Your Story Has Too Many Words

Improve Your Writing to Keep Readers Coming Back

In 1782, Emperor Joseph the 2nd is said to have commented “too many notes” to Mozart after listening to his opera “The Abduction from the Seraglio.” Mozart stated he had “just enough notes.” Writers need to have just enough words.

Note: The title of this story is “Your Story Has Too Many Words.” It is not “Your Story Is Too Long.” A 3-minute read can have too many words. A 12-minute read may not have enough words.

In my past career as a professional editor, I’ve removed thousands of words. I often wonder how we learned to write so many words. Didn’t our English and composition teachers know better?

There was/There are

Of all the words I’ve removed most often, “there was,” “there are,” “there is,” “there were” top the list. These words NEVER add anything to a sentence. The “there” words mean nothing. Please stop starting sentences with nothing.

Compare “There were lots of dogs in the park.” to “Ten Dogs frolicked in Washington Park this afternoon.” Or “barked” or “pooped” or “ran loose” or whatever they did.

While you’re getting rid of “there were,” include a few specific details: the name of the park, time of day, the number of dogs, and what they did.

Adjectives

No, you’re not going to abolish adjectives, any more than Ernest Hemingway omitted them. He used them carefully. But you are going to get rid of too many adjectives and over-used adjectives.

Let’s play with this sentence, “Margaret was a very beautiful young woman who walked with great grace into the ballroom where there were lots of people.”

What can we take out? What words can be replaced?

For starters, immediately remove “very” and “great.” Maybe “gorgeous” is a good replacement for “very beautiful.” How can we get rid of “was”? Surely we can do something about “with great grace”? Maybe “walked gracefully”? Or even better, replace the three word phrase to one word: “glided.”

After editing, we have “Margaret, a gorgeous young woman, glided into the ballroom”? Maybe Margaret isn’t “gorgeous.” Is she “stunning”? Or maybe “lovely”? I don’t know Margaret, but I do know that “beautiful” is over-used.

And “where there were lots of people” can be condensed to one word: “crowded.” After removing 12 words, we have a stronger sentence, a sentence with fewer words, and a sentence that provides a clearer picture for our readers.

“Margaret, a gorgeous young woman, glided into the crowded ballroom.”

Adverbs

Adverbs modify verbs. But most verbs don’t need modifying. For example, “He screamed loudly at his son.” Has anyone ever screamed softly?

Compare “She went quickly to the grocery store” to “She dashed to the grocery store.” By using the strong verb “rushed,” you deleted two words and replaced the adverb.

Every time you see a word ending in “ly,” ask if it’s needed. Adverbs can be a writer’s curse. Don’t let them clutter your writing.

Note

In most of the examples above for adjectives and adverbs, we’ve reduced two words to one word. Multiply these examples by several pages of your writing, and you will have removed dozens of words. Your writing is clearer and more direct.

Probably, Maybe, Perhaps

Stop hedging! Stop doubting yourself! It’s time to own your beliefs, your writing, your author voice. People will disagree with you. This is good. It indicates they’re reading your writing and taking it seriously.

Say “No” to “Maybe I could write a story.” “No” to “Probably I’ll work on the last chapter this week.” “No” to “Perhaps I’ll finish the editing the book.”

Write your story. Work on the last chapter. Finish your book. Talking to yourself using “perhaps,” “maybe,” and “probably” influences your non-action.

Words act as powerful motivators, including the motivation to procrastinate. “Motivation” is a neutral word. It can mean “motivation to improve one’s writing.” It can also mean “motivation to rob a bank.”

Stop hedging with “Perhaps her speech was unclear. Maybe she didn’t know what she was talking about. I probably didn’t listen carefully enough.” Don’t blame yourself. Again, stop being fearful that someone will disagree with you.

State what you experienced: “Her speech was unclear because she didn’t know what she was talking about.” You might be wrong, but you’re stating your belief in what you heard.

Favorite Words

All writers have favorite words. Most aren’t bad words. But having been etched in our brain, we continue overusing them. Often in the same story or blog post.

My favorites are “however,” “just,” and “so.”

Use “however” to show an opposing viewpoint: “Double chocolate fudge cake is delicious. However, too much of it might cause diabetes because of its high sugar content.”

The trouble starts when you use “however” over and over in one post. (Note to myself: MaryJo, please, stop doing that.)

“Just” is a bad word, unless you’re using it in the context of “fair and just.” At the moment, I can’t think of an example where one might use it. (I’m sure there must be one.)

Compare “Just as he got to the stairs, he fell down.” with “As he got to the stairs, he fell down.” Or “When he got to the stairs, he fell down.” No reason for “just.”

“So” is a close second to “just.” Watch for it. “I needed to get out of the house so I went to the grocery store. “So then” is even worse. “I needed to get out of the house so then I went to the grocery store. Better: “Realizing I needed to get out of the house, I went to the grocery store.”

