avatarToni Hargis

Summary

The article addresses the misconception that discussing sexism and misogyny turns women into victims, arguing instead that it is a necessary step towards empowerment and acknowledging the pervasive nature of gender discrimination.

Abstract

The author of the article refutes the notion that calling out sexism and misogyny victimizes women, emphasizing that women experience these issues consistently across various aspects of life. The piece underscores the importance of recognizing the reality of sexism, even when women resist or fight back, and asserts that silence only perpetuates discriminatory behavior. By discussing these problems openly, the author contends that it strengthens women, validates their experiences, and encourages them to assert their rights and redraw boundaries. The article also challenges the negative connotations associated with the term 'victim,' suggesting that acknowledging victimhood does not equate to weakness and can be a stepping stone to empowerment and healing.

Opinions

  • The author believes that acknowledging the existence of sexism and misogyny is crucial for addressing the issue, rather than perpetuating a cycle of silence and complicity.
  • The article suggests that women who deny experiencing sexism are still affected by it, whether they recognize it or not.
  • It is argued that not speaking up against sexist behavior, including jokes, is detrimental to women as it normalizes and potentially escalates such conduct.
  • The piece posits that discussing sexism does not make women appear weak; rather, it is the denial of these issues that diminishes women's presence and voices.
  • The author emphasizes that victimhood is not inherently negative and that victims of sexism or misogyny can be strong and confident, whether they identify as victims or survivors.
  • The article criticizes the idea that using the word 'victim' might prevent individuals from moving forward, pointing out that many women who embrace the term are not hindered by it and have reclaimed their power.
  • It is highlighted that the term 'victim' is often introduced into discourse by others, and the author suggests that if one dislikes the term, they should avoid using it rather than blaming those who do for making women seem 'lesser.'

“You’re Turning Women Into Victims”

No, I’m calling out sexism

Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash

I’ve written before about the words and phrases used to silence women who stand up to sexism and misogyny. Among them is the idea that talking about the problem makes victims out of women. I’m told “You can’t live your life this way”, and “I refuse to be limited like this” by those who want to derail the conversation, but also by women who don’t appear to be trying that. Doesn’t mean I understand where they’re coming from though.

There seem to be several ideas going on at once:

  • It’s usually said as a reprimand.
  • These women claim never to allow the offense to happen to them, implying either that it doesn’t happen or the women who experience it are lacking.
  • I'm somehow letting women down by calling out sexism and misogyny.
  • It’s the opposite of empowering because I’m depicting women as victims.
  • Being a victim of sexism or misogyny is a negative.

Let’s unpack.

I refuse to be a victim

The reality is that girls and women experience sexism or misogyny in every walk of life, at every time of the day and night. We are victims. The general definition of ‘victim’ is “a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action”. This harm can be physical, reputational, emotional, or professional and the action can be anything from murder, rape and assault to workplace discrimination, microaggressions or banter. Sometimes a victim doesn’t even know she’s being harmed.

A victim of discrimination is someone who’s been treated differently or unfairly because of a certain protected characteristic. It doesn’t always mean we’re bleeding from a wound or inconsolably upset.

Nor does me calling out sexism mean every woman is a 24/7 victim, despite the plethora of statistics. It simply means women can and do experience it at any given time — asleep, at home, at work, at school, on the street, in the gym, in a bar, at the movies, on a train, and in cars.

Women who claim not to put up with sexism or misogyny, are victims of sexism whether they like it or not. They might, for example, ‘call out’ public street harassment if it happens to them, but they’ve still been a victim of it no matter how they respond. Other women might fight successfully for equal pay, but they still had to put the work in, and it doesn’t prevent them from being victims of unconscious bias, which can also result in workplace discrimination. Legislation surrounding sexism and discrimination uses the word ‘victim’ to describe the person affected by the acts.

