You’re Not Losing — You’re Exactly Where You Need to Be
No, the world is not moving ahead without you.
When you’re building a life outside of what’s considered normal, anyone living a regular life can make you feel insecure.
When they get a promotion, and you’re still struggling after two years, you’ll feel like a failure. When they’re able to buy a new car, and you’ve been driving the same one for years, you’ll feel embarrassed.
Building your dream career, especially an abnormal one, is a long game. Deep down, we understand this. We know that it can take five or more years to finally start earning money and reap the rewards.
We work as patiently as we can. But when the world is moving ahead of you, it’s easy to start feeling left behind.
People don’t acknowledge dreamers until they’ve reached the top. Your family isn’t going to clap for you for sticking to your dream after three years unless they see results. They won’t congratulate you for taking this risk the way they congratulate those with ordinary jobs and lives.
They won’t even be proud. They’re going to think you’re crazy, dumb, and idiotic, which is why you need to build a wall of confidence. You’re going to feel hurt, but you can’t let that hurt bring you down and force you to give up.
Support from the people you love is a beautiful thing to receive. When you don’t get it, it feels like daggers.
The only thing you can do is ignore it. You can’t change their minds, you can’t live for them, or try to prove them wrong.
Besides, why do you want their approval so badly? This dream is for you, not them. You’re not doing this because they ask you too. You’re doing it because you like and you want to have a good life — a life most people don’t have. So, work for you. Never for anyone else (even if you work under someone).
My seventeen-year-old cousin recently got a job at Hollister, and all I could think was: He’s going to make more money than me. (Yes, with minimum wage.) And all it took was one interview.
I’ve been trying to build something for myself for four years, and I haven’t made much. I have nothing too impressive to show for my work. As he talked, I could feel myself getting discouraged, and I thought I was falling behind.
I’m twenty-two and have never had a “real job” in my life. I’ve never even made a resumé or gone into an interview. My writing accomplishments don’t matter. I’m an adult. Should I be doing these things?
What hurts is that this seventeen-year-old, despite his immaturity, is going to be taken more seriously than I. Well, he already is. He drives and has a car (which his mom gave him), goes to a private school where he has high grades, and plans to go to college.
He makes me feel like a loser — but that’s on me.
If you feel like you’re failing and making a fool out of yourself because people refuse to acknowledge you or because people are “ahead” of you, that’s on you.
We can’t control the opinions people have of us, but we can control what we choose to do with those opinions. You can choose to listen and succumb, or you can choose to let it pass you lightly, like the wind, and continue to work.
We all have our own timelines. You’re not behind anyone — this is exactly where you need to be, just like they’re where they need to be. From here, you will prosper. Not from where they’re standing.
You’re not lost. You’re just early in the process. — Gary Vaynerchuk
We need to learn to be okay with where we are and accept that the path we’re carving is taking us to the best possible destination, no matter what that looks like.
It takes a lot of trust in the Universe (or whatever you believe in), but what else can we do but wait? You can’t speed up your progress or hack life. You can only have faith that everything’s going to go well in one way or another.
As we know, this dream is a long process. Right now, we may only have a couple of hundred bucks in the bank and are embarrassing the shit out of ourselves, but that’s all part of the journey.
In a few years’ time, though, if you stick to this one thing, work hard, and give it your all, all that work is going to pay off.
People (might) congratulate you then, but the point is: it doesn’t matter. Then and now, their opinions don’t matter. They definitely shouldn’t have such a strong influence on you that you make decisions you don’t want to make.
The only thing you can do is keep embarrassing yourself. That’s what it takes to make it.
To make it easier, don’t focus on what you’re doing wrong. Focus on what you love. I rarely think about how stupid I look because I’m too focused on writing. On loving what I do. On being grateful that I have a chance to build a life I want.
The number one thing that can push you forward is a love for what you do. Instead of trying to feel accepted, lock yourself in your studio and paint or write your book or build your business. That’s what you like, and that’s what’s going to get you somewhere anyway.
Besides, it’s not all bad, is it? My extended family might think I’m stupid, but my parents? My siblings? We’re all dreamers. My sisters run Etsy shops, my dad’s an artist who sells t-shirts. We’re in this embarrassing journey together.
First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win. — Mahatma Gandhi
You’re not alone, even if it feels like it at times. Spend more time with the people who are on your side and will support you always. Your people. Even if they don’t understand what you do, they’ll root for you.
I’m rooting for you, too.
If this is something you want with every inch of your being, and you’ve got the talent and determination necessary, then I don’t have a doubt in my mind that you can do this. It’s only a matter of time.