowerPoint skills</b> to showcase the clitoris.</p><figure id="54e5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*91pMYWJaa30YOSrgxelNxQ.png"><figcaption>Here’s the clit (image sourced above, edited by Me)</figcaption></figure><p id="0aaf">Let’s get our vernacular in order: the canoe-like shape between a woman’s legs is called a vulva. Guys (and some gals), there are three holes down there. Two of the holes are in the vulva; one of the holes exports shit. The top hole of the vulva is the urethra. Its specialty is piss. The bottom hole is the vaginal opening. That’s where penises usually go in, and babies come out. These directions assume you are in the right-side-up position; if you are in the 69 position, invert the hole orientation.</p><p id="9e7a">For the sake of climax, ignore the holes. Well, not really. You can play with them as you would a flute. As you move your fingers over different holes, you may notice your instrument makes different noises — ewws, ahhs, and oohs. Sometimes “God, yes, yes, yes”es. The holes are also color-coded. Don’t mix the brown and pink holes.</p><p id="3d2a">But the real pleasure comes from the pea that’s sometimes hiding in the top of the canoe.</p><h1 id="d5d0">A clitoris is like an iceberg</h1><p id="5c96">The <a href="https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/the-clitoris-has-8-000-nerve-endings-and-nine-other-things-we-learned-from-a-new-artwork-1.2947694">clitoris is a network of 8,000 nerve endings</a>. It is a network that runs throughout the vulva; its nubby tip pokes out from the hood. This tip is called the glans. Some folks call that part the clit; other folks call it the “yum yum fun fun.”</p><p id="d5ad">That’s where the magic happens, folks. As far as God and scientists know, the clit’s only purpose is pleasure. It doesn’t procreate or excrete bodily fluids. It provides the oohs and ahhs and “Jesus Christ that was amazing” moments of life.</p><p id="2812">Guys, think of the clit as the tip of your penis, but 10x more sensitive. Mind-blowing, right? With that in mind, there are some do and do nots with the clit:</p><ul><li>Do focus your attention on it.</li><li>Don’t press it like a doorbell.</li><li>Do caress it.</li><li>Don’t exasperate it.</li></ul><p id="cf89">I <i>could </i>go into detailed technique, but this recent article by <a href="undefined">Meghan Gause<b></b></a><b> </b>superbly describes the process and proper protocol:</p><div id="c1c1" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-power-of-the-clitoris-push-this-button-for-better-sex-ffc1557df7ee"> <div> <div> <h2>The Power Of The Clitoris – Push This Button For Better Sex</h2> <div><h3>Too many people ignore the clitoris or aren’t educated about it — there’s more to the clit than just rubbing it</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div>

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     <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div>
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    </div><p id="4e4e">Her methods include two-fingers on the hood, as well as ring-around-the-nubby. If I had to make a catchy phrase to help you remember the essential techniques, it would be:</p><p id="352c" type="7">Lick it, don’t flick it</p><h1 id="f3a5">There’s no shame in lube</h1><p id="31a7">Interestingly, all the excellent sex-juice comes from the vagina. That’s helpful for sliding your dick in-and-out, but not so useful in playing with the clitoris. Sure, you could use your finger as a pen, sticking it into the ink well to get some fluid to continue your lettering (Google alphabet and clit.) And using mouth extract is also a great choice. But I HIGHLY recommend lube.</p><p id="0c8b">I was at a party, where we played one of those get-drunk-and-overshare-too-much games. One of the questions was about lube, and a surprising amount of people admitted not using it as if it were shameful. Sure, it is great to have a wet-ass pussy (WAP). <b>But the WAP doesn’t hydrate the CLIT.</b></p><p id="252b">Whether you are dry as the Sahara or drenched like the awesome Kermit GIF below, it is always a good idea to have some KY when you are DTF.</p>
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    </figure></iframe></div></div></figure><h1 id="0843">Large — no, HUGE — sex organs</h1><p id="e973">Guys, don’t worry if your Whopper doesn’t take two hands to hold. If your meat is more on the vegan side, that’s okay. <a href="https://readmedium.com/6-lessons-from-having-a-small-penis-96493571e52d">I have a small penis, too</a>. But that doesn’t stop me from pleasuring my wife (wink emoji).</p><p id="7eea">I recommend the book <i>She Comes First</i> for some fine details to learn about and pleasure the clitoris. It made me a new man. But what ultimately turned the tide in the bedroom, and my overall relationship skills, was Jon Gottman’s <i>Man’s Guide to Women. </i>In it, he talks about the largest sexual organ (eggplant emoji).</p><p id="1f3c">Spoiler: <a href="https://www.today.com/health/biggest-sex-organ-your-brain-wbna31833796">the largest sex organ is the brain</a> (wet emoji).</p><p id="edf4">Whether you are a solo act, a duet, or a throuple, learning about the clitoris, combined with the mind’s power, is the most incredible sexual turn-on.</p><p id="b1e5">This year, forget Planet Fitness. Instead, go take care of some business.</p><p id="36b1"><i>Hey FRIEND, thanks for reading!! Please keep me company on Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/LifeisPresence">@LifeisPresence</a>.</i></p><p id="e0b2"><i>Also, I <b>promise not to sell you anything</b> if you<b> <a href="https://witty-painter-9469.ck.page/f1d5dc746b">join my mailing list</a></b><a href="https://witty-painter-9469.ck.page/f1d5dc746b">.</a> I’ll send you all my books for free. Enjoy!</i></p></article></body>

1.2 Billion Men Don’t Know Where the Clitoris Is Located

360 million women have never had an orgasm.

