You’re A Total Catch If You Have These 15 Rare Traits
Give yourself the credit you deserve.
Once upon a time, there was a person who had many amazing qualities, but somehow never truly believed it and as a result, kept settling for less than they deserved in relationships.
Spoiler alert: It’s you!
And you, and you, and also you.
The reasons why so many people have a hard time giving themselves the credit they deserve is for a different article at a different time…today, I want to help you understand the amazing things that you’re capable of bringing to a relationship, in hopes that you start raising your standards and only giving your time to people who deserve it.
In my work as a personal coach, I guide people along the journey inward to recognizing and building this deep sense of confidence and self-worth, and part of that is helping them understand the amazing things about themselves.
In this article, I’ll highlight some of those for you, too.
Disclaimer: This article is gender-neutral. These points go for everyone, so I don’t want to hear anything in the comments about how I’m suggesting that either men or women act a certain way. These are relevant to all humans.
1: Emotional intelligence.
High emotional intelligence (EQ) gives us the ability to connect with others. We can utilize it to show empathy, or compassion, or even to know when it’s best to give someone space.
In matters of the heart, EQ helps us understand our partner (and ourselves) better. It helps us to open up and communicate, and also to stop talking and truly listen.
It allows us to feel what someone needs beyond the words they are telling us, which is often an important skill to hone in relationships, as sometimes people are too shy or insecure to directly express their needs.
If you don’t have a high level of EQ right now, fear not — it is a skill that can be learned over time as we pay closer attention to the nuances of communication, and it will be one that serves us in all areas of life.
It’s a highly desirable trait in an intimate partner, because nobody wants to be with someone who cannot relate to them, cannot connect to them, and cannot understand them.
2: You’re tactful in your delivery.
Everyone wants to be with somebody who’s honest — but nobody wants to be with someone who’s harsh.
I believe that both men and women have veered down a road of “I don’t care if you like me!” and say whatever they want to say.
It’s fine to be honest, but only certain people are able to deliver that honesty in a tactful and kind package.
You’re going to have a lot of important conversations over the course of your relationship. You’ll have to express your needs to your partner. You’ll disagree with them about certain things. You’ll have to comfort them in times of need…
The way that you say things will play a massive role in all of these times during your lives. Just as the old saying goes: It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
To put it bluntly: Tell the truth, but don’t be an asshole about it.
3: Empathy.
SHEESH is this a big one. A BIG one.
Empathy is the ability or practice of imagining or trying to deeply understand what someone else is feeling or what it’s like to be in their situation.
Empathy helps us to be supportive of others, to stand by them during tough times, to be the one they call when they need help or guidance.
When you’re in a relationship, this is who you’ll be for your partner.
And, this is who they should be for you, too.
I don’t believe that a relationship can truly thrive without empathy. It could survive, sure, but there won’t be the deep bond and connection that is only formed when two people strive to understand each other.
4: High self-worth.
I see the irony here — people with high self worth don’t need an article about giving themselves the credit they deserve, because they already recognize their own value.
It still belongs on a list of highly desirable qualities, though.
People with high self-worth treat themselves well. They value their time, heart, energy, and body — and only give it to people who deserve it.
That is the very essence of something being highly valuable or desired — the fact that not everyone can access it.
Having high self-worth shows that you have standards and boundaries. People need to earn your attention, your trust, your time — and they need to continue doing so to show that they are serious.
You might think that this makes you sound too “hard to get,” but that’s the point. It’s not about playing hard to get…it’s about being hard to get.
Others with high self-worth will not only recognize that about you, they’ll value and cherish it.
5: Intellectual curiosity.
Intellectual curiosity is the fuel of personal growth. It’s what keeps us learning, traveling, exploring, absorbing information about the world around us.
Being intellectually curious makes us interesting.
Long term relationships are just that…long term. Can you imagine dedicating the rest of your life to someone who’s…well, boring?
