Zoom Weary
When shelter in place started happening, people flocked to Zoom. It became a way to be together, apart. Zoom may have been the only stock to benefit from Covid19. But now, after weeks of sheltering in place, many of us are tired of the zoom meetings.
It’s a phenomenon, I noticed last week. I was on a game night zoom meeting. It actually ended up being a lot of fun. It was with a few of the moms from my MOPs group, women I normally see every other week. One of the moms asked if we should set up a zoom meeting, because our year had been cut so short. Here’s the tiresome thing for me. Zoom aims the camera at anyone who is moving, to focus on the person speaking. When a group of moms have toddlers, as is the case with MOPs, it can’t distinguish between the child bouncing off the walls and the speaker. I would love to get together with these moms, but the meeting will likely drive us all crazy. Camera bouncing from one crazy child to another. Being the focus of the camera, only encourages my daughter. She has thrown gum in my hair, jumped on my lap, and announced untrue things about me on camera. MOPs is sanity providing BECAUSE of the childcare in the building. I meet with moms, speak to grown ups and my daughter plays. I don’t have caregiving responsibilities, like I inevitably do on Zoom.
Last week, I had 3 zoom meetings. My husband had one. My daughter had one. We’ve come to the point that we need to schedule them. Normally during a week, I would not go out three nights. If I go out, it would be once. I would have a sitter and my focus would not be my daughter bouncing off the walls and screeching in my lap. If that were going out, it would be easier to stay home and keep her quietly entertained. Less stressful, and less feeling like I’m juggling.
Some of my zoom meetings have been increible mood boosters. MY book club always leaves me happy and laughing at the end. My former coworkers, I would zoom with them even without covid19. I hope shot30 becomes a thing even when this is over. Some, my heart sisters, were stressful, due to my child, but still boosted morale. But If I don’t or haven’t seen you weekly, I don’t want to zoom with you weekly. If I see you once a year, let’s call it good after a zoom. I know we don’t have much to do right now, but between me and my family, I do actually have enough. I’m not the girl who needs to be out all the time. I am a writer. I’ve been practicing social distancing since prior to Covid19 and I don’t mind. I’m getting tired of all these needless zoom meetings. It’s not offensive, or it shouldn’t be, because you would never ask me to devote this much time away from my family with you normally. I would join a book club and carve out ½ hour per week to meet up and chat. I would never show up at the bar once a week to sit around and chat with you. I would rather be eating popcorn, snuggled up with my daughter watching a movie. I’m not sure why we’ve forgotten who we are under social distancing. I am not the girl who always wants to hang out. I suspect we are playcating our desire for social affirmation. We take and post pictures of our zoom chats so everyone on social media knows even, under shelter in place, we have a lively social life. I don’t need to share the photos. I don’t need a happy face for social media. If I did not have a single zoom thus far, I’d be just as happy as I am now.
To be fair, I don’t live alone and that might weigh heavily into my weariness. I have two grown children and a five year-old, plus a husband. Even under quarantine, I’d have a full life with interaction. Maybe too much interaction, given we are all stuck here. Maybe I need a break from people. Time to myself. I think zoom is a great way for people who are alone and not used to being home and quiet to stay sane. But, I’m weary. I know I sound like an old misanthrope. And to some extent, I am. I don’t need a group, don’t need social acceptance to be fine with myself. As long as I can find a good book to read and something about which to dream, I’m good. As far as the pictures for social media, under shelter in place, I’m trying to be socially distant from social media too. It’s all become too much. I’m weary and I’d like a little more alone time, as ironic as it is to say that.