You’re letting women down

We let women down when we say nothing. From sexual harassment to sexist ‘jokes’, not speaking up not only condones the offensive behavior but risks an escalation of it. We let women down when we brush things off as “just a joke” because those words are still demeaning, belittling or threatening.

The UK Home Secretary James Cleverly found himself in hot water recently after ‘joking’ about drugging his wife only hours after his department announced plans to address the drink-spiking problem. For some unknown reason, at a private event, Cleverly told female guests that “a little bit of Rohypnol in her drink every night” was “not really illegal if it’s only a little bit”. Despite a spokesperson describing the comments as “an ironic joke”, the Home Secretary rightly faced a barrage of criticism. As the charity Women’s Aid stated,

“We rely on political leaders to take action to end violence against women and girls and the misogyny that underpins it. It is vital that spiking survivors see ministers treating the subject seriously and not downplaying the reality so many women face.”

Studies have shown a correlation between sexist jokes and violence towards women. “Exposure to sexist humor creates a context in which some men feel comfortable expressing aggressive tendencies toward women”, according to one study. Additionally, “this type of humor makes it easier for men who have antagonistic attitudes toward women to express their prejudice without fear of social reprisal.”

So no, when I talk about this stuff, it’s not detrimental to women in general.

Empowering women

One of the definitions of ‘empower’ is to “make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.” When we stand up to sexism, apart from telling the sexist to knock it off, we let the victims know we have their backs. As I’ve said before, discussing these problems doesn’t make women appear weak; denying them makes women disappear.

When researching for my book, I spoke to women of all ages about their experiences. It often took hindsight for them to see that what happened to them was either inappropriate or illegal. When I talk about sexism or misogyny I often see lightbulbs going off, particularly with younger women. Knowing that their gut was right and that what was being done or said wasn’t okay, validates them and allows them to redraw their boundaries. This, in turn, allows women to find their voices and advocate for themselves.

We can’t solve a problem that isn’t identified and it’s no different with sexism and misogyny. No, it’s not pleasant to hear some of the things that are said and done to women, and yes, sometimes it’s enough to make us throw our hands up in despair. However, refusing to discuss it, only ensures it will continue.

Victimhood as a negative

As I mentioned above, women are often victims of sexism and misogyny whether they like it or know it.

There are two kinds of victim and neither is a weakness. Some victims fight back, don’t ‘put up with’ sexism and call it out when it happens. Others may not be able to for a variety of reasons but that doesn’t mean women in the first group are stronger or superior. I tend not to care much when sexists and misogynists come after me, but I know it upsets others enough to edit what they say, or even to remain silent. We’re all victims though.

I follow a few women on socials who have been victims of violence and rape. They are now using their voices to highlight the rape culture that still exists in the world. They admit they are victims, and yes, they still have a rough day now and then, but they certainly don’t present as weak.

When I’m accused of making victims out of women my response is usually, “And why is that bad?” I’ve said time and again that there is NO contributory element to sexism, harassment or rape. Nothing you do makes it happen, but you’re still the victim of it when it does. If you prefer to call yourself a survivor, that’s also okay, by the way. It’s semantics and it’s your story.

To quote writer Kate Harding, herself a rape victim (or survivor) —

“Obviously, becoming a victim is undesirable. We don’t wish for bad things beyond our control to come along and interfere with our plans. But once the bad thing has happened, why are we so allergic to using the simplest, most accurate language to describe the condition of being post–bad thing?”

Suggesting that calling someone a victim might prevent them from moving forward doesn’t square up with reality since there are many women who use the word and aren’t stuck. They have taken back their power; there is none of the ‘learned helplessness’ that some warn will happen when the word ‘victim’ is used.

Bear in mind that when I talk about sexism and misogyny, it’s not usually me introducing the word ‘victim’. If you don’t like the word, don’t bring it into the discourse, but if you do, don’t imply that victims are somehow ‘lesser’.

Feminism
Sexism
Speaking Up
Victims
Womens Rights
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