Someone who doesn’t value discovering new things, or having meaningful conversations, or growing together as a couple? Someone who doesn’t want to improve, learn new skills, or level-up in life?
I believe that lifelong relationships require two partners to work together as a team in order to create the life that they both want — and if one person refuses to grow and develop into the partner they need to be, they won’t be able to hold up their end of the bargain.
Mutual growth must occur in any long term relationship — both as individuals, and as a couple.
6: Real confidence.
I said real confidence for a reason here. Not just the image you portray, or what you want people to believe…but genuine, actual confidence.
We all know that confidence is attractive — but why?
Confidence signals certainty in one’s self. It shows that you’ve put in the time and the work to build credibility with yourself. You’ve honed a skill, or achieved goals, or developed habits, or have overcome challenges or traumas in your life.
You see — real confidence is earned.
And on the journey of earning, is learning.
(Wow, that sounded cheesy. I’m sorry).
It’s the truth, though. The journey is what molds and develops you into the person you’ve become today. It teaches you about yourself (and others). It shows you what you’re capable of. It gives you the courage to stop taking crap from people, and, it helps you pursue the things that you want in life because you know you’re capable of getting them.
7: Class.
Carrying yourself with class is what elevates you above the rest. It’s what separates you from the masses of society who stumble about their day with little thought put into how they’re presenting themselves or what they’re communicating to the world.
I’m not talking about appearance, I’m talking about attitude.
Class is an attitude.
Class is a way of treating others that shows respect and dignity.
Class is a way of treating yourself that shows integrity and standards.
Having class is not about how much money you make, where you live, what you drive, or how you dress.
It’s about the way you choose to show up in the world — choose being the key word, because it’s an option for all of us.
Don’t let the highly curated Instagram feeds of #class influence what real integrity looks like. Etiquette, manners, grace, tact, communication skills, poised body language — all talents that men and women alike can learn and implement in their daily lives.
It’s rare, which is exactly what makes it powerful.
8: Kindness.
Think about this: How many people do you cross paths with during the day that you can genuinely say “Wow, that person was really kind”?
Probably fewer than you’d like.
Now, I get it — life is hectic. Stressful. Busy. Chaotic at times, and the last thing most people are worried about is being kind to strangers at all moments of the day.
I do believe, though, that when kindness is a selected piece of our personal identity, it radiates from us more often than not.
It doesn’t take much effort to be patient with the cashier or the barista. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds to hold the door open for someone. Not more than a moment to say “Hey, I love your coat” to a stranger in the retail store.
Kindness, though, goes so far beyond small acts during the course of the day. When it’s truly ingrained in your identity, it dictates how you treat yourself and others you care about. Kindness brings understanding, peace, comfort, and patience. Kindness makes you feel good about yourself. Kindness gives without expectation of a return.
Kindness is being a source of light in someone’s life when everything else seems like darkness.
9: Patience.
I’ve been saying it a lot more lately — life is long.
When you’re choosing one person to spend the rest of it with, that is a lot of time together.
It’s a lot of life changes.
A lot of new ventures.
A lot of failures.
A lot of lessons.
A lot of new experiences.
Imagine trying to navigate the new terrains life brings you every day with someone who’s impatient, frantic, rushed, and plows through their days with no regard of whether or not you’re beside them, behind them, or anywhere to be seen.
You certainly will not have the luxury of taking your time and learning things for yourself. You’ll feel pressured to be “on” at all times. Your failures will seem more severe, and your victories will seem fleeting as it’s suddenly “on to the next” thing.
Choose someone who has patience. Someone who can slow down and recognize that life is not a race.
On the contrary — those who get to the finish line first…lose.
10: Sex appeal.
Before you huff and puff your way to the comments, let’s talk about this for a second.
Everyone is attracted to something different.
Sex appeal is not universal.
Sex appeal is not about your appearance.
Sex appeal isn’t about getting lucky in the gene pool.
Sex appeal varies vastly dependent on personal preference, cultural norms, generations…
But most of all, it comes down to the level of confidence you carry yourself with, and how you engage and interact with the person you’re choosing to give yourself to.
