ILLUMINATION BOOK CHAPTERS

Zero to Family Hero — Chapter 22

Finding My Tribe

The Story

The end of my second year at university was challenging. I was in a grind. My classes were tough. I was sleep-deprived and working alone in two of my classes. I was slowly slipping into depression. Who was I to think could overcome my past to become the first of our Family Heroes?

I had grown too isolated. I started asking about the organizations on campus. There were a few that I qualified to join. The National Society of Black Engineers (NSBE) had a chapter at our school and the National Engineering Honor Society. There were a group of Latin (the language) enthusiasts. There was a swimming team. I made time to visit each group.

The Latin team was out. Although I loved Latin in high school, I would need to relearn the language. I did not have room in my schedule for more hard classes.

The swimming team was out. I didn’t have the time to undress routinely, shower, swim, shower, and dress again.

I went to the NSBE offices. While I was there, I found out that a Black woman was leading the chapter. I was surprised. I hadn’t met many other women in engineering and even fewer women of color. I had to see for myself. I started hanging around in the small study nestled among their offices, hoping I’d run into her.

I was there studying one afternoon when a tall, beautiful, cocoa-skinned woman came in and took charge. I was happily stunned. The other students were right — a Black woman was running this organization.

I stepped up to her as she rummaged around in a file cabinet. “Hey,” I said.

“What?” She looked at me. I just stood there, staring. “Do you need something?”

I watched her with amazement. She smiled at me and walked away, shaking her head.

Eventually, I introduced myself. She was also an engineering student, but a different major and ahead of me in school — the fact that she was succeeding made a considerable difference to me. It told me that it could be done.

NSBE was a student-led organization designed to keep Black students in school. It had tutors, training, and activities to help each other. Many of us did not know what we were doing since we were first-generation students. The good news was that we were finding out together.

I joined the organization and got a few others to join with me. There were few engineering students in the group, but the few who were there became very active. The idea of helping each other after the isolation I had felt was energizing. We were each individually experiencing stress on that vast campus. The group was very appealing to me.

I also became a member of the National Engineering Honor Society. When I attended their first meeting, I found it primarily made up of young, intelligent, White people, mainly men. I was not a good fit for the activities that appealed to that group (they had a toga party!), but I attended the meetings because the group had great information and was well organized.

By my fifth year, I was an officer of NSBE, working to make life better for anyone who came into the organization. Since I also belonged to the National Engineering Honor Society and had seen how they were organized to help members, I stole their processes shamelessly. It was amazing to improve the work that had helped me.

The Lesson

There is a place on campus where your tribe is waiting for you. Find them by going to different meetings and organizations. I know exactly what you are thinking — it is hard to make time to do anything but study. Do it anyway.

Life becomes easier when you locate people who have the same goals. To this day, the woman who was the leader of NSBE when I joined remains my hero and my friend. We have helped each other through thick and thin.

The Exercise

Get the school catalog. Go online and review the organizations that are on campus. In your workbook, identify ten that might fit you.

Attend one or two meetings each month until you find a group that works for you with your schedule. Join them and become active member. You may make a few lifelong friends along the way.

Being underestimated will always benefit you. Keep your head down and do your work. The next chapter tells how I survived others thinking I was not as bright as they were.

Copyright © 2018

Toni Crowe All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and specific other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.

Visit My Facebook Community | Subscribe to My Newsletter | Visit My Website