Your Problems Really Want You to Leave Them Alone
A lot of people say they want a problem to go away, but they treat their unwanted problem like a possession.
They protect it. They defend it. They justify it.
Here is a free coaching lesson for today.
I’ve studied and observed a lot about human behavior.
I was in the service of taking care of patients for over 25 years. Now I coach people to live more enriched lives.
There is a behavior I see in many of the people who come to me for help.
They say they want their problems to go away, but their thoughts and actions are keeping them near.
Sometimes I hear a sense of pride or amusement when they tell their stories.
They defend the condition with anger or righteousness.
Other times they sound really excited when they talk about their problem or condition.
It’s almost like the person is nurturing a little pet.
I saw this regarding common health problems.
Have you heard yourself claiming an ailment as your own?
my headaches,
my high blood pressure,
my asthma,
my diabetes,
my arthritis….?
Have you used popular nicknames to refer to treatments or disorders such as “my meds”, “OAB”, “ED”?
Have you ever argued that your condition is “different”, or “worse than”, or “complicated”?
These are clues that you’ve taken on the problem as part of who you are.
You’re nurturing it, feeding it, giving it a home, so of course it doesn’t want to leave.
I see this regarding life circumstances too.
Do you tell the same story over and over again? About how you were treated unfairly, or wronged by someone?
(By the way, why is it always the ex who was the bad guy in a breakup?)
Are you still blaming your parents? Your teachers? Your boss? Your kids?
Is your story your identity? Does it label you?
We want these problems to just leave us alone, but there must be one part of us that hangs on to them.
I get it. We’ve all done this.
It’s easy to take on our story as our identity. Our careers and our labels become our identity.
There can be hidden benefits to having a problem.
Problems can lead to us getting attention from other people. They can give us a reason to explain why things are the way that they are.
We can build a tribe around a diagnosis or a life situation. It’s hard to let go of that.
But until we recognize that we’ve been holding onto a problem, it’s not going to leave. It can’t leave.
When I pick up on clues that someone is unknowingly holding a problem captive, my first thought and responsibility is to teach a person this:
A problem that you own, carry with you and describe as a possession, will never leave you!
Likewise, a condition that you defend, make excuses for, or fight for will never leave you.
Poor health or chaos in your life is not your natural state, so do not claim them as part of who you are.
We all have some pesky problem that we want to go away. Somehow it has felt stuck and stubborn.
Be honest with yourself. Have you consciously or subconsciously been unwilling to let it go?
Do a thought inventory and make sure your thoughts and actions aren’t keeping these problems attached to you.
Here is one of my favorite coaching questions:
What problems would it cause for you if this problem suddenly went away?
Let that one sink in.
If you are really ready to say goodbye to your “thing”, don’t let anything define you that you don’t want to be true for you.
Open the door and say goodbye.
“I fully and freely release you. We don’t need each other any more. I release you, and we all move on to a higher good.”
Starting today, do not claim anything less than perfection as your own, and watch your circumstances and your health improve.
When they do, please share your stories with me!
As always, I wish you all the best.
Visit me at www.christinebradstreet.com
You deserve genuine and lifelong happiness, the type of happiness that can’t be taken away from you no matter what sort of craziness is happening in the world. Read my book, Happy Ever After. We can all use that right now.
