Your Relationship with Money: Which Stage Are You
How to determine which stage your relationship with money is in
Just like any other relationships, our relationship with money can go through stages. Some stages are healthy and some are not. Determining which stage our relationship with money is can help us formulate a better life plan for ourselves.
When I first started working on improving my relationship with money, I had felt clueless. I could not quite grasp how to build a connection with something that is inanimate. Money felt “cold”, like an object. It didn’t sound all that friendly either.
Later on, as I spent more time in reflection, I realised that what can be helpful is to imagine the relationship as one that is romantic. After all, a relationship represents a connection between two parts or entities. I started to ask myself….
So, what if money is a lover, friend or partner?
How can I bring more life to a relationship that is stagnant, unhealthy and a struggle?
As I thought about the relationships in general, I began to see how I can apply the same principles to my relationship with money. Suddenly, it hit me that I could draw lessons from a series of failed romantic relationships when I was in my 20s and also, wisdom from a 20-year marriage to my soul mate. These gems can be applied in the context of improving our relationship with money.
“There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.” Deepak Chopra
I went on to sharing the concept with others. From the feedback I gathered, I found out that viewing money as a romantic partner is an easier concept for others to grasp too. While you can also view money as a friend, instead of as a lover or a soul mate, it is still easier to understand things in terms of a romantic relationship. So if you are looking for a way to improve your relationship with money, it is how you can begin.
The Relationship with Money Stages
To create better understanding, consider the different phases that a romantic relationship will go through; that is from dating to developing love and true intimacy. Next, draw on this understanding to apply it in the context of your relationship with money.
Improve Your Relationship with Money: The Dating Stage
Remember how exciting it can be when you are in the dating phase of a relationship?
Well, this is the phase you are eager to find out more about the other party. You have just begun to date and you are feeling the butterflies in your stomach. There is intense curiosity and you are hoping to get to know what your partner is like. What are his/her interests? What’s the type of food that he/she likes? You are asking questions and paying attention to the needs of your date.
So, begin to date money. Go on long walks. Light candles to create the mood, if you must. It is when you start to ask basic questions like… – Who or what is this money energy? – Why do you need money in your life? - How can you and money become better friends for a start?
In other words, dedicate this phase to learning about what money is and what does money respond to. This will also include finding out about how the Universe works and the Law of Attraction, in order to learn how to attract more money love into your life.
Improve Your Relationship with Money: The Doubt Stage
At some stage, you may begin to wonder if committing to more dates is ever going to work. You have not had a successful relationship before. Think about past disappointments. All the hurts you’ve been through. The nights you’ve cried yourself to sleep. How is it going to be different this time?
The opposite of doubt is trust. Relationships are able to move to the next level when there is more trust coming in. You trust that the partner you are with is the one you want to be with for a very long time.
When it is about your relationship with money, trust means that you give yourself the permission to pursue a greater understanding with it. You trust that an understanding of money does not necessarily lead to an unhealthy obsession. On the other hand, you can choose to take charge and do what it takes to build a more secure relationship.
Improve Your Relationship with Money: The Struggle Stage
Both the doubt and struggle phases usually occur quickly after the blissful courtship period. The honeymoon period is clearly over! You are questioning more. This is when you start to confront each other about your differences.
Ironing out conflicts is key during this period. Your partner has a way of triggering intense negative reactions that come from unresolved childhood issues. You trigger stuff in your partner too. Both your reactions may even have resulted in a major argument.
What are your beliefs that are not congruent for an open, honest and healthy relationship with money? What is the money story that you are telling? Is fear ruining your relationship?
The struggle phase calls for more tolerance, patience and understanding. It requires working on clearing your negative emotions and removing your limiting beliefs. In all likelihood, you need to look into any childhood wounds if any. It’s how you can build a solid foundation for your relationship with your partner and/or money, from the inside-out.
“Love is a verb. It’s an action requiring your involvement and your active participation. You cannot sit back and expect the world will serve it to you. You cannot expect that your relationship will continue to provide love while you’re not putting in any effort. Love has to be earned and must be continually fought for.” Stephen Covey
Improve Your Relationship with Money: The Commitment & Intimacy Stage
Think of a married couple whose relationship is stable. They are in the commitment and intimacy stage. This stage may appear to be boring. It is when things get repetitious. Both parties are in a routine. Yet, it’s easy to become lax, when one is not mindful. Hence, continued dates to strengthen existing bond, are important. Communication is key!
The commitment phase includes learning how to manage money. It involves matters such as savings, investing, budgeting and so on. It means finding better ways to grow your wealth and saving for retirement together. You may also be consulting expert advice.
This phase is not necessarily dull when you start to reap rewards. After all, you are developing true intimacy. You are better able to manage your emotional reactions to money. With improved communication, you now speak the language of money. There is ease and confidence in the relationship. You are enjoying wedded bliss!
Create a Loving and Healthy Relationship with Money
True love is about growing as a couple, learning about each other and never giving up on each other. Nothing good happens by chance. You need to give your relationship the attention it needs. When you give it more love, you get more love back. Similarly, when you give a balanced attention to money, it naturally flows into your life.
Any change in relationship with money or others, often starts from building a relationship with the self. It all stems from using an inside-out approach. Indeed, I have learned to build a better relationship with money, after changing what I think and feel towards financial abundance and my self-worth.
Hence, determine which stage your relationship with money is in and work on growing it. Make the shifts from an inside-out approach. A healthy and balanced relationship with money generates great returns in well-being at every level.
