Sarcasm

Your Titles vs My Brain

Part 4

Your title: To Be A Great Writer Is To Artfully Annoy People My brain: To Be a Master Editor is to Skillfully Make Writers Cry

Your title: Why You Should Make More Intentional Mistakes My brain: Imma pass on this one. I make enough unintentional ones as it is.

Your title: Coffee Was Called “Satan’s Drink” Until the Pope Blessed It My brain: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. A lot. Pass the creamer.

Your title: The Man Who Fell Overboard and Survived 29 Hours Lost at Sea My brain: All because he wouldn’t stop and ask for directions.

Your title: 100 Very Short Rules for a Better Life My brain: And 99 of them you’ll need an alibi for.

Your title: A Simple Strategy for When You’re Losing It My brain: Grab the keys to the liquor cabinet?

Your title: Depression Is One Companion I Can Do Without My brain: Speak for yourself while listening to, “You’ve got a Friend”.

Your title: How I Finally Defeated Chronic Procrastination My brain: I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Your title: What Day of the Week is the Most Mentally Draining? My brain: Hint, it’s a seven-way tie.

Your title: What Does It Mean To Chase A Dream? My brain: Think of a dog chasing a car. Once the car stops, now what….?

Your title: An Excuse to get Dressed My brain: Food delivery due to arrive?

Your title: Before We Got a Relief Check, Bombs Were Dropped on Syria My brain: Anyone want to borrow my shocked face?

Your title: Self-Care Isn’t Wine, Comfort Food, and Netflix My brain: Of course, it isn’t. It’s coffee, chocolate, and Medium!

Your title: I Saw Myself in the Mirror and It Wasn’t Pretty My brain: Which is why I don’t own a mirror. Or a scale.

Your title: I Just Want To Be Me Today My brain: But that gets me beat up…

Your title: This Woman Lived Alone for 18 Years on Her Tribe’s Island My brain: -sigh-

Your title: Your Minimum Wage is in the Hands of Wealthy Washington Politicians and Tech My brain: OFW ¯\_ ( ツ)_/¯

Your title: 3 Ways To Become a More Interesting Person My brain: Yeah, no. This is as good as it gets.

Your title: Learn How to Be Indifferent to What People Will Think of You My brain: New tattoo “IDGAF” across each knuckle.

Your title: How Long Is a Year Anyway? My brain: There is no such thing as a “year”. There’s today, yesterday, and maybe tomorrow.

Your title: She Was Outcast For Her Erotica, Feminism Absolved Her My brain: One should have never happened, and the other isn’t enough.

Your title: Are Men Threatened by Successful Women? My brain: Successful, not. Short, tall. Fat, skinny. Young, old…

Your title: When Your Partner Wants A Robot My brain: “Hey, Alexa, where is the Roomba?”

Your title: Why Arguments Are Pointless My brain: Because they are.

Your title: Your Guide To Building a Stronger Body — From a Personal Trainer My brain: Put down the Pringles?

Your title: How I Quit Refined Sugar Using a Commitment Contract My brain: Is that anything like a marriage certificate?

Your title: Five Books That Will Change The Way You Think About America My brain: (1) Bible. (2) dictionary. (3) thesaurus. (4) Sears 1976 Wish List catalog. (5) A 1975 Yellow Pages.

Your title: The Coronavirus Is Plotting a Comeback. Here’s Our Chance to Stop It for Good. My brain: Um, stop being self-centered dumb asses?

Your title: Twitter Shakes Off the Cobwebs With New Product Plans My brain: Next stop, MySpace.

Your title: Can Clubhouse Move Fast Without Breaking Things? My brain: If the question has to be asked…

Your title: Why Religion Fails to Give the Answers We Crave My brain: We’re not meant to have all the answers! #faith

Your title: How I Used the Desensitization Technique to Control My Fear of Public Speaking My brain: Ah, so they’re not using that “fake it til you make” crap any longer, I see.

Your title: You Can Train Yourself to Be Superbly Self-Confident My brain: My therapist calls it denial.

Your title: I Want to Retire in the Next 5 Years. I Am 34-Years-Old. People Tell Me This Is Nuts. My brain: Nah, the naysayers have limited vision and are scared or lazy.

Your title: 10 Different Ways to Share Your Article on Twitter My brain: Assuming you have Twit-er (Yes, I know it’s spelled “wrong”)

Your title: What’s It Like To Live In a Country Where Girls Are Unwanted My brain: That’s practically every country on the planet. #2022

Your title: Money Can Buy You Love, and Everyone Knows It My brain: I dunno but I’d sure love to test that theory!

Your title: When to Write, and When Not to Write My brain: That is the question. (A head nod to William Shakespeare’s play Hamlet)

Your title: So You Want to Start Writing? My brain: (in Yoda’s voice) Do not start. Do.

Your title: 3 Ways To Tell Someone You Don’t Like Their Writing My brain: Remember, “You’re not as funny as you think you are,” after Part 2?

Your title: I Tried Tinder’s Premium Service and Felt Like a Dating Goddess My brain: I didn’t and I feel like a million bucks!

Your title: Writing Content For Yourself Rather Than an Audience Isn’t As Bad As You Think My brain: WORD UP!!!!

Your title: The Best Way to Tell if You’re Improving as a Writer My brain: You have more Followers than people blocking you?

Your title: How to Stay with an Idea Until it’s Finished My brain: I’m sorry, what?

Your title: Can we Cure our Climate? Or are we screwed? My brain: Ah, I see you’ve answered your own question.

“Until next time America!” ~ Maury Povich