Stand up for yourself
Your Negative Emotions Are a Gang of Bullies
And how do we deal with bullies?
When I was young, my Dad gave me some good advice
He said that when facing a gang of bullies, you pick the biggest one and headbutt them in the teeth.
It’s good advice because no one expects you to do that.
Of course, it may not work with a gang of genuinely dangerous people, and you could find yourself in concrete boots as a result. But growing up, most of the bullies we encounter are just bags of hot wind.
In other words, they talk the talk, but they have no substance.
Bullying works because it is dependant on showmanship
And, it is usually successful because humans are predictable.
When you play the numbers game of acting tough, most people back down, especially when the odds are against them.
It takes a rare character to notice the tendency to run away and then do the opposite. When you are in that position, your default action is to plead for your life, and the default action of the bully is to strike fear into your heart with the threat of attack.
But a clever, brave person notices the tendency and switches the role. They become the attacker, and when bullying is a show, the bully tends to change roles quickly as well.
Why emotions are like bullies
I know some tough people who are bullied internally by their negative emotions.
We don’t tend to think of negative emotions as bullies because we still think that we own them — that they are us.
This assumed identification with emotions renders us powerless to fight the bastards. It becomes a mistaken battle with yourself instead, where you get more and more frustrated because you can’t ‘control your own mind’.
The fight against the bully gang of negative emotions begins with acknowledging that they are not you.
To do this, it might help to make characters out of them.
Give anxiety a name such as ‘Garth’. Then give it a personality as this whining, bitching little shit. Make Garth a coward of a gang leader that maintains strength through a big fucking mouth.
Know without a doubt that if Garth was left in a room and it’s just you and him, you could whip that little shit into next week without blinking an eye.
Anxiety, like Garth, is just a word, but through the concept of anxiety, we allow this little bastard Garth to control us.
By giving Garth a name and a personality, next time that fuckhead shows up, we don’t say I am anxious. We say,
‘Oh, it’s that little bastard Garth again’.
We need to do the same with all the emotions.
When anger arises, don’t think ‘I am angry’.
Instead, give anger a name — Loki or something. When Loki arrives on the scene, you see him visually being an angry spoilt shithead, and you say, Loki, you fuckhead. Nice to see you again, like you are greeting a long-time arch enemy.
Using this method, I have found myself speaking aloud from time to time, saying things like ‘Fuck you, Garth, you little prick’ in public places. I could be anywhere, really — on an escalator at K-Mart or in a noodle restaurant. You might look like a mad bastard but regardless, you must give yourself the freedom to interact with these little bully bastards wherever you are.
You cant let these pricks push you around anymore, cowering into a corner like a little weakling.
Sometimes, I say to Garth,
Come on then, you little prick. You think you’re tough eh? Let’s see what you’ve got.
In saying that I invite Garth to do his worst and it is liberating to watch that little bastard retreat quickly, knowing that all he has is words and fuck all substance to back it up.
Garth’s whole gang is like that. They are literally just words and zero substance.
Like everything, standing up to bullies is a skill that gets easier over time.
And I know some people will read this and go.
‘It’s just not that easy, Frank. You just don’t understand.’
You are wrong. Most of you mistakenly own your anxiety. Some of you wear it like a badge and think that you are special in some way.
You’re not.
And yes, I am speaking from experience, but yes, when you have been bullied by some fucker for a long time, the habit of subservience gets harder and harder to break.
That’s just how abusive relationships work. The groove gets deeper, and you become more and more afraid.
But that’s why we like those films where suddenly, an abused spouse turns on their partner and shoots them in the face.
We love watching the weak become the strong.
Still, it’s impossible in our heads until we get rid of the stupid names like, my anxiety, my anger and instead expose these fucking bullies for the substanceless big mouths that they are.
Give them good names, See their characters in your head, then go after the bastards.
Just shake your head, curl down your mouth like De Niro and say, ‘Are you talkin’ to me?’
There is nothing more substanceless than negative emotions.
They are like irritating tenants who eat all of your food and leave shitstains in your toilet but never pay any rent.
While they run your house you will never get a moment’s peace.
Time to kick those fuckers out and claim your home as yours once more.
We don’t surrender to bullies. We pick the biggest one and attack first.
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