Being Good

You Want To Be Happy And Resilient? Here’s How And It’s Actually Very Simple

But with anything and everything worthwhile, it takes time, dedication and consistency

You don’t have to take my word for it. A philosopher thinks so too. I just read a book by Rebekka Reinhard — it’s all about being good. She says it’s the best way to become happy and resilient. I’ve been practicing the art of being good for a while now, without labeling it as such. I’m just trying to be nice.

Crises seem to be omnipresent. The pandemic, war, the rise of right-wing parties, and the climate crisis dominate the news. Polycrises they’re called: they unsettle us, threaten our beliefs, and it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain inner peace and personal happiness. This is also reflected in the fact that psychological problems such as anxiety and depression have increased massively since the pandemic.

But Reinhard is convinced that there is a ray of hope in this situation. Everyone has the potential within themselves to be deeply and truly happy, resilient to external shocks large and small — to be good. To yourself and to others. On a small scale, and consistently: throughout your life always take the opportunity to do something good. That sounds almost naive on the one hand, but full of pathos on the other. But the philosopher is convinced that this is how you can create a slow, sure happiness that comes from within and is independent of possessions or political developments.

“How can I be good right now?” Or, even more precise: “What good can I do now?” That’s what matters. And not whether you or I consider ourselves to be a good person.

You actually have to decide on a situational basis, in specific contexts and situations. It may then be possible to say at a later point in time or at the end of life whether a person was a good person, whether the situational good deeds, the many moments in which one can seize the opportunity and be good, and in which one took action, have added to a good existence.

We don’t need grand theories to increase the good in the world. Rather, in practice you should adopt an awareness about how you can bring good into the world, into the life of the people you encounter on a daily basis.

Being a good person means that you don’t just intend to do something good, but that you actually follow through on it. This starts on a very small scale and is often very banal. The banality of goodness can be that you smile at a person while shopping, simply because you feel like that’s the right thing to do. Or putting lights in the window, a flower on the table.

As a person of 2023, it’s not so easy to say: “That’s a good person.” It sounds kind of hokey. People say they’re nice, likable, or something like that. We basically mean the same thing, but in our language, the term ‘good’ has strong religious connotations and is exaggerated. The expression therefore seems far too absolute. This may also have something to do with the disillusionment of the evil experienced in the 20th century. We are downright disenchanted and no longer dare to say the word ‘good’.

But what’s the point of being a good person? What’s in it for me?

Some of us calculate the cost-benefit ratio before we try too hard, or invest too much. Life is stressful enough as it is. But from an ethical point of view, the question of what’s in it for me is also the wrong one. The benefit cannot be clearly measured; it’s subtle and gradual. Me, I have actually noticed that I’ve become happier, calmer, and maybe even more resilient since I’ve gotten into the habit of being nice, helping people, and helping carry heavy bags, and whatnot. Complimenting someone who looks like they need it.

This deep connection between satisfaction on the one hand and ethics or morals on the other is an ancient knowledge of humanity. The Stoics and Plato already established this in our culture, and the same insight also emerged in the Far East. When the Buddhists say it’s about being, not about having, they always mean being happy and good, not accumulating something that you can’t keep in this fleeting life anyway.

Being good should also help us to better navigate the current numerous crises. This of course begs the question: But wouldn’t activism be more necessary to actually change something?

There’s no set of rules on what makes a person good, or better than someone else. I don’t think you should generalize about being good. For example, if someone is involved in climate activism and tries to make a difference like that, then that’s great. But if being good has to look like that, it immediately becomes something absolute again, which then overwhelms many people. And it comes dangerously close to ideology. And that’s not what being good is about. It’s not a competition.

I think it’s more about limiting yourself to the small things and practicing without a big program. Especially in the social media age, there is a danger of confusing the label or the good image with the actual, authentic intention and the good consequences that such activism ideally has. You never know what will really come out of it, you can only hope that wanting to be good, will actually lead to good things. So piss off any potential influencers. You do good quietly not to self-promote. Not on a stage.

Ever heard of “virtue signaling”? Exactly. It means boasting about virtue. Of course, you can do good things if you get involved with a cause on social media. But you always have to look very closely and, above all, you always have to start with yourself. You don’t need a program or a party for this, you can do it all by yourself.

Can we be good all of the time?

I think it’s an example of human nature that you can’t always do good. I know it from my own experience: things can get annoying, and overwhelming, the result being a crabby me. Why should I still smile if I can’t right now? But that’s a very important message: It’s not a drama if you can’t. You’re not a bad person because you think more about yourself in a challenging phase.

It’s not about any obsession with optimization or perfectionism. Being good is not a competition in which you are graded every day and may fail at the end of the year. It’s more about trying, getting up again and again, and asking yourself again and again, what do I actually live for? We don’t know where we come from, we don’t know where we’re going, we only have a relatively short time here. This uncertainty is part of the human condition. I find this experimental approach to life, how I can design something and perhaps leave the world a little wiser and better than when I entered it, very exciting. That may sound idealistic, but I really see it as the only possible pragmatism.

And how do I recognize the effects of my actions?

The effect happens constantly on a small scale. This attitude is extremely important right now. We have been experiencing a strengthening of reactionary forces for some time now, especially at the political level. And this is exactly where being good is so important.

Hannah Arendt spoke about the banality of evil. Evil doesn’t begin with any spectacular, monstrous acts or series of murders. Evil begins in the smallest things, in indifference, in looking the other way, in cowardice, in ignoring.

The author contrasts this with the banality of good, and that is actually the only thesis in this book. Good can counteract the banality of evil on a very small level within an everyday radius. Simply by not having excessive demands and by saying no to yourself when you would rather look away because it is more convenient. This can make a decisive difference in this turning point we are currently at, with regard to democracy or the environment, for example.

Is there some kind of guide on how to be good in life?

As I said, it’s quite simple. You just always ask yourself, what good can I do now? For example, letting a person with a cranky kid go ahead in the checkout line. Listening to a person who might be a bit annoying, simply because you feel like that’s what they need right now.

I think being good is also very much about being creative; there is a connection between ethics and aesthetics. This could be putting a flower on the table or decorating a room, for my partner, for myself, so that you feel comfortable in it.

And a certain amount of contemplation is important — introspection in these turbulent times. What moves me, what do I actually think? Ask your partner in the evening: “What did you think about today?” instead of the standard “What did you do today?” which always makes me feel bad when it’s directed at me. Did I do anything worth sharing? But asking what did you think about today — now that’s something I can relate to.

This connection between brain and heart, between feelings and thoughts, which the Stoics also recognized, is more important today than ever.