You Wouldn’t Believe What Someone Said When They Asked me how Long I’d Been Married!

Is gray divorce really a thing?

I’ve been married for a long time.

Our thirtieth anniversary was in March. My husband and I celebrated without much fanfare; just a simple meal at a local restaurant. I’m not going to say out loud that our life together has become humdrum, but sometimes that’s how it seems.

We still have kids at home, and our lives revolve around the “what’s for dinner?” scenario. Our pocketbooks are tied up with the kid’s expenses. There hasn’t been a vacation for the two of us in years.

We are just two people engaged in day-to-day life trying to make ends meet.

My husband and I have both found ourselves unexpectedly retired. He had planned to work for a few more years, but he lost his job in a situation that was a blatant display of age discrimination. Likewise, after retiring from my teaching job, I planned to work part-time, but it didn’t take long to realize that I needed to stay home and closely supervise our teenage child.

My husband and I are still adjusting to our new circumstances. We aren’t working the jobs we thought we would be working, nor are we making the income we thought we would be making.

Sometimes life is unpredictable.

But, you know life throws curveballs, and you have to make adjustments. That’s what we’re doing. Our adjustment period is still in progress.

Recently someone asked me how long I had been married. With eyebrows raised, I was given a warning:

“Watch out; thirty years is when the divorces start happening!”

Well, that’s a refreshing thought. Sadly, it’s exactly what happened to her. I guess it has scarred her.

I was curious enough to do a little research, and it seems that the statistics speak for themselves. Divorce among Baby Boomers has increased!

The reasons for the increase in later-in-life divorce vary. Some couples were simply waiting until their children grew up and moved out of the house. Others might have decided to do something different and their spouses weren’t receptive to the idea. Finally, the couple may have no longer had anything in common and wanted to find a new partner.

The truth is, times have changed. I often hear people brag about how long their parents and grandparents were married. But were those couples happy? Did those couples stay together because society dictated that they should? Did the wife stay because she didn’t have a way to earn a living?

Of course, we’ll never know the truth. No one ever knows what goes on behind a closed bedroom door. Marriage is hard work. Sometimes things are great, and sometimes they aren’t.

It’s a matter of deciding if your relationship is worth fighting for. Some relationships can’t be saved, but, fortunately, there are other options.

Society no long dictates that you should be married. My father and his longtime partner lived together for many years because she would have lost her benefits from her first husband. They were happy together and that’s all that mattered.

My husband and I are happily married. We aren't the same people we were when we married thirty years ago because we’ve evolved. But we’re still together. It won’t be much longer before our children move out. Then I think the real work on our relationship will begin again.

We will have to learn to focus on ourselves. Hopefully, we will be together to accomplish that and not become a statistic of “gray divorce.”

Here’s to a happy marriage!