ADHD | PARENTING | CHILDREN | DISORDER | EDUCATION
Your Child With ADHD: Turn Off Survival Mode And Educate Yourself
Resources, techniques, and activities that will help tame the chaos of ADHD.
Smashed toys.
Crayon on the wall.
Hand soap smeared across the mirror.
Toilet paper roll unraveled.
NOT LISTENING.
If you’ve been a toddler’s parent, you can commiserate with some of their destructive behaviors. Even if you’ve been around a toddler for five minutes, it’s easy to pick up that they are, in fact, lunatics.
However, these aren’t the behaviors of my toddler. These are how my five-year-old son, who was recently diagnosed with severe ADHD, was tumbling through his day.
There were some signs all along, and, while not medical advice, I want to share my experience, so other parents out there don’t chalk it up to being shitty parents. Like I did.
So Much Noise
In pre-pandemic times, around age three, my son attended daycare. This is where I started to notice atypical behavior. His teacher told me if the classroom got too loud, my son would sit down with his ears covered and cry.
My first thought was autism, although I didn’t have the financial means at the time to get him tested. So, I tried my best to monitor this behavior at home and do surprise visits at the daycare.
That’s also when I noticed his hatred for diaper changes in public restrooms. The metallic sound of a toilet flushing would drive him nuts. The same reaction to a busy classroom, though. Plug his years, and cry.
He was playing in his room one day, and I heard him screaming. I go running into his room, and he’s covering his ears and yelling about A monster.
It was a neighbor a few houses down using a table saw in his garage.
These sounds were so intense that he would stop functioning altogether.
Impulse Control
My son has zero impulse control. Once his brain comes up with an idea, it will happen. It could be a smashed glass, a desk cleared of all paperwork, or even throwing rocks at windows.
I noticed this, especially around Christmas of 2021. He would grab ornaments, smash them on the ground, and immediately start apologizing.
This behavior was baffling and highly frustrating, with no hint of aggression or anger.
I’ve even seen him pick up a toy that he loves, smash it on the ground, and then cry. Right then, my motherly intuition told me something was wrong. It was clear he didn’t want the toy broken.
Standing Ovation
One of the other behaviors that stuck out to me from a very young age was his inability to sit.
He could sit, but I mean for more than a few seconds at a time.
As soon as he learned how to walk, he would stand and watch tv. Never once sitting down.
Mealtime was always a struggle. Like any parent, family meals provide me the opportunity to correct and educate on etiquette. The problem was, I couldn’t get him to sit still enough to even get to the manners part.
One bite, and then he was back up, walking around, talking up a storm. Every time I’d tell him to sit back down, he would remember and then run over to his chair. He was like that character from the movie 50 First Dates who introduces himself every five seconds.
Do you know how time-consuming that is?
Oh, I hope for your sanity; you do not.
Atmosphere
The overall picture I’m trying to paint is that my house was just pure chaos. I’d have to say his name 20 times, sometimes screaming, his stuff was always scattered, and he could never focus on me when I spoke with him.
The thing about my son is that he has the kindest heart of any kid I know. He shares food and toys, you name it. He offers hugs, tells people he’s missed them and has a bright, sunny disposition.
He’s even in a good mood when he gets in trouble and reassures me he will do better next time. He’s like a mini Oprah with his positivity.
I was at the point where I’d convinced myself I was such a shitty mom, and I hadn’t taught him how to act accordingly.
I knew deep down in my Mama heart that something wasn’t right. So I started seeking answers as his Kindergarten experience was clouded by his destructive, sometimes manic-like behavior.
Diagnosis
I worked with his teacher and the school district to get some evaluations going. After months of testing and assessments, they determined he did not meet the criteria of being on the Autism spectrum.
However, the school psychologist did suggest an evaluation with his pediatrician for ADHD. I took him a few days later, and his doctor told me he had it severely without question.
He was very particular to point out the dangers of aggression and impulse control. As he grows, his impulsive behavior will become riskier and riskier.
Things like climbing to the tops of trees, running out in the middle of the street, etc., were a few examples he gave me.
I hadn’t even thought that far ahead because I was trying to survive today without yelling, crying, or everyone losing their shit.
We did ultimately decide to go with medication. It wasn’t my first choice, but this isn’t about what I want or need. It’s about what is best for my son.
I’m not here to get into a medication debate with anyone, as that’s a choice every parent and child must make on their own.
I would, however, like to share some of the things I found to be helpful.
Changes In The Home
-Television is on only when we are watching something. Competing noises are tough for him, and there’s no way he will hear me over the Minecraft cartoon he’s watching.
-Basket by the front door for shoes. I HATE searching for shoes when we have to leave. This visual cue placed at the front door ensures he will be triggered to take them off and put them in the basket as soon as he walks in.
-Visual, magnetic calendar. I found a pack of magnets with different chores, tasks, and activities on Amazon, both in writing and a picture. Instead of dictating everything to him, we tell him to check his schedule.
-What’s your plan? As much as ADHD contributes to some of these behaviors, he is also just simply a five-year-old boy. Power struggles are inevitable, which can be exacerbated by his inability to hold attention for more than a few seconds.
I ask him what his plan is for the chore or task, and he will tell me then do it. It’s letting him think he has control, I get my desired outcome, and he becomes more confident in his problem-solving abilities.
Resources
I’ve pulled together a few resources that have been helpful in my research and education — educating yourself as a parent is one of the best tools you can give yourself. Learn what expectations are realistic and which aren’t. It will save you a lot of time and confusion.
Note: None of these suggestions containing affiliate marketing. All links are pulled directly from the website and are not meant to replace or duplicate a consultation with medical professionals.
Medical Resources
The following two websites are more on the clinical, physiological, and diagnostic side of this combined disorder:
Activity Resources
This website has many ideas for activities that will engage your child. I just stumbled across this, so I’m excited to try a few myself!
Books
My cousin and I met up recently, and we discovered we both had young boys struggling with ADHD, and some of their behaviors were identical. She recommended two books that have helped her understand what ADHD is and how to work with it.
Medium Articles
Of course, a five-year-old has a limited capacity to communicate his needs and feelings. I’ve compiled a collection of articles on ADHD from an adult’s perspective. While not everything will be the same for each person, it’s beneficial to look ahead a bit to see what adults have experienced on their journeys. I will update this list as I find more helpful articles.
I know my son is much more than this disorder, and I fully recognize he has other talents and potential that have yet to be discovered.
I feel it’s my job to focus on this roadblock right now, and help him conquer it so we can learn what amazing adventures are ahead.
He will never get over this wall without the help of his parents, and I couldn’t be more honored to guide him through what is sure to be the first of many life challenges.
He has my whole heart and I can’t wait for the world to see the magic inside him.
Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope something in here can be of value to you. For more articles on mental health, check out my collection below:
All the cool kids have my articles sent straight to their inboxes. Click here if you want to be a cool kid!
Find me twittering in the Twittersphere here.
Find me influencing so hard on Instagram here.
If you aren’t a Medium member, click on the link below to get unlimited access to thousands of writers, including yours truly, for just $5 a month. A portion of it supports me directly without any additional cost to you!