Your Mistakes Aren’t Fatal, They’re Just Shooting Stars

Let go of perfection so you can enjoy life

I found some solid cherry wood dressers at a garage sale for a song and decided to take them home for my boys’ bedroom. They’d never had matching dressers and I loved the solid construction and craftsmanship of these pieces. The problem was they were heavy and dark and the boys shared a small attic bedroom. I knew we would have to transform them.

We selected a Buzz Lightyear and Sherrif Woody theme and went to town decorating the room, complete with glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. When it was time to paint the dressers we decided to make them red, white, and blue and sponge paint stars on the drawer fronts. I taught them how to sand, prime, and prep the dresser and then we painted.

Once the paint was dry, we commenced with the fun part: the stars! With various sized sponges cut into star shapes, we dipped into the white, red, and blue paint and stamped across the drawer fronts. I, in typical perfectionist fashion, was careful not to smudge or drip or place any of my stars too close to others.

It was going well until Sean — aged 4— dragged a star across the drawer instead of lifting off straight. I sighed and said, “Oh, Sean, you smudged it.” Without missing a beat, he replied, “No, mom, that’s just a shooting star!”

I looked at it and indeed it was a shooting star — the most special of all the stars — the ones we used to hang out on the beach late into the night to look for each summer on the shores of Lake Huron. And thus God spoke to me: Your mistakes aren’t fatal, Mary. You don’t need to be perfect, to perform, to get it all right. I’ve already gotten it right for you. I just want you to enjoy the process — this beautiful life I’ve given you.

Ah, I wish I could say I transformed overnight and stopped being the perfect star stamper, but alas, the false self that we’ve invested so much time in does not let go that easily. I fussed and fumed my way — Martha-ish — through life trying to make everything orderly and well…perfect. It was a driving force that I was not able to relinquish to God… until I was.

I’ve learned a lot about perfectionism and being a perfectionist since that day when the wisdom of a child broke through a longheld mindset. If you’re like me and you tackle the world with a perfectionist approach, take heart — you’re not broken or wrong — you just need to learn to let go.

I won't promise that it’s easy or happens overnight, but I will promise you that you can learn to be safe and joyful in the imperfections of life.

Shame is what drives the perfectionist, in case you haven’t yet connected that. Recognizing this truth will transform your thinking.

Perfectionism is rooted in shame

Shame says You cannot screw up. everything will far apart if you do and you will look foolish or be scorned and ridiculed. So get it right the first time and every time!

This is a punishing and grueling way to live and it extends far beyond sponge painting stars onto dressers. It impacts how we parent, our work ethic, our body image and so forth. However, if you can start looking at your efforts as shooting stars instead of fatal mistakes, you can understand your place in the universe.

Brene Brown is a master at exposing shame in our lives and if you are willing to let go of the perfectionism that strangles the joy in your life, I invite you to start with her research and teaching.

It’s going to take some rooting out of well-established habits but you can learn to co-exist with joy as a perfectionist. It takes some strategies too. So while you are learning about the shame that drives you and recognizing the ugly truth of all that, I encourage you to give yourself grace. LOTS of grace!

Some strategies for combatting perfectionism

Set a timer. Give yourself a limited amount of time to complete a task and then call it a day. Unless you are performing brain surgery, most things you work on do not have to be perfect. After a certain point, there is a diminishing return on investment of your time. I still reread and edit my posts here at least three times but at some point, I have to let go and hit “submit”.

Understand that most people aren't paying that much attention to you! I know that stings but it’s true. I really won’t notice if you are wearing mascara or not or if you were five minutes late to work. I am too worried about what is going on in my life! This truth will grant you some freedom.

Perfect isn’t the goal. Sometimes the goal is completion, or getting started, or enjoyment, or collaborating, or networking, or simply trying something new. Not every goal is about perfection! Think about that when you start a project and ask yourself, What is the goal for this project?

Some mantras or affirmations will help also. Here are a few to try on or make up your own. Say them. Write them. Post them around your house. Believe them!

Done is better than perfect.

Only God is perfect. I am not God.

Relationship over results.

Perfect is the enemy of complete.

Good enough is good enough.

Are you tired of stressing out over smudged stars and misplaced semi-colons? Maybe it’s time to let go of the perfectionist persona that has robbed you of joy and contentment. I wish you joy on your journey and a few shooting stars along the way! -Mary