Your All-Or-Nothing Mindset May Be Holding You Back From the Life You Want
Here’s what to do about it.
When the options are all or nothing, the answer is usually nothing (unless, of course, the question is how many cinnamon rolls. Then the answer is a resounding ALL).
This was the mindset I lived by most of my life. And I bet you can guess what that meant for my exercise routine: a big, fat, whopping, whole lotta nothing. Or tiny spurts of a whole lotta “all,” which quickly ended in burnout, leaving me with the feeling that I couldn’t stick to anything, like, ever.
Sound familiar?
I recently discovered how to finally ditch that all-or-nothing mindset. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that it’s changed my life. Here’s my story, plus my advice for how you can shift your all-or-nothing mindset to change your life, too.
How I Ditched My All-Or-Nothing Mindset
You know how you’re supposed to make stretch goals, which are within reach but also super challenging? Well, screw that. Sometimes ya just need a win. And I needed a win.
For me, that meant that instead of pretending that I was gonna start running every day (good one, Kailey), I would do something easy. Like yoga. Specifically, 30 Days of Yoga with Adrienne.
Now, I am not a yogi. I have been to exactly one yoga class in my life, and it did not fit the conventional image I have of “exercise”. While it was challenging in some ways (trying not to fart in a room full of strangers despite being in possibly THE most fart inducing poses at least half the time), it wasn’t challenging according to the standards I’ve always had of a “good workout” (ie sweating a lot and loathing my crap lungs).
Basically, I didn’t consider it to be something that “counted”. But something crazy happened when I started doing yoga regularly. I was able to stick to a workout plan. For 30 whole days! That’s one whole month if the month is September, April, June, or November!
Even more surprising, it actually made me feel really! freaking! good! Yoga, of all things. And not even an hour and a half long yoga session in some fancy-schmancy studio. Nope; this was just me in my studio apartment, with a bath towel as a yoga mat and videos as short as 12 minutes long (talk about not counting as a workout).
Not only did it make me feel stronger and more energized, but I got the win I’d been needing — I’d finally been able to stick to something.
The Aftermath
And this little win got me thinking: what else have I dismissed as not worth doing because I couldn’t do it perfectly?
The answer: a lot. Eating well. Getting outside regularly. Meditating. Journaling. So I started doing those things more. Imperfectly, of course, but much more often than the big fat zero I’d been doing before.
Eating well? I know I’m not gonna spend 3 hours in the kitchen whipping up some extravagant superfood-packed tastes-like-crap-but-at-least-its-good-for-you-meal, but I can roast some veggies in the air fryer (with parmesan cheese, of course) with every meal.
Getting outside? Maybe I can’t go for a 6-mile hike every day, but I can take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood during my lunch break.
Meditating? Yeah, I still can’t sit for 30 minutes and focus on my breath. But I can do 5. And I can take little breathing breaks when I start feeling stressed or overwhelmed.
Jules Acree helped put this new mindset into words: it doesn’t have to be perfect to be impactful. And it’s amazing how this has transformed the way I approach life.
Wellness is within reach because I can approach it realistically. I can take care of my physical health because it doesn’t require me to run 3 miles or spend an hour and a half at the gym. Entire days or even weeks don’t have to be dismissed as past the point of redemption.
My ducks don’t have to be all in a row with my i’s dotted and my t’s crossed, because even if it’s almost illegible at least there is something on the page.
And most importantly, I have permission to do things poorly, to learn, to grow, and to move forward instead of staying stuck in what I can already do perfectly.
How to Ditch Your All-Or-Nothing Mindset
Obviously, it’s all well and good to say that a mindset shift can change your life. But let’s be honest here: it’s not actually that easy to change your mind (if it was I would make my brain think kale was the yummiest food on the planet).
If you want to change your mind too, here’s my advice: Find something that you don’t think “counts” and do it every day for at least a month. For me it was yoga. For you it could be reading one page of a nonfiction book, meditating for 3 minutes, or going for a walk around the block.
Wellness is personal, and your “one thing” should be too, but I do have two tips to help you choose something impactful.
Ditch the “Should” and Focus On How You Want To Feel
Um, hi there. If you’re a human (and I think you are), you probably hear all kinds of voices in your head telling you what you should do. Ya know what? Screw those voices and do what will make you feel good. You don’t have to wake up at 5AM and have a 3 hour morning routine to be healthy.
Instead, focus on finding something that will make you feel good. Any wellness habits you incorporate into your life should make your life better. No punishing yourself!
Want more energy? Try a bit of exercise like yoga or walking. Less stress? Meditate for a few minutes or give up social media one day a week.
By focusing on how you want to feel, you can actually see the impact of your tiny action when you start to feel that way.
Make It Easy
There’s a time and a place for stretch goals, but this isn’t it. Choose something easy, then make it easier.
If you continually find yourself skipping it or dreading it, it’s too hard.
Can’t handle 10 minutes of meditating? Meditate for 5.
Can’t bring yourself to run a mile? Walk a mile.
Can’t cut social media out of your life entirely? Try cutting it out one day, or even one meal (or one trip to the bathroom, because a lot of us do that, and let’s just be honest and admit that its #gross).
The point is to stop trying to do it all at once, so don’t do it all at once!
For the Doubters
At this point, you may be thinking “Kailey who in heck’s name cares if I take a 10-minute walk every day, it’s not gonna get me where I want to go.” And you are right! Kind of.
The point is, these little micro-habits are getting you closer to living a better life (newsflash: a little bit of something is better than a whole lotta nothing).
And when you see the progress you’ve made and the way it makes you feel, you’ll probably want to do more. In fact, I’ve started incorporating more walks, stretching, and even random jump squats (yes, JUMP SQUATS) into my day because I’m loving how moving my body makes me feel.
So find something tiny and commit to it — your mindset shift may very well change your life.
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