RELATIONSHIP
Your Lips Say “Yes” But Your Eyes Say “No”
Words are not enough to express approval.
How you respond to a guy’s request to take you out depends on how you feel about him, whether you want to date someone right now, and whether he’s your type.
Being polite, considerate, and honest with this guy can have a positive impact on you, even if you don’t plan on dating him.
When your heart has been broken a couple of times, mustering the courage to say “yes” can be difficult, no matter how wonderful the person is. If it is difficult for you to say “Yes” to a relationship, you are not alone.
If there’s one thing I’ve been guilty of when I dated, it was looking desperate.
Primarily because I was desperate.
That being said, I’ve learned how to say yes to a guy without looking desperate over the years.
Learning how to confirm a date is part of the subtle art of dating.
Confirming your date is polite, shows interest, avoids miscommunications, and puts your mind at ease.
With just a little courage and critical thinking, you can find the right thing to say to a guy who asks you out.
Here’s the thing, though: Do you want to be in a relationship where you have to play games like this in order to hold his interest? Where you second-guess every move you make and worry that maybe you shouldn’t have sent that last text message?
That makes dating not fun.
Relationships that are fun and that last in the long-term are based on the kind of honesty and openness that leads to a deep connection.
That’s why it’s almost always best to be clear and open with your intentions and your questions from the start.
Does he want to start a relationship? Is he interested in dating casually? Does he just want to go out to a movie? Understand his endgame so the two of you don’t have different ideas about your future plans.
Non-verbal way of saying yes without looking desperate
Words are only half the battle when saying yes. If you are truly excited about his offer then your body should reflect that excitement.
Body language is the science of non-verbal cues such as gestures, facial expressions and the look that convey a person’s emotions and intentions.
Communication becomes clearer and more understandable when we learn to interpret the messages sent by the person as a whole, rather than relying solely on the words that come out of their mouths.
Skills can be developed to understand the codes of voice, speech, clothing and body language.
According to science, these are a few easy ways to convey enthusiasm throughout your body.
#1. Maintain a mutual gaze with a soft smile.
Mutual eye contact — neither lack of eye contact, nor a little … uh, overly interested can signify approval.
Longer eye contact, especially from high-ranking people, makes us feel privileged. This is especially true when you receive eye contact from celebrities or movie stars.
More eye contact also indicates that you are curious because when people pay more attention to their surroundings, their blink rate usually decreases.
Maintain eye contact when you agree, when you listen, exchange ideas, or when you look at your amazing self in the mirror:
However, take a look now and then as too much eye contact can be considered threatening and make people uncomfortable.
#2. Avoid keeping your arms crossed.
Don’t cross your arms or your legs if you can avoid it. Stand with your arms open and your legs shoulder-width apart.
A closed posture can convey fear, hesitation, and anxiety.
Crossed arms are a dead giveaway that you’re tensed and may get the guy to back out.
People who are feeling angry, hostile, or defensive may clench their fists and even combine this gesture with a tight-lipped smile or clenched teeth.
#3. Show off your neckline.
Your neck is one of your most vulnerable areas. Neck skin is much thinner and requires protection. And exposing your neck and throat opens you up.
When someone tilts their head, they are showing that they’re comfortable enough to let their neck be exposed.
You can often see the head tilt -especially from women when they are attracted to someone, although this can also be used to indicate platonic interest.
#4. Give him an eyebrow flash.
When someone does an eyebrow flash, you’ll typically see their eyebrows raise slightly for less than one-fifth of a second.
The eyebrow flash can show interest professionally, as when giving approval, agreeing to something, thanking someone, or seeking confirmation. It’s used as a nonverbal “yes” during a conversation.
You may become embarrassed or afraid, causing you to avert your eyes away from him.
Fight against your shyness and stare straight into his eyes while maintaining a bright, genuine smile so he knows you are as interested as he is.
#5. Avoiding rounding your shoulder.
Believe it or not, hunched shoulders are becoming even more common nowadays, as you’ll see people slumped over, looking at their cellphones.
Over time, this might even become the norm, as people develop chronically-hunched shoulders from staring at smartphones and hunched over laptops all day.
With shoulders rounded and their neck hunched forward the guy will definitely get the hint that you are interested in him.
Forward shoulders may indicate that someone is trying to hide something or feeling vulnerable since you are closing off your vulnerable neck and chest areas.
#6. Give him an equal handshake.
This handshake is a breath of fresh air and signals mutual respect for both parties.
A good eye contact, a warm genuine smile, an extended arm with a slight bend at the elbow is more than enough clue to show you are interested in going out with the guy.
An equal handshake signals confidence, openness, and power during an interaction and leaves both of you feeling warm and fuzzy inside.
When gesturing with your hands, make sure your hands are open most of the time and people can see your open palms. It is also a good idea to keep the palms facing upward most of the time, rather than downward.
#7. Give a genuine smile.
When you see a Duchenne smile, this likely indicates genuine happiness. The Duchenne smile is a smile characterized by the crow’s feet wrinkles around the corners of the eyes along with upturned corners of the mouth. This is a real smile.
It is difficult, but not impossible, to fake a real smile.
In most cases, we smile dozens of times in normal conversation, but many of these smiles are given out of politeness or formality.
When smiling, remember to “smile with your eyes,” instead of just your mouth.
#8. Rub the back of your ear.
OK, you might have noticed a trend by now — touching yourself basically means anxiety.