Make a list of your favorite words. Have you used them too often in your story? Use the “find” tool in Microsoft Word to see how frequently your favorite word pops up. (Copy and paste your story into Word to use the tool.)

Cliches

More than 400 years ago, Shakespeare wrote “love is blind,” “it’s all Greek to me,” “wild goose chase,” “heart of gold,” and “break the ice.” These phrases have become cliches. Stop quoting Shakespeare. Clichefinder.com can help you track down your cliches.

Not sure about about a cliche, check clichefinder.net

“ing” Words

Your English teacher called words ending in ing “gerunds.” Although not technically in the category of words to remove, gerunds are weak words.

Compare “As I was driving down the street,” to “As I drove down the street,” By replacing “was driving” with “drove,” you’ve removed a word and replaced a gerund with a verb.

Big Words

In the example above about adjectives, we didn’t replace “beautiful” with “pulchritudinous.” (In case you didn’t know — I didn’t — “pulchritudinous” is a synonym for “beautiful.”)

This doesn’t mean you can’t use “big words.” We’re told not to use words much beyond what a 4th grader can read. What an insult to my readers! “Big words” refers to words rarely used in popular press publications such as USA Today and People magazine. I don’t write for that audience. You probably don’t either.

I’ve used words like “extraneous” and nobody died. Maybe “unnecessary” is better, but “extraneous” has a nice ring to it. If you’re not sure about a word, read the sentence. Often what might be an uncommon word is explained by the rest of the sentence.

“Her desk was piled with extraneous documents and notes.” For most readers, it would be clear that “extraneous” means “unnecessary stuff is on her desk.”

Boring and Overused Words

Replace boring words like “big,” “small,” “tired,” “little,” “a lot,” “said,” “interesting,” “think,” “was,” “were.” Look for these words in your writing and find replacements for them.

Trendy words get old quickly. Replace “amazing,” “cool,” and “awesome.”

Become Friends with the Thesaurus for Replacement Words

My 8th grade English teacher, Miss Weinhardt, instructed the class never to use a thesaurus. “Let the words come to you,” she told us.

Really? 8th grade? The “right” word is coming to me?

What if the only word that comes to you is “beautiful,” or “amazing,” or some other overused word? Don’t listen to Miss Weinhardt. Even 8th grade English teachers can be wrong.

When you can’t think of words to replace boring and overused words, the thesaurus is your friend. You can find a thesaurus online. You can also find lists of overused words to avoid at Grammarly. Look for lists of power words that trigger an emotional response from readers. Use these words.

Just Google to find an online thesaurus and lists of words. Oops, see how easily I “just” used “just!” Favorite words are insidious!

Oops, again. I just used the big word “insidious.” But I’ll bet you can figure out what it means from the context of the sentence if it’s a new word for you.

Now that you know what to do, compile a checklist to polish your writing with the tips I’ve given you.

Write down each tip on a lined note pad. Compare your writing with your list. Once you’ve done this a few times, your writing will improve as will your editing skills. You’ll no longer need your checklist.

I believe in editing one’s work. Some would tell you that quantity is more important, especially if you’re writing a quick story on Medium or a blog post for your website. They say that editing isn’t necessary.

A couple months ago, I was challenged to write a post on Medium every day for thirty days. I edited every post. I read every post out loud. And yes, I completed the challenge.

I continue to write almost every day and to edit what I write. I disagree with those who say don’t bother editing. Your writing represents you. Don’t you want to be represented by your best?

However (there’s that word again), I do have to remind myself to stop imitating Ernest Hemingway. It’s rumored that he revised The Old Man and the Sea more than two hundred times.

All writing, including “how to” and “tips” articles, should flow. Reading your writing out loud is your best editing tool for smooth writing.

If you haven’t tried reading stories out loud before hitting “publish,” you’ll be surprised at what you catch that needs editing.

More Words Can Also Improve Your Writing

Compare “The house on the corner was really old” to “The house on the corner, built in 1886, belonged to Thomas Simpson.” I removed “was really old,” and rewrote the sentence to include the date and owner’s name. And I got rid of that overused word “was.”

“Really old” is also relative. I live in Colorado. A house built in 1886 is “really old.” Less old if I lived in Massachusetts. And even less old if it’s located in London.

Good writing is specific, detailed, and clear. “Really old” doesn’t tell us much and is easy to misunderstand.

Depending on my age, where I live, and my interest in old houses, I might assume “really old” means 1920. Or if I’m a senior, gray-haired writer with a PhD in American history, I might assume “really old” indicates pre-Civil War, i.e. before 1861.

Add specificity to make your writing more engaging and more accurate with less chance of being misunderstood. Being specific is an example where more words are better. You’ll attract more readers, more fans, more responses.

Click below to read about the importance of reading your story aloud.