You’re Not Going to Be Sent to Prison Just for Having Bad Thoughts

Your thoughts don’t define who you are; your actions do.

A sibling fight is a proper passage of growth. This is how I feel about my relationship with my brother, who is five years older than me.

While growing up, I was his cotton ball or rather a toy. He would take me along for his gully cricket matches and treat me as his sidekick, infuriating me.

Sometimes while playing cricket, I would miss a catch. That would cost him a win, and so he would yell at me in front of twenty other boys and girls. I used to get so angry that I would wish I could hit him hard on the face.

I know it’s pretty harsh, but sibling relationships can be pretty brutal when young. Hair pulling, biting each other, scratching, and chasing each other around the house to get the TV remote is an almost daily routine. Therefore, the only thoughts about him running in my head were vile and vicious. Does that make me a horrible sister or just an innocent child growing up?

Don’t be So Hard on Yourself

Evil thoughts in our childhood seemed innocent. Thoughts such as wishing hell would unleash on that person who is stealing our friend. It wasn’t considered as a parameter to judge if you are a good or bad person. It’s just exploring how we feel about it, and our parents would guide us on how to deal with it rationally.

So then what changes when we grow up?

Why do we treat ourselves with overflowing guilt when we have evil thoughts about someone who has made our life a living hell?

Why do we automatically give ourselves the worst punishment possible just because we FEEL like causing harm, but you know that you would never wish anything wrong upon that person?

You Cannot be Happy ALL the Time

We cannot feel good about everyone all the time. If we are angry at our partners, we cannot tell ourselves how not to feel this way about someone who loves me so much. Of course, you can feel like throwing a frying pan at your partner when he or she drives you nuts, and you cannot pretend that you aren’t fuming with anger. It’s okay to verbalise how you feel. No one will send you to prison just because you feel angry at a given situation.

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”

― Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

It’s okay to have nasty or vile thoughts about someone and even more okay to express it. But, unfortunately, we use these thoughts and turn them into unnecessary worry. For example, we have tough conversations with our parents. Their advice may make your blood boil, and then you think, ‘I must be a horrible person to think this way about my parents’. Trust me; you aren’t the only one who feels this way. Countless people do. But instead of drowning in your self-created pool of guilt, express it and acknowledge how you feel.

Your Actions Define You

You know deep within that you won’t act on your thoughts. That’s because, over time, you have built your entire life on values that you firmly believe in. These values define who you are, and no matter how bad the situation, you will work towards it without causing anyone any harm.

We can have the darkest thoughts running through our minds. But it’s pointless to keep thinking about it as we won’t act on it. But we need to get rid of it, and here are a few ways that work –

• Write about your wicked thoughts, and don’t leave out the cuss words. Read it repeatedly. After some time, you will get bored of it, and that thought disappears.
• Visualise it. Paint a mental picture and see yourself saying those things to that person. It gives you instant relief, and you tell yourself, ‘Okay pal, this is never going to happen’.
• Talk to someone non-judgemental about your thoughts or talk to that person you are having such thoughts. It’s the best way to sort out pent up anger and understand how understanding he or she is towards you. Communication heals everything.
• Vent it out by working out or taking a walk with nature. Nature always heals and gives the mind the fresh air it needs. While working out, sweating releases happy hormones, and you feel much better about yourself. You start thinking about solutions. It’s weird, but great solutions do emerge while you exercise.

So, the next time you feel like smashing someone’s face, throwing stuff or burning someone’s prized possessions, tell yourself it’s okay. Don’t punish yourself by dying in guilt. Instead, take small steps to heal by feeling it, accepting it and then letting it out. Because your thoughts don’t define who you are, your actions do.

This article is in response to KTHT’s guest prompt — “You are not your thoughts.”

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