Sex appeal radiates from you when you are existing as your truest and most authentic self. That is what’s attractive. That is what’s high value. That is what draws the right people to you.
And — that lasts far longer than outward appearance which could change or fade. Sex appeal is intrinsic, and you hold the power to decide who you let see it, or not.
11: Passion.
No, this doesn’t intentionally follow the previous point. We’re not talking about sexual passion here (though, that is very important, too).
We are talking about living with passion. Having interests that set your soul on fire. Being in awe of the world. Goals, dreams, missions, a purpose in life that sets you into motion every single day.
When you live with passion, you choose to create a life that you love, regardless of what anyone else thinks of it. Simultaneously, you’re radiating your light into the world that tends to draw people to you as a result. You walk around with a glow surrounding you, signaling that you are living differently than most.
You’re living with intention.
You know where you’re going, and why you’re going there.
That intrigues people, and makes them want to share their light with you, as well.
12: Humor.
Life is serious enough as it is, you don’t need to be with someone who dries up the experience even more with a lack of humor or fun.
Of course, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, and I’m not suggesting to be with someone who is incapable of being a serious adult — this is about balance.
Humor, though, is an imperative ingredient in the recipe of life. It helps to lighten the mood, to move through challenges, to enhance already happy occasions.
Life will bring you enough reasons to cry together…make sure you have even more reasons to laugh together.
13: The ability to forgive.
Well golly-gee-willikers here’s a newsflash: You’re going to mess up in your relationship.
You both are.
You’ll say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing, or both at the same time.
Hopefully, it’s not intentional or mean-spirited, because that’s a whole different conversation.
For honest mistakes, though…there must be forgiveness and understanding. There must be space for shortcomings in your relationship, as nobody is perfect.
If your partner holds every little thing you’ve ever done wrong against you, though…if they keep a mental record so they can bring it up later, or use it to make you feel badly…that is not a sign of healthy love.
Some things, of course, are unforgivable. Abuse, cheating, betrayal…we all need limits on what we will and won’t accept from our partner.
For the things within those limits, though — there is forgiveness.
14: Dedication.
I often use the word dedication over commitment because it sounds more intentional to me.
Commitment is sticking with something (or someone) over a long period of time. But, sometimes, that can be passive.
Just sort of…coasting along. Staying committed. No real action required.
Dedication, though, requires you to step up and actually do something in the relationship.
You’ll stay dedicated to romance. Dedicated to date nights. Dedicated to making your partner feel special.
Dedicated to a health and fitness routine that keep you around for as long as possible.
Dedicated to your family, kids, pets, whatever makes up your nucleus.
Someone who is dedicated understands the value of putting consistent effort into the areas of life (and the people) that they care most about.
They also understand that there is no replacing the payoff that comes from it.
15: Being YOU.
Here it is — the ultimate culmination of it all.
There is no trait more valuable than being your fully authentic, most genuine self.
No other human alive is capable of possessing this trait.
No other person to ever exist can claim this power.
There is no greater rarity than “one.”
Too many people are trying to conform, or fit a mold, or imitate others — and in doing so, they sacrifice the greatest gift they could ever receive: Their individuality.
Everyone wants “the only one” of something. It’s the highest value. The most desirable.
When you fully step into that realization and choose to shine as only you can, it’s a light that can quite literally never be matched anywhere else in the world.
You must stop allowing it to be dimmed by other people’s opinions, or ideas about what you should be. Stop allowing it to be shrouded by the false narratives and limits that others have placed on you. Stop wondering where you “fit,” and start creating your own place here in this life.
We only get one shot at this — don’t waste it by ignoring the person who you truly are.
Let them out. Let them shine. Let them be free.
It’s the greatest gift you’ll ever give to yourself.
My private clients find themselves living more confident, purposeful lives and cultivating healthier relationships with those around them. Click here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit to work together.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.