Photo by **Deon Black** from **Pexels** (edits by Ryan)

Fuck losing weight in 2021. If you are a woman and haven’t had an orgasm, then this is your new New Year’s resolution. If you are a man and think that the clit is inside the vagina or that the clit is the g-spot, I also have a resolution for you. Learn the vulva. Yes, you can ride it. No, it is not a car.

Two years ago, a YouGov study surveyed over 2,000 British adults, asking them to label the parts of a woman’s anatomy. Of the men surveyed, 31% of them could not label the clitoris. I did the math. Assuming variables and other totally unscientific stuff I made up, I extrapolated the numbers to the earth’s population, coming up with 1.2 billion men don’t know where to locate the clitoris.

Why is this important? Because studies show that around 10% of women have never had an orgasm. This percentage includes masturbation. As for the porn-watching dudes that think plunging their throbbing massive cock into a tight pussy is the way to go…wrong. Only 18% of women climax from penetrative sex. Over 75% of women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm. So….10% of women never had an orgasm?

Surprise! Some women don’t know about their clit, either.

Let’s help each other climax

I help you find the clit; you help me get the page views. You, or your partner, get off, and I get off, but in different ways. Think of it as a weird, half-sexual, half-monetized circle jerk.

To help you find the clit, I will use some free pictures I found on the internet. NO! Not those types of pictures. You can do your own research on those sites later (after you take your time reading my article, of course). I don’t want to get banned from here.

I’m going to use a family-friendly picture of a pea in a pod. See:

Fun fact: I used to do PowerPoint as a freelance gig, and even sold a presentation used in front of Sir Paul McCartney. (Speaking of, I wonder if Paul can locate the clit? Paul, if you’re reading this…stand by). I once again will use my (hashtag) amazing PowerPoint skills to showcase the clitoris.

Here’s the clit (image sourced above, edited by Me)

Let’s get our vernacular in order: the canoe-like shape between a woman’s legs is called a vulva. Guys (and some gals), there are three holes down there. Two of the holes are in the vulva; one of the holes exports shit. The top hole of the vulva is the urethra. Its specialty is piss. The bottom hole is the vaginal opening. That’s where penises usually go in, and babies come out. These directions assume you are in the right-side-up position; if you are in the 69 position, invert the hole orientation.

For the sake of climax, ignore the holes. Well, not really. You can play with them as you would a flute. As you move your fingers over different holes, you may notice your instrument makes different noises — ewws, ahhs, and oohs. Sometimes “God, yes, yes, yes”es. The holes are also color-coded. Don’t mix the brown and pink holes.

But the real pleasure comes from the pea that’s sometimes hiding in the top of the canoe.

A clitoris is like an iceberg

The clitoris is a network of 8,000 nerve endings. It is a network that runs throughout the vulva; its nubby tip pokes out from the hood. This tip is called the glans. Some folks call that part the clit; other folks call it the “yum yum fun fun.”

That’s where the magic happens, folks. As far as God and scientists know, the clit’s only purpose is pleasure. It doesn’t procreate or excrete bodily fluids. It provides the oohs and ahhs and “Jesus Christ that was amazing” moments of life.

Guys, think of the clit as the tip of your penis, but 10x more sensitive. Mind-blowing, right? With that in mind, there are some do and do nots with the clit:

Do focus your attention on it.
Don’t press it like a doorbell.
Do caress it.
Don’t exasperate it.

I could go into detailed technique, but this recent article by Meghan Gause superbly describes the process and proper protocol:

The Power Of The Clitoris – Push This Button For Better Sex

Too many people ignore the clitoris or aren’t educated about it — there’s more to the clit than just rubbing it

medium.com

Her methods include two-fingers on the hood, as well as ring-around-the-nubby. If I had to make a catchy phrase to help you remember the essential techniques, it would be:

Lick it, don’t flick it

There’s no shame in lube

Interestingly, all the excellent sex-juice comes from the vagina. That’s helpful for sliding your dick in-and-out, but not so useful in playing with the clitoris. Sure, you could use your finger as a pen, sticking it into the ink well to get some fluid to continue your lettering (Google alphabet and clit.) And using mouth extract is also a great choice. But I HIGHLY recommend lube.

I was at a party, where we played one of those get-drunk-and-overshare-too-much games. One of the questions was about lube, and a surprising amount of people admitted not using it as if it were shameful. Sure, it is great to have a wet-ass pussy (WAP). But the WAP doesn’t hydrate the CLIT.

Whether you are dry as the Sahara or drenched like the awesome Kermit GIF below, it is always a good idea to have some KY when you are DTF.

Large — no, HUGE — sex organs

Guys, don’t worry if your Whopper doesn’t take two hands to hold. If your meat is more on the vegan side, that’s okay. I have a small penis, too. But that doesn’t stop me from pleasuring my wife (wink emoji).

I recommend the book She Comes First for some fine details to learn about and pleasure the clitoris. It made me a new man. But what ultimately turned the tide in the bedroom, and my overall relationship skills, was Jon Gottman’s Man’s Guide to Women. In it, he talks about the largest sexual organ (eggplant emoji).

Spoiler: the largest sex organ is the brain (wet emoji).

Whether you are a solo act, a duet, or a throuple, learning about the clitoris, combined with the mind’s power, is the most incredible sexual turn-on.

This year, forget Planet Fitness. Instead, go take care of some business.

Hey FRIEND, thanks for reading!! Please keep me company on Twitter: @LifeisPresence.

Also, I promise not to sell you anything if you join my mailing list. I’ll send you all my books for free. Enjoy!