You’re Missing The Point of Personal Essays
It isn’t about you

One of the first stories I had published was a personal essay, except I didn’t know it was one.
I’d never heard the term “personal essay” so I pitched it as my personal story. Which is pretty much what a personal essay is, right?
What I didn’t realize is a good personal essay is not really about you at all.
The essays that resonate with readers, the ones that make an impact, are about something else.
So, what is that? Before we get to it, let’s start with us and our story.
The “personal” in personal essay
The main reason many of us write personal essays is they are cathartic. (And sometimes because we can earn money from them!)
- They help us work through difficult, confusing, or sad times in our lives.
- We can process strong emotions or reflect on beautiful moments.
- They help us understand the world we live in and our part within that world.
Personal essays are an incredibly powerful way to work through your thoughts and feelings. As an introvert, I’ve always found writing the only way I can express particularly strong emotions.
What if it’s too big?
Often when there’s a lot to be told, I tell my writing students to focus on one aspect or one scene.
What’s the thing keeping you up at night? What’s the issue or moment that keeps popping back up for you? What situation triggered something for you?
Focus on that one scene and write down:
- What happened.
- What led to that moment or made it meaningful (background)
- What it meant for you and how it impacted you at the time?
- How you feel about it now (showing the growth you’ve had since that time).
Sometimes a very difficult piece will need to be left and come back to later. Often you’ll need a few drafts of writing before you really get down what you want to say.
Remember too, personal essays don’t have to be about big things or deep trauma!
Widening the Lens
Now you’ve got your story down, it’s time to take another look and think about your reader. Often we try to cover too much in one essay.
This is the time to think about what you’re really trying to say. It’s time to focus your essay.
Every personal essay has a universal theme that it explores — something we experience that many other people also experience.
We all face fears, illness, failure, loss, etc. There are experiences and emotions that are universal for all or most of us.
Ask yourself what your essay is addressing. You may need to trim or add more to really home in on that theme.
Key takeaway
Personal essays use our personal experience as a lens through which we view something universal, something bigger. It’s not really about us.
More than a diary entry
Personal essays sound like a diary entry to some people, or worse — some kind of self-centered navel gazing. When you understand the purpose of a personal essay you see they are so much more than that.
Personal essays are a way to hold a mirror up for your readers. Your story allows them to see their own story reflected. At their heart, many experiences and emotions are universal. When you talk about the loneliness you felt after your divorce, your readers will be reminded of their own lonely times.
When you write about your fear of failing, you readers will feel like you’re reading their minds.
They’ll feel understood, less alone, see another perspective, or have hope that they’ll be okay.
That’s the power of a personal essay.
Ready to improve your own stories? Grab free writing resources and check out my Introduction to Personal Essays Course






