You’re Not Lazy. Remove the Barriers to Unleash Your Power Within.
Here’s how to unravel the spell of the past.
You crave the love of the parent you demonized.
Acting out from past influences is destroying the effectiveness of actions and happiness. You need to go Sherlock Holmes on resolving the past or it will continue to play out unconsciously.
Your intimate partner to your job, body image, and bank account level was driven by the effects of this (perceived) devil.
Have the courage to look into dark places. Asking yourself questions that bring answers and tears to your eyes. Unravel the unconscious spell of the past.
Some, not all, of you would have put one parent on a pedestal and anointed them as capable of walking on water.
The other parent is viewed as a demonic type figure who wielded power through their pitchfork-like words and behaviors.
As you didn’t get love from the demon parent, you yearned for their affection. As a kid, you wanted to close the emotional separation with this parent.
Thanks to Bob Hoffman, we now know how this closing of the gap takes place.
Why do you do this?
All people have their innate personalities, along with behaviors that spring out of insecurities and past hurts. Including your parents.
But as a kid, you view one parent as being all good and the other all bad. Believing this is like thinking the mirage water in the desert will quench your thirst. It’s an illusion. It’s not real.
Not seeing the illusion for what it is and wanting to close the gap between yourself and your unfavoured parent, you unconsciously put together a plan.
Bob Hoffman calls this plan the negative love syndrome. It states you take on the negative qualities of this parent and a means to identify with them. If you act like them, they will love you.
Similar to the rapport technique in NLP called mirroring, where you copy the other person’s body language during a conversation. Copying them builds the bridge for connection, unconsciously.
We can see this when your parent is a doctor, and you became a doctor. And ignore your dream of becoming a cartoon artist.
But I hear you say, I did the opposite of what my parent wanted. In a twisted way, it’s still the same. Because to do the opposite, you first need to hold on to it by taking it to be true.
Although this is spiders crawl up your skin type of stuff, borrow down inside yourself:
- Which parent’s love did you yearn for?
- What characteristics and behaviors did you take on from them?
It’s on repeat
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
— Rumi
You continue to do these behaviors as an adult. These clusters of behaviors form false personalities. Common ones are:
- Success at all costs.
- Life of the party.
- Make people laugh.
- Do things for other people.
You may think that these are great things, so what is the problem? Isn’t it good to make people laugh? Doing things for other people is a noble action.
On face value, yes they are, however, you are acting out on an unconscious pattern. The problem with unconscious patterns is you don’t know you are doing it. What appears to be acting from a place of free will isn’t.
Because you don’t see this as a constriction of expressing who you are, you go on with your life, continuing to act out from these patterns.
All the while, never express yourself in the world from a position of who you truly are.
4 areas that they play out
“The truth will set you free”
— The Bible, John 8:32
Identifying what you are doing about the negative love syndrome is important because realizing this enables you to decide to stop and follow a healthy path.
Relationships. You will marry the opposite-sex parent. They will not look like them. But they will have similar qualities and act similarly.
A person close to me cheated on their wife while she was pregnant. His dad had done the same thing when his mom was pregnant with him. He is emotionally close to his mom but acts like his drunken dad.
Career. Although not obvious, there will be aspects of your job. That will mirror that of the parent’s love you craved. It may be the manager you have has the same qualities as them.
I had 3 massive blow-ups in 3 different jobs with dominant managers. They behaved towards me similar to my dominant, aggressive dad. The 4th job it all stopped as I saw the pattern happening again.
This time, it was a woman with overtly masculine energy. I relaxed and set my boundaries with her. Not long after, she left the organization. Every single manager since has been a winner.
Finances. Look at this parent’s relationship with money. If possible, talk to them about what they think about money.
In my 30s I got sick of being poor. I asked my mom about my dad’s relationship money. He had no money and was in debt when he met my mom. Another light bulb moment. So was I.
I bought books and educated myself on money. In a few years, my financial situation is now the total opposite of when I first asked mom this question.
Body Image. My 12-year-old niece was complaining about how she had to wear a dress to a formal event. I never realized, but she always wears baggy tops and tracksuit pants. The same as my sister and my mum. They hide their bodies.
Note: the examples show how theories are backed by real-life scenarios. It’s not to think this isn’t true for me because I didn’t cheat on my pregnant wife.
Search to see where things are playing out for your situation.
Final thoughts
While digging into your past may sound bleak. The complete opposite is the truth.
The ‘ah’ moments are found when you are struck by seeing through the illusion and denial. Like being released from the cocoon, you fly away a new person after deciding you no longer want to act in this way and you want to act in a way that is beneficial for your well-being.
I invite you to take up the challenge. Remove the internal barriers and live the life you were supposed to. Unleash your power within.