You’re Not Going Crazy, It’s Normal To Talk To Yourself

Plus it’s good for your dear old mental health.

I talk to myself. Not the silent inner talk. I mean full-blown, distant-eyes, indulged talking that is both audible and slightly scary to watch.

I talk to myself when I’m putting away my laundry and I’m verbally ticking off my to-do list: “Now that’s done, I’ll now start that bloody article…”. I also enjoy having a debate about whether an article idea is good enough — most times, it’s not.

I’ve always talked to myself. And I’ve always received weird looks from family and strangers alike. I see their confused and slightly scared shifting eyes. I hear their quick excuses and I realise that I must have scared the socks off them.

Sometimes I receive a sudden “Sorry, are you talking to me?” that interrupts my monologue. I’m not. I’m just talking to myself out loud. Again.

Truth be told, I don’t hear myself talking. It’s only when someone interrupts the verbal vomit that I realise — oops, I did it again.

One particularly cold November night I laid in bed and voiced out: Is this normal? Have I gone bonkers?

Today, Fatima can tell the scared Fats to calm her cotton socks. It’s normal to talk to herself and she’s not non-compos mentis.

It’s a sign of intellectual competency.

Thank heavens.

Paloma Mari-Beffa, PhD, a neuropsychologist and cognitive psychologist says self-talk is a “sign of high cognitive functioning”. It is an extension of our silent inner talk. But “it’s caused when a certain motor command is triggered involuntarily”.

Both adults and children indulge in self-talk and most people find comfort in it. Yet, there’s a strange stigma around it.

The first time my mum heard me talk to myself, she slapped my arm and told me to stop otherwise I’d end up in a funny farm.

What she didn’t tell was that sometimes a sentence or a rant slips out of her mouth when she’s stressed and she’s talking to herself.

Some psychologists see self-talk as some spoken journal of sorts.

Anne Wilson Schaef, a former psychologist, notes that “we’re probably the most interesting person we know. Knowing ourselves and how we feel can help us grow”.

Audible self-talk “forces us to slow down our thoughts and process them differently. This is because we engage the language centre of our brain,” according to Dr Jessica Nicolosi, a clinical psychologist.

It’s our way of expressing deepened emotions.

I’m talking about more than the odd “where are my keys?” comment at 7:45 am pacing around the house.

Dr Nicolosi explains that deepened emotions such as stress, anger, nervousness, extreme focus or excitement can lead to audible self-talk.

It’s like how we look for intelligent conversations in companions. When they’re not around, we seek ourselves for a good chat.

It has mental health benefits.

Did you know that there’s evidence of improved mental performance related to self-talk?

Even more evidence you’re not ready for the funny farm just yet.

Students who audibly explain to themselves new material are three times better at learning than those who don’t. Reading out loud sustains concentration and enhances performance. It reinforces memory.

And it’s not just mental performance.

Scientists have noticed a higher level of self-control and emotional control in people who voice out their inner monologues.

Swiss psychologist, Jean Piaget observed that toddlers control their actions as soon as they develop language.

When approaching a hot surface, the toddler will say ‘hot, hot, hot’ out loud and move away.

We can also control our emotions. You can slow down your reactive impulses and rant rather than act.

You can also take advantage of psychological distance by referring to yourself in the 2ⁿᵈ or the 3ʳᵈ person.

This can help us reason much more wisely.

It can motivate or demotivate.

Instructional self-talk whilst playing sports boosts your focus, strategy and technique.

Tennis players say things like “come on!” to help stay focused at crucial points in a game. Basketball players can be heard repeating mantras like “keep your head down. Eyes on the ball. Breathe.” to concentrate.

The relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important ones in your life.

How you talk to yourself can nurture or potentially hurt that relationship. Avoid as best as you can to criticise yourself. Rather use kindness and encouragement.

Listen to yourself and pay attention to your words and feelings.

Headspace encourages us to just be self-aware of our language. We don’t have to ‘try’ to speak differently or think ‘positively’. Being self-aware is enough.

When we’re self-aware we cultivate a more conscious understanding of our brain-talk. That way we can start to change.

Be kind to yourself. Aim to use a calm, forgiving and kind voice rather than a demanding, impatient and a judgemental tone.

The way we talk to ourselves determines our self-esteem, self-worth and self-efficacy.

You’re not bonkers, it’s normal to have a good chat with yourself.

If you’re still concerned, try to find a creative outlet that will let your voice “rip” as psychologist Lynn Somerstein suggests.

Otherwise, you’re all good in the head office.

Here’s a quick summary:

• Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Your inner voice defines how others will treat you.
• Use self-talk to your advantage. Whether it’s cheering yourself on or repeating a mantra, keep your monologue motivational.
• Be self-aware. The best way to be more kind and motivating is to listen to yourself.

Use your loud brain-talk to enhance your life.

Fatima Sultan is a writer, tutor and self-proclaimed nerd. She writes about life and its many excitements and disappointments. She also apparently likes referring to herself in the third person. You can read more of her writing by subscribing to her free newsletter.