Summary

The article outlines a personal journey of learning to manage anxiety through therapeutic techniques and mental exercises.

Abstract

The author shares their experience with therapy to overcome anxiety, emphasizing the importance of recognizing anxiety as a response to perceived, often unrealistic, threats. Over several years, the author's therapist equipped them with psychological strategies to calm down during anxiety attacks, including deep breathing exercises, challenging spiraling thoughts with logic, and strengthening mental resolve for future episodes. The article underscores the significance of understanding anxiety's illusory nature and the value of persistence in mastering self-calming techniques.

Opinions

Anxiety is depicted as a haunting presence in the author's life, with its physical sensations being very real despite its source often being illusory fears.
The therapist's perspective is that anxiety responses are instinctual and not always practical, suggesting that the body's "fight or flight" reaction can be disproportionate to actual dangers.
The author acknowledges the importance of recognizing the unnecessary nature of many anxiety attacks, which can be paralyzing and counterproductive.
The article suggests that targeting the root cause of anxiety and reasoning with "spiraling thoughts" can effectively combat anxiety.
There is an opinion that some anxieties are unwarranted due to being out of one's control, while others present opportunities for personal growth and strength.
The author believes in the power of celebrating small victories over anxiety, using these successes to build confidence and prepare for future attacks.
The author values the role of therapy and external support, such as from friends or relatives, in managing anxiety.
The article conveys that while distractions can provide temporary relief from anxiety, addressing the issue directly is more effective in the long term.
The author expresses gratitude for the lessons learned from their therapist, highlighting the long-term benefits of investing time in mental health practices.

You Will Become a Master of Calming Yourself Down

“You’re haunted.” My therapist said to me during our third session.

“Oh, hell yeah.” I thought. It was probably the coolest thing you could say to a 15-year-old boy.

“You’ve adopted illusions.” He continued. “They are not real.”

I disagreed.

“I feel the anxiety attacks,” I told him. “It gets in my chest. It makes me feel like I’m not in control of my body.”

“Yes, of course.” He said. “The sensation of anxiety is a real experience. It takes control when it gets its hooks in you.”

“So, it is real.”

“No.” He said, smiling kindly. “The fears you have which cause you anxiety are not real. They are ghosts. They want to scare you, and your body wants to keep you safe from them.”

“Why?”

“Your body reacts to being threatened. The threat is the illusion of future punishment.”

That woke me up a bit.

“What can I do?” I asked.

“You need to train your mind to see the ghosts.” He said. “I can teach you some psychological exercises that will help you, but it may take several years for them to become effective.”

That wasn’t too reassuring, but I desperately wanted to kill my anxiety.

“In time,” he continued “you will become a master of calming yourself down in the event of an anxiety attack.”

Over the course of a few more sessions, this is ultimately what he taught me:

Take deep breaths —

You have probably heard this one before, but it is so important. I find it strange because sometimes you have to have someone tell you to do it instead of remembering to, naturally. Taking deep breaths can do you a world of good when dealing with the constricting nature of an anxiety attack. It opens up your diaphragm and relieves pressure on your chest, which allows for easier oxygen flow to your lungs. It can slow down your blood pressure and quiet the body’s “fight or flight” response.

Breathe in deep, expand your chest, breathe out fully, rest, and repeat. Allow yourself to welcome a calming feeling. Taking deep breaths will train your body to know that you’re ready to start taking back control.

Recognize that the anxiety attack you’re feeling is probably not necessary—

From a survival standpoint, anxiety is useful for steering you away from trouble beforehand, but it can take control of your life if you let it. The powerful inhibiting effect of an anxiety attack can paralyze the body. You have to remind yourself that the anxiety response is primal: it’s instinctual and not necessarily practical. The anxiety attack is doing you an injustice.

The reality is that this paralyzing feeling is probably not actually doing you any good. It is stopping you from living your life, it is engulfing your mind in fear, and it is draining your body of energy. It’s important to remind yourself in the moment that the anxious feeling in your body is a natural response, but probably not crucial to your survival right now. Besides, if you were truly in danger; panicking is the worst thing you can do.

Target the “spiraling thought” and reason with it —

Locate the source of your anxiety. What’s the fear that you keep coming back to? Scrutinize the “result” of the “worst case scenario”. What’s the worst thing that can actually happen? Is it realistic? Is the outcome even within your control? Attack the illogical nature of your anxiety with logic. Question what is really at stake. If the fear is something out of your control altogether: know that your spiraling anxieties are wasting your time and energy. If the fear is something in your control but you’re too paralyzed to face it: know that conquering your fear will make you stronger, and that dealing with the problem will eliminate that circumstance of anxiety.

Of course, some anxieties are extremely complicated. Finances, politics, relationships; these things and many more can be immense stressors, which only give our anxieties more ways to attack you. Let go of the things you cannot control. Strategize ways to overcome the things you can control. You might need support from a friend, relative, or even therapy. Be strong enough to ask for help if you need it. Beating anxiety takes willpower and a can-do attitude, which brings me to the last thing I was taught:

Strengthen your resolve for future attacks—

If you can successfully calm yourself down and find a state of equilibrium: make sure you celebrate your victory. Pump yourself up! Say to yourself “See? I can beat this!” Recognize that it is possible to pull yourself out of an attack and use that knowledge to your advantage. Not every anxiety attack is the same, but they all have one thing in common: they are “fight or flight” responses. Reactions to illusions. Ghosts.

Remember the strategies you used. Was it some uplifting self-talk? Was it a reassuring reminder on repeat? Was there a particular train of thought that got you to a mental “safety zone”? Was it something to distract you?* Take note of how you conquered the attack and use it to empower yourself. Know that there are more on the horizon and you have the necessary tools to defend yourself. You are enough!

*Sometimes effective, but a distraction may only temporarily deter the anxious feeling.

I wish I could remember my therapist’s name because I owe them a lot. At 31 I still use these strategies and they work for me. My therapist was right, it takes many years to train your mind and body to defend against an anxiety attack. It is worth the time investment. I can promise you that.

Thank you for reading.

— Casey