Your Life Partner

Why You Should Double Down, and Never Sell

Good relationships are like 401ks that build compound interest over time. The longer you’re in them, the more they have the potential to pay off with deeper returns than you could have ever imagined. But, you’ve got to stick with it — even when the market is down. If you believe in this stock and what it stands for, you cannot sell. You’re in it for the long haul.

Think of your partner as Amazon stock in 1997 — a place where books could be bought and sold — online. You bought in at $18 per share because you saw value. You were interested, and invested. Stuck with it. Saw it hit lows, or not gain much value. Saw people speculate that it was a losing venture. Or maybe you experienced the rollercoaster of wondering whether to sell or not, as you saw it go up and down, but you left it alone, to see what it became. Because you believed in what it offered at its core. Like a good relationship you entered into it because you had a beautiful foundation together. A connection to an emotional house that could be built upon.

And now you see this stock has broadened and blossomed from a seed into something MUCH bigger — just like the relationship you invested in that makes you take a deeper look at yourself.

I had previously never been able to get past 1.5 years with anyone. Sure, I’d reached two years with a few, but only with a breakup and get back together scenario. Or, I’d just end it, and cut and run. In many ways, this was a strength of mine. The ability to trust my gut enough to end it right then. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

As I got older, I sought men who were much more evolved, and emotionally healthy. I was finally more emotionally healthy myself, so was able to attract this type of person into my life. And then I met my person. I always feared I would not meet my person, but I did. And in part it was because I never gave up on myself and making myself happy. And then I met my person. Because I was at peace. So I invested. And it was easy. This is how it should be.

However, like a stock you invest in, over the years, you will weather storms. There will be emotional issues or things you are dealing with that seem insurmountable because, well, life is messy. But I am here to say that like the Amazon $18 stock, I am eternally grateful I stuck with my person. After 6 years, which is the equivalent of breaking the sound barrier for me, we are going strong and beginning to unravel some of my own “stickiness” or personal knots that have made some areas of our personal lives difficult.

This is the real fruit of life. To stick with something through the ups and downs. It’s as if you penetrated into a deeper layer of magma in the earth’s emotional core- where you can then experience the fruits of a long-term investment and labor. A faith, if you will. A steadfast belief. Stillness.

I am not suggesting to get yourself into a relationship where you see extreme ups and downs and struggle daily. No, not this. It should be easy at a basic level in terms of being a good match, and enhancing one another’s lives in general.

I am merely suggesting that if you are lucky enough to find a true connection with someone — to please let it build over time. Let their actions tell you who they are, just like a good company lays out its strategy for the long-term. If you believe in who they are, then like a good investment, watch it evolve and don’t be too quick to judge after the first bump in the relationship road. Learn to work through the kinks together and talk them out — rather than running away, which is the easy thing to do. In other words- selling your stock at the first sign of a low is an amateur move.

The relationship that initially blossoms, and delivers that ‘in love’ feeling all new relationships do, is so easy to stay in. It is the long-term work that causes riffs or makes you question parts of yourself that is the hardest to endure. The light your partner shines on you, so that you can become a better person is what life is truly about. When a person truly wants what’s best for you, they can help you evolve like a stone in a river, being shined into an even more beautiful color and texture.

The right person is like a stock you hold on to even as you see the company face ups and downs. Do you see their intrinsic value and choose to stand by them in all of the storms? Perhaps they have a few years of no income due to bad freelance conditions. Perhaps they have emotional baggage that is triggered now and then. And so? What is your overall picture of this person and do you love them. If you choose to invest, do it for the long term. Nobody is perfect, including you.

In fact, the beautiful of long-term partnership (and the compound interest of relationships if you will) is that you could have an emotional blind spot which for years you haven’t been able to heal, until you finally meet someone who helps you see how to unravel this knot. They expose it to you so you can look at it. And while it may be uncomfortable at first, once undone, it all seems to have been meant to be. That you would meet this person, to have them assist in your evolution as a person.

Keep building your relationship with your life partner, and like your stock portfolio, see the benefits return for years to come.