You Still Have to Dress Up For a Zoom Date, Right?

7 Tips for a Successful Virtual Date

I was nervous about talking to her on video.

We had spoken twice by phone so the next natural progression was a video call where we could see each other.

During these pandemic times, I’ve had a long-distance relationship that has since ended, and dates with people through the use of technology. Physical meeting up and actual dates during pandemic times have been replaced by virtual dates and video calls.

So, after a week we thought it was time for us to see if there was chemistry on camera. It wouldn’t be the same as meeting, as we were both living in different cities, but it would be a chance to see each other and get an idea of what the other person was like virtually.

She dressed down in pandemic casual

I texted her to ask if she was ready. She needed a minute to get the technology together and told me she was getting her headset on. I said a quick prayer under my breath to the universe and hoped for the best.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Ready,” she replied.

The red and green button flashed on my Skype screen. I chose the green one to accept the call. A moment where I couldn’t see anything that was filled with much anticipation. Then she popped up on the screen and a sudden moment of disappointment.

In a hot minute, the call went cold. The woman who was sitting in front of me wasn’t prepared for a date. She looked like she had just rolled out of bed. Her hair was a mess and she was wearing what she might have planned to go to bed with that night. The background was dark, the light was terrible and I could see only 75% of her face because of the angle.

One of us definitely didn’t get the memo that this was a date and one needed to put their best self forward even if the date was virtual.

While I myself am not prone to dressing up for a virtual date, I did iron my shirt. I did check the mirror to make sure I looked presentable! Also, I checked my background to make sure it wasn’t messy and looked organized.

An online date is still a date

Isn’t there some protocol these days about dating online? Don’t we owe each other our best or at least our non-pandemic clothing and appearance for our first virtual date? Don’t we have to look somewhat presentable and maybe even try to look like we tried for the other person?

If you’re going on a virtual date with someone, please remember that just because it’s not in person doesn’t mean you get to dress up in pandemic casual wear. For the sake of the other person who might have taken some time to prepare, consider some of these tips below.

1. Have a discussion about it being an official “date” so you’re both on the same page.

I had wanted to say something like, “Hey, so this is our first date, right?” or something along those lines to make sure we were on the same page. I didn’t, which may have been my mistake. Let the other person know that you believe this to be a date. Maybe mention that you’re going to be dressing up for it or that it’s going to be something other than yet another Zoom call. You can ask them what they’re going to do to get ready for it and let them know that you’re going to be putting some effort to prepare.

2. Groom yourself like you would a real date.

I think it’s fairly reasonable to expect the person you’re having a virtual date isn’t showing up like they just woke up from an afternoon nap. Men should not only groom themselves like they’re going out but like they are going out to meet a real person. They should probably shave if they regularly shave. Everyone should probably brush their hair and make sure it’s not in a mess. Look at yourself in the mirror and make sure that you look presentable before getting on a call.

3. Take some time to prepare what you’re going to wear.

None of us are dressing up nowadays. Our nicer clothes haven’t been washed, ironed or readily available — or no longer fit thanks to these pandemic times. I think the least we can do, like we do for work calls, is to dress up from the waist up. When dating someone new, they don’t know what your regular look is. Pick something out ahead of time, make sure it’s ironed and doesn’t look like a crumpled mess. Mentally get used to the idea that you’re going to be dressing up for a call at a time when we don’t get dressed up much for anything.

4. Sit in a comfortable place but not on your bed.

This is a casual call but it doesn’t have to be ultra-casual. It doesn’t have to be pandemic casual to the point of not even trying. You usually wouldn’t meet someone sitting on your bed for the first time unless it was one of those kinds of “dates” where you don’t expect to see the person again.

Ideally, doing this virtual date somewhere outside your bedroom would be best. The environment matters and setting your bedroom as a backdrop will definitely create a different flavor for the call than if you were in your living room or dining room. You want to be comfortable but not so comfortable that you’d rather take a nap than talk to someone on the other side of a call. Or send out the wrong signals to the person you’re talking to.

5. Be mindful of your background and surroundings.

Whatever backdrop you use does matter. Your cleanliness, organization, artwork, and taste will be noticed and possibly judged. You’re used to your background and don’t think much of your personal belongings or decor around your residence.

A virtual call brings someone into your home. They may make up their mind about you based on artwork around your house or furniture you’re around. Not only are you making a first impression but so is your living environment.

6. Talk about food and drinks before the date starts.

It’s a little odd when one person is eating and drinking and the other person isn’t. Why not order food from the same restaurant chain to have some kind of similar experience? Why not discuss what you’re going to be eating or drinking on the call before the call starts?

Having some discussion prior to the call about refreshments will also help set up expectations for what this date is going to be like. You’ll know if you’re getting together for a drink, for a meal, or for coffee. Knowing the food and drinks involved will avoid one of you being rude and eating/drinking by yourself.

7. Think about the lighting and camera angles.

You’re no Youtuber or social media influencer but you do need to pay attention to how you come across on camera. The camera, lighting and angles help create impressions on the other person. This shouldn’t be the most important thing but it does matter.

Before having your date, test out your camera and equipment with someone else. Place the camera, phone or laptop in the place where you look your best. Make sure you’re where you want to be situated and that you can be seen clearly.

A little effort goes a long way.

Yes, we may be in lockdowns and pandemics but you still have to put in some effort when it comes to dating. Your casual work-from-home attire isn’t going help create a romantic spark.

Although it’s a virtual date, a date is still a date. You owe your date a little bit of planning and preparation.

Had a bad experience with a virtual date or a real-life one? Feel free to share your experience in the comments below.