Not in all cases, but unless you’ve just got an itch that won’t go away, repetitive self-touch in all forms is a way to ease tension throughout your body.
The ear is rubbed, pulled, scratched, touched, picked at… or rubbed vigorously can express approval without words.
How to know when you’re ready for a relationship
While you might be keen to find a new relationship to throw yourself into, there are some things you should consider before venturing out to find new love.
First, make sure that your last relationship is fully over and done with — there’s no point in starting a new relationship if you are secretly hoping your ex-partner will take you back someday.
Feeling ready leads to better relational outcomes and well-being.
When a person feels more ready, this tends to amplify the effect of psychological commitment on relationship maintenance and stability.”
Of course, deciding if you’re finally emotionally ready to start dating is never easy — no one wants to get their heartbroken again, and love is risky.
Do these next 5 things and you can be 100% sure you are fully ready to take on the responsibilities and rewards of a new relationship.
#1. Find out if he has the qualities you seek in a partner.
Does he have a good personality that you are attracted to? Are you genuinely attracted to him or are you just flattered that someone would ask you out?
Would you really consider starting a serious relationship with him?
If you answered yes to most of these questions, maybe he is someone you’d want to get into a relationship with.
However, it’s best that you get to know him better if you don’t already know him well enough to go out with him.
If you answered no to most of these questions, perhaps you should reconsider your answer to him.
You could decline or you could take the chance and go out with him, but remember to make sure you choose an answer that makes you happy and that you won’t regret later.
Don’t be afraid to take your time when deciding. Entering a new relationship can be scary, therefore you should not make a decision hastily.
Remember that other partners will be available in the future so don’t feel pressured to accept an offer from a person who you don’t truly desire.
#2. Never make haste in starting a relationship.
Think about whether you want to go out with him because you genuinely enjoy his company, or because you’re trying to cover up insecurities.
To help you in making the right decision, write down the traits you want your ideal partner to have.
Consider things like religious beliefs, hobbies, career goals, ethics, physical features, sexual preferences, and lifestyle choices.
Order them from most important to least important so you can determine which features you would be willing to compromise on.
Next, try and discern how many of these features are mirrored in the guy who asked you out.
#3. Be ready to compromise.
While a relationship cannot be your entire life, it does permeate its entirety.
You become connected with their friends, families, hobbies, pets, living situations… and they become connected with yours.
Sure, some privacy is important, but your willingness to fully accept someone into your life and routines is what will let the other person know you truly care and are ready to make a commitment to them.
They will become your teammate in taking on life together. You will be building bridges between your lives rather than walls.
More important than some sort of “checklist” though, is something nobody else can ever tell you — how you feel inside.
I believe when we reach the right phase in life or come across the right person, we will know we are ready to leave the single life behind and build a life alongside them.
#4. Keep a positive mindset and expect the best of it.
Living alone has its advantages. But here I am, over two years later, and I’m not one step closer to being in a relationship.
Not that I’m throwing in the towel — quite the opposite. In fact, tonight I meet up with a friend for a drink, and our plan is to flirt in downtown Manhattan -or at least a few bars.
And I just updated my online dating profile again. I was unlucky for a year, so what?
Since every first date leads nowhere or every non-relationship ends up being a waste of time, finding love can seem far fetched.
To increase your self-esteem and stay positive about the new relationship, start by being grateful for the life you already have.
Practice keeping a gratitude journal. This will reshape your thinking pretty quickly.
Some people do this at night by writing in a diary, jotting notes in a jar, or just brainstorming out loud.
These positive ripples will slowly affect your week and your love life.
Gratitude not only helps us feel more confident, it has also been scientifically proven to help us build new relationships.
#5. Be proud and confident about yourself.
Being able to smoothly talk to romantic interests requires a strong sense of self-worth and belief in your own abilities.
However, confidence doesn’t happen overnight and you have to build it with a series of daily rituals and routines.
Get in the habit of saying nice things to yourself. Focus on your strengths and constantly remind yourself of your best qualities.
Instead of thinking, “I hope they like me or I hope I’m not too nervous or weird,” think, “Does this person have the sweet personality I deserve in a partner?”
Self-harming thoughts will only bring you down and affect your general behavior.
Always remember that you are a catch and approach the date with that frame of mind. It’s mostly about loving yourself.
Take time for yourself. Make sure you have time to immerse yourself in the things you enjoy.
Paint, practice music, read, or engage with whatever your hobbies are so you can keep yourself upbeat and interested. Happy people are confident people.
Finally
After saying yes, it’s crucial to keep the momentum alive. A good way to do this is to set up another date after he initially asked you out.
For example, send a follow-up text after he asked you out saying how excited you are for the date. Or you could just open more lines for casual conversation.
Start asking him about his day, or open up and tell him some random thoughts on your mind that you might not communicate with anyone else.
Inevitably you may trip up your words while responding to him, and that’s completely fine. In fact, he may find your nervousness endearing.
You don’t need to be perfect, just keep talking to him and give him some form of a yes.
By accepting his invitation, you’ve started something with him, and you cannot end it after one day with him.
Remember that boys are not toys — they have their own feelings as well, and you should respect that.
Carefully select the words you want to use in your response and say them out loud until you feel confident enough.
But, until that person comes along, it’s important to work on ourselves and define our own happiness which we can then share with them.
When you are ready, you will know.
