Summary

The "marriage technique" is a self-improvement method involving imagining the ideal spouse and striving to become the best partner one can be, which in turn fosters personal growth and perspective.

Abstract

The article introduces the concept of the "marriage technique," a personal development approach where an individual envisions their future spouse and the qualities they would like to embody as a partner. This mental exercise helps in creating a clear image of the person one aspires to be, focusing on self-improvement rather than unrealistic expectations of others. The technique encourages reflection on personal character, leading to a desire to improve flaws and develop new skills for the benefit of both oneself and one's future spouse. It extends beyond self-centered growth, emphasizing the importance of becoming a better person for the sake of loved ones, including future children and aging parents. By doing so, it helps to alleviate mental burdens, instill confidence, and align motivation with a sense of purpose.

Opinions

The author believes that only two opinions truly matter to them: their own and that of their future wife, emphasizing the importance of self and partner in personal growth.
The author initially had unrealistic expectations for a partner but realized the importance of self-reflection and personal development to become an ideal spouse.
The "marriage technique" involves visualizing the kind of partner one wants to be, which includes emotional, spiritual, and financial aspects, as well as the development of practical skills like cooking or playing an instrument.
The author acknowledges personal character flaws, such as being easily annoyed, and sees the value in addressing these flaws through the lens of becoming a better partner.
The technique is not limited to romantic relationships; it also applies to being a supportive child to one's parents and a role model for future children.
The author suggests that focusing on who one needs to be for others, rather than just for oneself, broadens perspective and enhances one's sense of purpose.

You Want To Be a Better Person? Try the Marriage Technique.

Pretending to be married can give you massive perspective.

Source Image: Unsplash/Gita Krishnamurti

There are only 2 people’s opinions who matter in the world to me.

Mine and my wife’s.

Well, future wife.

I’m not lucky enough to have the privilege of being married. But I like to imagine what it’s like to be married.

I imagine the type of woman I dream of marrying. And the kind of man I am at the time.

By visualising the kind of man I should be for someone else, I create a healthy and beneficial mental image of the person I should be. Which helps in giving me perspective and purpose. I call this the marriage technique.

Know What To Focus On

I used to think about all the things I want in a wife. She has to be pretty, rich, kind, intelligent. The list goes on.

What no one taught me was that the ideal wife, my dream spouse, doesn’t exist.

And even if she did exist, why would she want me?

My problem was and the problem most people have, is we have unrealistic expectations of others and no expectations of ourselves.

Reflecting On Character Leads to Character Change

So what changed?

I completely ditched the idea of what I wanted from my future wife. And focused on what type of husband I would like to be. As of now, I consider myself to be kind, and intelligent and fit. But I’m nowhere near being the type of man I want to be.

So I began imagining what type of husband I want to be. What skills I want, like being able to cook, draw, play the piano. Not just for myself but for my future wife.

I also imagined what my ideal emotional, spiritual and financial state would look like.

By thinking about what type of husband I would want to be, I had to think about where I had to be emotionally. As of now, I’m not depressed, which is a good start. I’m very optimistic and kind but still a little childish and naive. I also find myself getting annoyed by people easily.

These character flaws which, I have and now aim to improve upon, I never would have found had I not reflected on my character. Which I only got from using the marriage technique.

Who Do You Need To Be For Yourself And For Others?

By thinking about who you need to be for yourself, for your own health, for your own well-being, it’s great. But it can lead to a bit of selfishness and lack of perspective.

Whereas when you think about who you need to be for others, you’re perspective increases. And your sense of purpose increases as well. When I think about the man I need to be for my wife, the type of person I would need to be for her, it inspires a sense of purpose and motivation.

We don’t even have to stop at your spouse. We can go further. Think about who you need to be for your parents. When they grow old, do you need to be there to support them?

Think about your future kids. Who do you have to be for them? Do you need to be the supportive and loving parenting that your kid aspires to become?

By figuring out who you need to be for the people you love, whether they’re in your life or not, you’ll overcome a bunch of mental burdens, gain the confidence to achieve your goals and be able to tie your motivation to your purpose.