You Want to be Popular? Practice Being Authentic.

It’s worked amazingly for me so far

I’ve spent over half my life trying to fit in and be popular, and now I can finally say I am. But I didn’t get there through faking it.

Popularity Does Matter.

People spend way too much time worrying about what other people think. I’ve been one of those people. I know what it’s like wasting your precious time and energy being anxious, but it isn’t for nothing though.

You’ve probably heard of Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People. In it, he tells of how one of the basic human needs is a feeling of importance. One that naturally comes from being popular.

And in my experience, only one thing leads to healthy popularity.

Attention Seeker → Attention Attracter

For middle school and most high school, I was the class clown. I was so desperate for attention; I made everyone laugh. In my toxic friend group, I’d tolerate teasing and people making jokes about me. I knew if I spoke out against it, I’d be cast out. Which was my biggest fear.

I was super self-conscious about whether people liked me. I’d analyze their faces and body language to see if they were engaged with me, and I’d hate it when the attention was given to somebody else.

So how did I go from being an attention seeker to being an attention attracter?

Through a couple of epiphanies and a mental breakdown or two, I began practicing authenticity. From now on, I’d act only as I wanted. I’d speak only when I wanted to. I refrained from making unnecessary jokes or forcing myself to tolerate teasing. I’d cast aside other’s thoughts and valued only my thoughts of myself. And somewhere near the beginning of the junior year, did I see the magic begin. Authenticity not only casts a spell over my mood but also on those around me.

I was almost always calm and composed. In social situations when I felt uncomfortable originally, now I felt chill. My confidence skyrocketed and I had a certain glow which I never had before. The effect on those around me was astounding as well. With my confidence and change in attitude people were more attracted to talk to me. My friends would come to me to engage in conversations and I naturally became the center of attention. I even got to enjoy the extra attention of teachers.

To Hold Onto Attention Don’t Depend On It

What allowed me to keep that attention though was not needing it to feel satisfied. Don’t fall into the trap of being desperate to hold on to people’s attention. People’s lives won’t always revolve around you. Appreciate the attention you receive but don’t depend on it in order to thrive.

Now of course I lost some friends in the process. Those who kept me around only because I’d grovel at their feet. Cutting them out was the best thing to ever happen to me. Truth be told not everyone will love the real you but some people will and having them around you, appreciating you, is one of the best feelings you can get.

(P.S. My goal of writing on Medium is to give as much value as I can. In order to do that I would love to get feedback from those, I value most. That’s you! The reader. So don’t be afraid to leave a comment :)