Writing Prompt: tolerating the intolerant

You’re Not Tolerant Enough For the Intolerant

poetry reflection on something that’s bothered me for too long

You’re not tolerant enough for the intolerant is a statement I’ve grappled with because it’s weaponized against people who genuinely engage in continued reflection on questions of inclusivity.

I have an interim answer, which involves asking us all to walk through the experience of individuals on both sides.

Beginning with the intolerant, demanding from the tolerant that they be tolerant of intolerance, I see a non-reciprocity from the start.

I see the statement of someone loud and proud that they are intolerant, accepting themselves for who they are with the clear message that they will not ever accept you for who you are.

Yet, when the request is made from the intolerant to the tolerant that despite the intolerant being committed to never accepting the tolerant for who they are, the intolerant expects that the tolerant to accept intolerance because of the tolerance the tolerant have.

And, from the viewpoint of someone who strives to be as tolerant as possible, my answer is this:

I could. I could be tolerant of your intolerance because it follows my values of being supportive, inclusive and community-focussed, inclusive of those who might be different from me.

And sometimes I am, and I try to be whenever I can.

But priority goes towards people who genuinely try to be reciprocal in understanding because it can be exhausting to bear the weight of effort of smoothing things over when your counterpart puts in no effort.

And knowing how heavy that weight can be despite trying my best to be tolerant of the intolerant a non-recripocal task, I would never expect someone else in my shoes to necessarily fork over that energy, so you do not get to assume and shame others for not making the same decision.

At the end of the day, I may choose to be tolerant of the intolerant with the goal of extending an olive branch and to open up communication knowing that closing them would only further worsen extreme views.

At the end of the day, I can only give enough but stop short of the line of beginning to feel resentment because non-reciprocality bears the weight of unfairness.

Inviting Gracia Kleijnen | Obinna Uruakpa | Lola Sense | Kevin Alexander | Tatum Hamernik | Rachel Ramkaran (she/her) | Dena Ogden | Reanna Szeszol | Obinna Uruakpa| Dandy Lioness 🌻 | if you’re up to it and anyone else interested to smash that writer’s block, join in on this tiny challenge and write a response, wherever it takes you! It can be a tiny poem, a shortform piece or an essay — whatever comes into that brain noodle!

Writing Prompt: tolerating the intolerant — what is your perspective?

Submit it to The Brain is a Noodle or be sure to tag me in your response if you publish elsewhere, so I can read it and share it with the world!

Be sure to hit the 💌 button if you want these daily challenges delivered directly into your inbox!

Hi I’m Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她) and I’ve struggled with this for a long time. People have left comments expecting me to be “more tolerant” of who they are while making it quite clear that they will never be tolerant of who I am because that’s who they are, and they’re proud to be authentic. And I struggle with that because I genuinely want to provide empathy wherever I can, if I have it to give. But when it’s an unequal expectation where the demand is made of me with no return, and I’m already at the end of my wits, I’m now realizing that I’m no longer setting myself on fire to keep others warm. I may 雪中送炭 (send warmth amongst snow) whenever I can, if I can, because of my values, but when I run out, I’m no longer giving up my last functioning brain cell to make sure you feel comfortable over my own comfort.

Hop down the rabbit hole? 🐰🕳

^ Yan Huang’s newsletter!