You’re Probably Procrastinating Because of Fear

Learn to name your fear and get it out of the way

I have a habit of putting off things. I suspect you do too. But I don’t mean procrastinating about washing the kitchen floor or folding the laundry, I mean putting off important things with a disclaimer.

For example, I’ll say, Once I get through this busy week/month/year, I’ll sign up for that volunteer position.

I just need to get past this trip, or the holiday season, or my son’s graduation… and then I can start that new fitness program.

I am going to consult a financial advisor as soon as I pay off a few bills.

Fear might be lurking behind procrastination

This type of deal-making with ourselves goes beyond putting off something, it’s procrastination with a capital P. It’s procrastination disguising itself as wise planning.

It’s fear stepping in and poking its nose into my business saying, Hold on there now, Mary, don’t be too hasty about this new thing you’re thinking of doing. Give yourself some space and time.

This is fear acting like my friend, and she is, in her own way, helping me out. She’s watching out for me.

What she really means is, What if you suck at being a CASA and you let everyone down? Maybe you should wait.

You’ve tried to get in shape before and it’s realllly haaard (fear can be a whiner sometimes)…maybe you need more time to think this through.

Aren’t you embarrassed by how little you know about finances? If you talk to a professional you will feel foolish.”

Procrastination has ulterior motives

I’ve been putting off something for a year now and my common sense is catching onto procrastination’s ulterior motives. How many more excuses can I come up with to stop me from punching through that wall of fear?

At times like this when procrastination looms large, it can be helpful to name the fear.

Get out a piece of paper and listen to the answer when you ask yourself, What am I afraid of?

Fear is like an overprotective helicopter parent or an overactive immune system — she means well but she doesn’t know when enough is enough.

My answers to my recent self-examination yielded a conversation with myself that finally pinpointed the real reason I’ve been holding back. It seems I’m not really afraid of rejection or failure, but rather success. Fear, being her uber helpful self, finally admitted that she’s afraid for me. Afraid that if my experiment works I will succeed and then there will be too much demand on my time. I’ll get busy, maybe lose the flexibility I currently have, or the margin I’ve so carefully crafted into my life.

And even as I’m trying to pin fear down, she’s trying to distract me.

You need cookies.

That’s a great idea for a FB post — why not post it now?

Don’t forget to text Tracey and tell her you’re moving to Colorado.

This is the voice of fear not wanting to be exposed. She doesn’t want the true reason to be uncovered because then the myth will be dispelled and she knows I’ll be able to troubleshoot her concern and move past it.

Fear serves to protect us

Fear thinks she is protecting me. It’s her job. Unfortunately, she lives in the past a lot — rehearsing and rehashing things that have caused me pain so she can stay vigilant about making sure I don’t get hurt again. She also lives in the future — worrying ahead for me and looking for potential situations that could cause me harm, embarrassment, or discomfort.

Fear is like an overprotective helicopter parent or an overactive immune system — she means well but she doesn’t know when enough is enough. She tries to protect me from things that are not dangerous, just new or different.

Those butterflies I’m feeling about starting this new thing? Marie Forleo explains those might just be flutters of excitement or anticipation or the feeling of being alive. But fear, she lumps all those sensations like butterflies and racing pulse together and labels them as bad.

Sometimes people say they fear the unknown, but how is that even possible? To fear nothing or something that does not exist? That’s fear going overboard, overstepping her bounds. And like the weeds that grow in my garden, if you give her an inch she will take a mile.

Control fear and you can move past procrastination

It’s important to remember that fear isn’t in control unless you give her the reigns. As Elizabeth Gilbert suggests, we know fear isn’t all bad so we don’t have to banish her, we just have to tame her. You can let fear know you appreciate her vigilance on your behalf but since she’s weak when it comes to wisdom, you’ll have to set some boundaries for her. Gilbert lets fear know that she can come along for the ride but under no circumstances will fear drive, give directions, or even be a backseat driver.

One of my favorite authors, Emily P. Freeman, says that once we name something it loses its power over us. She encourages us to name the narrative. By acknowledging fear as Gilbert suggests, and naming its source as Freeman suggests, you can tame it. It’s a bit like taming a horse. The horse whisperer doesn’t want to crush the horse’s spirit, she just wants the horse to be in healthy balance so he can experience relationship and trust with his handler.

You don’t have to fear fear, hate fear, deny fear, or eradicate fear. Also, you can stop judging fear, blaming yourself for having fear, or worrying about fear poking around in your life. Let fear be fear but when you learn to name it, listen to why it’s acting up, weed out the irrational parts and tame it, fear can be a tool that helps you figure out where you are going. Fear doesn’t have to dominate you.

Get into the practice of listening to fear, naming it, and then talk to it. It may feel awkward at first but isn’t procrastinating getting a bit old? Isn’t it time to be in control? Here’s what my conversation with fear sounded like after I realized her motives were to keep me from stressing out:

“Hi, fear, I’m listening. It’s okay, you don’t have to pound on my stomach harder to get my attention. What I hear you warning me about is the concern you have that if I move forward with my plans I may lose the margin I’ve created to protect me from stress and burnout. You remember what life was like when I had no margin and how unhealthy that was for me. I understand and appreciate that concern, but I’ve spent almost three years protecting margin and crafting a lifestyle that is balanced and healthy so I promise I won’t let myself get trapped by busyness and stress again. Thank you for reminding me, but I’ve put up some safeguards in my life and I understand boundaries now. So, thanks, but you do need to step aside because you’re being overprotective and preventing me from moving forward with my dream and into the next phase of my life.”

A shortcut for dealing with fear and procrastination

Here’s a shortcut to remind you of a healthy way to respond when fear, disguised as procrastination, is holding you back.

Listen to it. Ask, What am I afraid of and why? Ask it several times until you get to the heart of the matter.

Name it. Write it down and call it out for what it is: jealousy, anger, fear of rejection, etc.

Talk to it. You are the one in the driver’s seat so you get to choose the radio station and decide how fast to drive. Fear needs to know you are in control.

The next time you find yourself procrastinating, ask yourself if it’s just fear stepping over the line and then take a few minutes to dig deeper. Don’t let fear loom larger than it needs to be in your life. And if you’ll excuse me now, I need to get on with that project before fear comes up with some more excuses for me to procrastinate!