Your Expectations Drain You — Reclaim Your Power of Being Happy
Whatever it is you are seeking won’t come in the form you are expecting. — Haruki Marukami
Humans are the most interdependent species. Helping others and taking help is natural. But to expect others to adhere to your ideas and actions is exercising control.
You chain the other and yourself. Resentment and friction happen that lead you into anger and misery.
I realized this vicious circle yesterday. I, along with my mother, went to a far-flung hospital for our checkups. Jam-packed patients pushed us farther behind the queue. It exhausted us.
On the route back, I packed some samosas. It was well past evening when we reached back. Upon arriving home, I divided them to distribute to kids and other people who live nearby.
When I was about to leave, my mother intervened, asking where I was going. She rebuked me and said, “Do nothing for anyone. Can’t they see we are exhausted? Can’t they ask us if we need anything?”
Disappointments in life are not new. But most are self-created. If one is willing to look within and work with them, the secret to joy unfolds itself. The expectation of my mother was on a loop, churning out more miseries.
Interestingly, my cousin was at my house asking if my mother needed anything before I reached home.
Expectations suck the juice out of any relations
Expecting others to behave according to your wishes strangulates them. You can make nobody dance on your terms. Expectations have drowned many relations.
You can apply the give and take policy in business transactions. But to practice in relations dooms it. Expecting others to take care of you, call, or do something for you is a burden.
Nobody is obligated to you. Also, don’t make yourself obligated to anyone. To serve another because you have to — will never make your relations run smoothly for long.
Do as your heart wants to do. If you wish to talk or do something for others, then do it. Support your heart. The mind plays the games. It compares.
But heart loves and does things with no conditions.
When we give without expectation of reward or recognition, our heart opens to the wealth of love. — Iyanla Vanzant
Noticing the expectations is the first step towards reclaiming the power of your happiness back
Expectation from others indicates a lack of self-love. Sometimes expectations are direct. Other times, the clever mind wraps the assumptions in beautiful words. It frames others as selfish and you as generous.
Don’t fall into the mind’s trap.
No amount of tags given by mind will make you happy. Genuine happiness comes when you are free from those tags.
Be aware of your direct and indirect expectations. Take charge of your happiness. If you can not act upon it, nothing will ever change.
Acknowledge the pain expectations give. The pain motivates you to be free from the shackles you bind yourself with.
You can not solve a problem until you acknowledge that you have one and accept responsibility for solving it. — Zig Zagler
Be detached from the heated moment and your judgments
People not meeting your expectations can easily poke your irritated nerve. The frustration and anger boil up.
Sometimes emotions take the best out of us. Being detached from the interactions gives you a deep understanding of yourself and others.
The University of West Alabama states that understanding your emotions is emotional awareness. Understanding and recognizing others’ emotions is emotional intelligence.
The moment you think or speak of others in a terrible light — Stop. Step back and take a moment. Have a glass of water, leave the room, go for a walk.
The idea is to give some time between your thoughts and reactions. In anger, we all speak things we don’t mean and regret later. Take a moment to step away from the heated situations. Your reactions can wait.
The habit of expecting can not go overnight. Being aware of the problem is the first step towards it. Getting detached from the addiction of blame is second.
The repeated negative talk and thoughts against someone sensitizes you. It makes you believe in those misleading statements. Then you focus more on their careless actions. As a result, you easily overlook things they genuinely do.
Detachment helps you to self-reflect. It also helps to see the truth as it is without creating stories around it.
When he has the power to see things detached from self-interest and from the insistent claims of the lust of the senses, then alone can he have the true vision of the beauty that is everywhere. — Rabindranath Tagore
Delay your reactions for 24 hours to have an effective communication
Many times, your anger is momentary. But your exploding action in heated times irreparably damages the relations. Give some time to cool off your instant rage.
24-hour gives you time to disconnect—sleep over it. If residual feelings persist, then talk about it. This is the perfect time to talk and listen.
Communication is a two-way road. You say and listen too. In a rage, listening is not possible. Only offense and defense happen.
Better communication always leads to the strengthening of relations.
Ask for help if you need it. Not that others don’t want to help, but sometimes the other is not aware of your problem.
Share your time, laughter, and smiles together. Life is a celebration of togetherness. Overcome the friction of egos and embrace light-heartedness.
Good communication is a bridge between confusion and clarity. — Nat Turner
Takeaways
Expectations kill the relations. It is so engrained in attitude that one rarely sees it as it is. Blaming the other as irresponsible or selfish is easy. But to see the fault of expectations inside is hard to see and overcome.
With patience and certain tricks, you can slowly come out of your cycle of expectations. You can release the attached judgment and anger. Delay your reactions for 24 hours.
Open the channels of communication. Listen and understand the other too. Support your heart. It will make you overcome the blame game easily. Share your laughter, and spend some time together.
The way of love is the way of no expectation. Love exists only when there is total acceptance and no desire to change anything. — Osho
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