Zero Stars. Do Not Recommend.
Lessons from My First Mammogram
Where breast cancer is concerned, everyone will tell you that early detection is key for positive outcomes. But no one goes on to elaborate about how complicated it can be to get that early detection in the event of a problem — particularly for those of us who are under-insured or un-insured. It usually goes a little something like this:
Patient detects a problem. Patient calls a healthcare provider. Patient is told that an initial exam will be needed before a mammogram can be scheduled. Patient asks if a mammogram is needed, per scary discovery plus family history, then why can’t a mammogram be directly scheduled. Patient is still referred to a primary healthcare provider who then refers the patient to an imaging center. Despite freaked out and urgent phone calls, imaging center takes their time scheduling said mammogram.
That’s the basics of the process. It’s just not as simple as calling someone to schedule the test and then going in to get it. And this doesn’t really give the full impression of what it’s like to discover that something could be wrong. The discovery of a lump or other change that alerts us to a potential problem. That sinking feeling we experience as every survivor story we’ve ever heard plays in our head along with a funeral march. We tell ourselves it’s probably nothing all the while fearing we’re wrong. Underneath every call to schedule an appointment and every moment waiting for results is the terror that cancer is lurking inside of us.
Me. I mean me. Because I found a potential problem, and I immediately did what I always do — allow my thoughts to spiral in the darkest possible direction. I’m a single mother. My kids cannot lose me. I’m a writer; I’m not done writing. Every worst-case scenario ran through my head while I made the calls and hoped it was just another cyst. I’d had those before. Or something equally benign, perhaps caused by hormonal changes or too much caffeine. The practical side of me said, make an appointment. The emotional side of me screamed, I’m too young to die.
The emotional side of me is a little bit dramatic.
Still, I called, waited, and finally got my appointment. To be fair, the local hospital was quick with the scheduling. It just didn’t feel that way while I was in major freak-out mode. But I have to say after my experience that I give the mammogram experience zero stars. I do not recommend.
If you’ve never had one before, let me walk you through the process. First of all, the technician will ask us to strip off our blouse and leave it behind with our dignity. Secondly, they’ll tell us not to worry because it doesn’t really hurt. I would say that this adds insult to injury only the injury hasn’t happened yet. Next, sensitive parts of the body will be ruthlessly shoved by cold hands into a machine, which will attempt to flatten a part of our bodies that we’ve always tried not to flatten by way of push-up bras, underwire, and other undergarment instruments of torture.
It will, in fact, hurt — despite assurances made that it won’t. And to make matters worse, you have to deal with the straight-ahead shoving followed by the sideways variety. While we’re confident that the 3D imaging will, in fact, get a full and thorough view of all aspects of our breasts, it’s not exactly the most comforting healthcare experience. In fact, if pain was a part of the problem, it’s just been made worse.
Lastly, and this might be the worst part, no one gives any indication if anything abnormal was detected. In fact, we get a “the check’s in the mail” or “I’ll call you” equivalent. It’s the ultimate brush-off. Don’t call us; we’ll call you. Out we go into the cold light of day nursing sore breasts and worry.
Yes, I think we should do self-exams at home. Yes, I think we should opt for regular screenings, including mammograms. But the mammogram experience doesn’t exactly garner 5-star reviews. It’s not a fun experience, but for many of us, it’s a necessary one.
I had a great aunt who died of breast cancer in her thirties. I have an aunt who is a breast cancer survivor. There’s a history in my family, and I have to be vigilant of any changes. But I’d be lying if I said it was at all comfortable, enjoyable, or reassuring.
I’m waiting now. It’s probably nothing. But even as I say it, I wonder.
This is why early detection is key. It’s not fun. In fact, it’s a terrible experience all-around. But getting answers is surely better than the worst-case alternative. So, get the mammogram, but maybe follow it up with a bra-free evening and a few self-prescribed margaritas. You’ll definitely have earned it.
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