Your Emotional Triggers Are An Invitation To Heal
How to use your triggers to free yourself.
D o you know those super-reactive places inside you that become activated by someone else’s words or behaviors?
That feeling you have when someone makes a comment that might not be a huge deal, but for some reason, it leaves you angry, anxious, or unsettled?
Those are your emotional triggers. They lead to intense, irrational responses because something deep within you has come up to the surface. And even though it can be painful to deal with them, you can use them to deepen your healing journey and free yourself from the past.
When we are triggered, we have the opportunity to dive into the deepest roots of our emotions. We have the opportunity to heal what needs to be healed, and release what needs to be released.
Here’s how.
How To Identify Your Triggers
Let me give you a few examples first. Two of my biggest triggers are:
- people pressuring me/invading my personal space;
- criticism (even when it’s not real).
Both of these triggers have their roots in my relationship with my parents. On a very subconscious level, I’m constantly expecting to be criticized, diminished, or belittled, because that’s how my father has always treated me. And, since I was never allowed to have my personal space and set my boundaries, I feel very overwhelmed when people replicate these scenarios (calling non-stop, not taking no for an answer, pressuring me to do things).
These circumstances led me to develop a fearful-avoidant personality. I’d avoid people and situations that made me feel pressured/overwhelmed — because I had no idea how to deal with them in a healthy way.
Until a few years ago, I was not aware of these triggers. Now that I’m aware of them, they no longer have their power because I’m able to detach myself from them.
What helped me become aware of them was paying attention to my body and giving myself permission to feel everything, with no judgments.
Our triggers are not easy to identify, because our brain tends to quickly rationalize our reactions. That’s how we make sense of our feelings.
Besides, many of us have become extremely disconnected from our bodies, as well as from our emotional life. We’ve learned to protect ourselves by dissociating from our emotions and ignoring what we’re truly feeling.
This means that if you want to spot your triggers, the first step is to catch yourself reacting when you’re triggered. It won’t be easy in the beginning, but it will get easier with practice.
Pay attention to your bodily reactions. Can you notice any tensing of muscles, any tingling? Is your heart rate increasing? Is your breath accelerating? Is your jaw clenching?
When you do catch yourself reacting, stop for a few minutes and ask yourself: why am I triggered? What emotion is this, and what has activated it?
“Identifying your emotional triggers is so vital because without bringing to consciousness what provokes extreme responses from you, you’ll be a puppet constantly manipulated by your emotions. Your friendships will be strained or ruined, your relationships will be turbulent or sabotaged, and your life, in general, will be much more painful.”
Mateo Sol, in How to Identify Your Emotional Triggers (Before it’s Too Late)
How To Deal With Your Triggers
In this article from Psychology Today, the author, Marcia Reynolds, identifies 5 steps for managing our emotional triggers:
- Accept responsibility for your reactions;
- Recognize that you are having an emotional reaction as soon as it begins to appear in your body;
- Determine what triggered the emotion;
- Choose what you want to feel and what you want to do;
- Shift your emotional state.
From my experience, these steps work wonders, but only in the long run. It takes time and practice to be able to implement them and, in the moment, our emotions can be difficult to manage.
Some practical tools that have helped me manage my emotions when I’m feeling triggered are:
- Removing myself from the situation. If possible, take a break. Go for a walk for 5 minutes and cool down. If you are speaking with someone, excuse yourself temporarily and say that you need to go to the toilet. Return when you are feeling more centered.
- Having a daily meditation practice. I notice a huge difference in my ability to both identify and handle my triggers when I meditated that day. When I skip my meditation practice, I’m not as clear-headed and centered. Meditation allows me to observe my thoughts and allow them to come up, which helps me build self-trust and resilience (and the more you trust yourself, the easier it is to deal with your triggers).
I have also been implementing other habits to regulate my nervous system.
The simple fact that you’re willing to identify and heal your emotional triggers is a victory in itself.
It’s much easier to avoid the parts of yourself that feel uncomfortable and to rationalize your behavior. However, instant gratification and immediate relief are terrible long-term strategies.
The more aware you are, the more you trust your ability to face life with an open heart, knowing you can handle whatever comes your way.
The inner work pays off. I promise.