Summary

Michael Hollifield reflects on the character Rick Sanchez from "Rick and Morty" to explore the pitfalls of people-pleasing and the importance of self-validation.

Abstract

In an insightful article, Michael Hollifield uses the character Rick Sanchez from the animated series "Rick and Morty" as a catalyst for introspection about his own tendencies as a people-pleaser. Hollifield admires Rick's indifference to public opinion, contrasting it with his own need for external validation. He recounts personal anecdotes of his people-pleasing behavior from childhood to adulthood and acknowledges the influence of his emotional baggage on this trait. Drawing from psychotherapist Courtney Glashow's work, Hollifield identifies with several reasons why individuals become people-pleasers, emphasizing the fear of disappointing others and the pursuit of self-worth through external validation. The article concludes with Hollifield's resolve to reject external opinions as determinants of his value and actions, advocating for personal growth and emotional independence.

Opinions

The author, Michael Hollifield, identifies himself as a people-pleaser and acknowledges the discomfort he feels when potentially disappointing others.
Hollifield is inspired by Rick Sanchez's disregard for others' opinions, seeing it as a model for overcoming the need for external validation.
He recognizes that his desire for approval stems from childhood and has been influenced by his emotional history.
Hollifield resonates with psychotherapist Courtney Glashow's analysis of people-pleasing behavior, particularly the aspects related to fear of disappointment and seeking external validation for self-worth.
The author believes that one should not be swayed by the opinions of others, whether positive or negative, in determining self-worth.
He suggests that individuals should act according to their own values and not be deterred by the potential for disapproval or booing from others.
Hollifield emphasizes the importance of personal choice and emotional health over the temptation to please everyone, recognizing that it's impossible for everyone to like you without compromising one's integrity.
He concludes that taking responsibility for others' emotional health is unrealistic and that personal growth is hindered by people-pleasing tendencies.

Your Boos Mean Nothing, I’ve Seen What Makes You Cheer

Rick Sanchez teaches me how not to be a people-pleaser.

One of the most popular adult animated television series is Rick and Morty. Rick is a mad scientist who drags his grandson, Morty, on crazy sci-fi adventures. Before I go on, “Yes, I’m over 50 (by 6 years) and still watch cartoons!”

In season 4, episode 3 entitled “One Crew Over the Crewcoo’s Morty,” Rick Sanchez and Morty are attending a conference. The conference organizer is speaking on stage in the first general session. Rick comes walking down the center aisle interrupting the session and the speaker. The audience starts booing him. Without skipping a beat Rick says,

Your boos mean nothing, I’ve seen what makes you cheer!

I immediately paused the show, replayed that scene, replayed it again, and wrote down that phrase. It gripped at my soul. This crowd hated Rick and he could not have cared less!

My name is Michael Hollifield, and I’m a people-pleaser.

I usually go above and beyond what is often necessary to meet other peoples’ needs, because one of my greatest needs is for people to like me.

This need makes it hard for me to say no to anyone who asks me to do something because the last thing in the world I want to do is disappoint someone. That is gut-wrenching for me.

I think I have always been this way. My mom has told me stories long forgotten when I was in elementary school. There were times I would give my lunch money away to someone else so they could buy their lunch, leaving me with no money and no lunch.

One day I came home without my winter coat. My mom asked me where it was and I told her I had given it to someone who needed it. Please do not think that I was doing these things because I wanted to be a great humanitarian.

I do want to be a great humanitarian now, but I’m sure that is not why I did it then. I needed people’s approval even at a young age. My emotional baggage has most likely contributed to my people-pleasing issues.

Out of the “11 Reasons Why You Are A People-Pleaser,” shared by a licensed psychotherapist, Courtney Glashow, I identify with eight. The two main ones being “you fear disappointing others,” and my “self-worth comes from external validation.”

For some reason, I have taken on the responsibility for other people’s emotional health. It sounds ridiculous for me to even write that sentence. Who do I think I am? I’m not God. Why would I take on (even in my mind) that responsibility?

If my self-worth comes from external validation, then I definitely would not want an angry conference crowd booing me like they were Rick Sanchez. Not only was he unaffected by the boos, but he also seemed to find energy from it!

What I learned from Rick Sanchez about how to avoid being a people-pleaser?

Do not allow other people to dictate my value.

Rick places no value in other people’s perceptions of him. He is secure inside his own body and he does not need any input on that from anyone else.

I got my own back. — Maya Angelou

Unless others honestly tell us what they think about us, we just have our perception of their perception of us. The impressions I think I receive from other people may be as wrong as their impressions of how I feel about them.

Realize that humanity is as messed-up as I am.

We see what excites people and what makes them cheer. Two words: Tiger King (my wife and I binged this as well)! Everyone places their value in different things. Someone once said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder,” I mean, “the beholder.”

If I am aware of what someone else values and it is in direct conflict with my values, why would I want to allow their opinions of me to carry any weight? Why should other people allow my opinions of them to carry any weight?

Even people with similar values to us can view life very differently. You can still agree to disagree regarding your opinions of each other and continue being acquaintances.

When other people’s opinions of us are positive, we should be encouraged. When other people’s opinions of us are negative, we should use that as constructive criticism and examine our lives.

How can we become better human beings? If we decide the criticism is not justified, then we forget about it. If it is justified, then we take the steps we need to develop ourselves.

At no time should we use other’s opinions of ourselves (positive or negative) to determine our self-worth.

Do not allow the opinions of other people to dictate my actions.

I would probably have never interrupted a speaker during a general session of any conference I’ve been to. If I was asked a question from the stage and my answer brought heated boos from the audience, I might have run out of the room and left the conference.

Rick ignored their sentiments and even their purposeful intentions (to let him know they hated him) and went on about his business.

So many times I’ve allowed other’s opinions of me to determine my actions. I’ve gone out of my way to rearrange my schedule to do things I had no desire to do. I’m not talking about illegal or unethical things, just things I did not want to do.

There have been times when I’ve acted a certain way just because I was concerned for someone’s emotional state. We have all been hurt by other people. Whether those people have approached me or I’ve approached them about the subject I usually end up downplaying the issue.

Even when I was the one wronged, instead of being honest with them and telling them why I was hurt, I would let other people off the hook. In the long run, this does not help our relationship and does further damage.

I want to be a great human being and I want to help people. I still want people to like me, but realize if everyone liked me, I would probably be doing something wrong.

I no longer want to (even mentally) take responsibility for other people’s emotional health. I do not want to allow my perceptions of other people’s opinions of me to dictate my value. Nor do I want them to dictate the decisions I make.

I am an equal part of messed-up humanity. I would hate to think that anyone would allow my opinions to dictate how they felt about themselves or lived. That would be incredibly dangerous for them.

If Rick Sanchez were a real person, he might think I was an idiot. He is entitled to his opinion. I would think he is an egotistical narcissist sociopath. Whether or not art imitates life, I could still learn from the mad scientist.

I need to remember I have a choice. My emotional health grows stronger the less I give in to the temptation of being a people-pleaser.