You’ve Heard of Rape Culture, but Have You Heard of Pedophilic Culture?

A look into the romanticisation of “Lolita.”

A lot of us, millennials remember our first painful waxing appointments, endless dieting and self-deprecating thoughts in the mirror. While beauty standards seem more inclusive than ever as beauty’s gatekeepers opened the doors wider due to pressure; some things remained with us.

Have we ever stopped and thought about why women are required to be completely hairless from the nose down? We idolise women with long legs when usually, it is teenagers undergoing a growth spurt who have legs for days. Tight vaginas, petite or slender bodies are still what is considered beautiful and desirable.

Have we ever stopped and thought about why women are required to be completely hairless from the nose down?

Lolita is a novel written by Vladimir Nabokov in 1955. A man named Humbert Humbert (H.H.) tells the story of his relationship with a girl named Dolores. Humbert, the middle-aged teacher, rents a room in their house and becomes sexually obsessed with Dolores, whom he calls Lo, or Lolita. In all his life, he was attracted to girls her age, whom he calls “nymphets”. He goes as far as marrying her widowed mother to be near her. After the tragic death of Dolores’ mother (she found Humbert’s diary detailing his attraction to her daughter) Humbert is free to pursue his sexual predator desires with the child.

Humbert was attracted to young girls from boyhood, whom he calls “nymphets”.

It is an iconic story, and pop culture is still romanticising the character of Lolita, turning a blind eye to the atrocities that take place in the book. The novel is so eloquent that it is “almost easy to forget” that Lolita is a mere 12 years old, while Humbert is 36. He takes advantage of her repeatedly in the story. The expression “Lolita” meaning sexually precious young girl,- comes from this novel. But Nabokov’s intentions could not have been further from the way we use the term Lolita today. He was portraying the point of view of a sick sexual predator, a deplorable grown-up man that takes advantage of a child. We know almost nothing of the feelings, thoughts and inner workings of Lolita throughout the novel. Humbert is considered an unreliable narrator and Nabokov himself describes him “a vain, cruel wrench” and “a hateful person”. He is so obsessed with the image of Lolita that he never once stops and considers her as a human being.

Nabokov himself describes Humbert “a vain, cruel wrench” and “a hateful person”.

Nomi Tamir-Ghez writes “Not only is Lolita’s voice silenced, her point of view, the way she sees the situation and feels about it, is rarely mentioned and can be only surmised by the reader … since it is Humbert, who tells the story throughout most of the novel, the reader is absorbed in Humbert’s feelings.”

Startlingly, in the film version, Lolita’s character takes a 180-degree turn. Lolita is portrayed as an aggressive seductress. She is mature, sexy, seductive, even though she is a mere child. In the film, Lolita is the one who lures Humbert into her trap. The film doesn’t condemn Humbert for his attraction to a child of 12.

Startlingly, in the film version, Lolita’s character takes a 180-degree turn.

No child should be seen as an object of sexual attraction. This kind of portrayal of a 36-year-old man and a 12-year-old child encourages paedophile culture and sexual predation. Their relationship wasn’t romantic, acceptable, consensual, nor inevitable. It is a sick story of a sexual predator, yet in pop culture, we somehow normalised it.

No child should be seen as an object of sexual attraction. Humbert and Dolores’ relationship wasn’t romantic, acceptable, consensual, nor inevitable.

Most disturbingly, in a society that sexualises child-like features, Lolita became the aspiration of many young women and sexual fantasy to men. Alicen Grey coined the term “paedophile culture”. I have borrowed the title of her 2015 article for this piece. She has written it in response to an article nauseatingly titled “I’m a paedophile, but not a monster.”

Paedophilia may seem taboo and despised by the masses, but an honest appraisal of our culture at large reveals otherwise. I propose that paedophilia is actually rewarded and celebrated and that our entire culture and understanding of sexuality is constructed around what seem to be pedophilic desires. I call this “paedophile culture.”

The vast majority of paedophiles are men. And the majority of children victimized by those pedophiles who do choose to act on their sexual desires are girls. This is a rather major detail to withhold from your audience, wouldn’t you say? Unfortunately, as pervasive and overt as patriarchy is, it is usually the last detail mentioned in conversations of this nature — if it is mentioned at all.

In pedophile culture, the top Pornhub category is “Teen.” “Barely legal” “girls” in schoolgirl outfits play out everything from “virgin manipulations,” daddy-daughter incest fantasies, teacher-student make believe… you name it, there’s porn for it, and it’s been whacked-off to millions and millions and millions of times. It’s fair to wonder whether the only thing keeping some of these viewers from watching straight-up child porn is age of consent laws.

Most disturbingly, in a society that sexualizes child-like features, Lolita became the aspiration of many young women and sexual fantasy to men.

The public should not only be educated about the pervasive rape culture but paedophilia too. I believe pop culture’s movies or songs that romanticise paedophilia or sexual abuse should be permanently banned from streaming platforms. Lolita normalises victim-blaming, sexual abuse, and the victims thinking it was their fault that they had been abused, manipulated and taken advantage of.

Undoubtedly, every woman remembers how the male gaze changed once they reached puberty. I am not talking about the gaze of other teenage boys. I am talking about grown-ass men looking at us with a thirsty look, lingering on our breasts, tights, butt. A gaze is disturbing enough for a girl whose body is changing. It is a scar for life, decades of work to get over sexual abuse if paedophiles decide to act upon their “involuntary desires”.

Surely, every woman remembers how the male gaze changed once they reached puberty.

Having a conversation, and calling paedophilia out is an excellent way to start shifting our society towards a place, where we do not blame the Lolitas and do not romanticise the Humberts of the world.

Victim blaming is pervasive in our culture. Those who feel “defiled”, “ashamed” because they have been taken advantage of are not only victims of the perpetrator, but of our culture as a whole as well. We have to call out overt, covert and subtle paedophilia.

Most of the paedophilia young girls experience goes under the radar. A lot of times it is either hidden, clandestine or goes unnoticed because it is built into cultural and societal norms. For example, when women complain about not having longer limbs, or men say they are attracted to child-like features; have a conversation about how it is a symptom of the sexualisation of young teenager features.

We have to call out overt, covert and subtle paedophilia.

It is time we stop the sexualisation of young girls in the film and fashion industry and our culture as a whole. Stop casting young girls into adult roles, casting 12-year-olds into sexualised ads. Young teenagers do not have to be “sexy”.

It is not healthy; it is absolutely disgusting for anyone over twenty-one to date a teenager. If you feel like someone is a paedophile around you; talk to people you trust about it first. Remember: paedophilia is not something someone can’t help. It is not something one is born with, it is cultural and wholly learnt. There is no need to make excuses for paedophilia and act like it was just a “condition”.

Remember: paedophilia is not something someone can’t help. It is not something one is born with, it is cultural and wholly learnt.

We must pay attention, start having hard conversations in our daily lives as pedophiliac culture is silently traumatising millions of young girls all over the world. I would know: it traumatised me.

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